christmas stresses

I  can never make my mind  up  about this  time   of year    just   because  life is so   stressful   AND   THE    run up to Christmas just makes it  worse.   I know   that   everyone  will claim    the  festive   season stressful bu t if u   suffer from   OCD  ASPERGERS   and  post traumatic   stress  disorder   oh  and i nearly forgot    sugary blood  u   will see   where i am coming   from  !!!

Last week    i lost  my bag and my mobile  I found   both within the  week   but  this   did  stop be  being   hysterical and  shouting   I hate   Christmas !!!!    umm   Perhaps   it  was not the   festive  season    faults  that i  left  mobile  at  parents and  never picked   phone   up saying   it  was  their  and  not  the  season of  goodwill  fault   that   i left  bag at  Christmas party  although i was   bored and   rushed off  home and  would  not have been at a party  if not being  festive    but why   celebrate    Christmas  a  whole   month  before the  event !!!  Bah humbug  !!!!

My mum   has  just  rung me to say     an auntie   has  decided    not to give  presents anymore    we have  just   got   all ours in   oh well   should  have  told   us a month  ago !!   as  i pointed  out to  my  mum why are  we   bothering with all these  relatives  that  we   don’t   really  know   and  what more to  the point   don’t really like   I   much prefer   to   be  with people   who like   me for   being me  and not with  me  because   we  are   somehow   related    by squirmy blood stuff     rant over !!!!

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journey

Today  I have  had  a particularly  bad  daythings  that  have  happened   decades  ago  keep popping up in my mind   and they wont  go away often i read to  make them escape  but i have to be  relatively cool I    could tell   you  all my problems  of the  day it  might   make  things  better  i am told     but i don’t  ant to relive  everything   now i am relatively calm  (  rambling on is  one of my traits )

 I often wonder   why   am i me  and  not the  successful   person    down the ROAD PERHAPS  SUCCESSFUL IS  THE   WRONG  WORD    i MEAN I LOOK AT PEOPLE    THINK WHY HAVE   THEY GOT   THEIR LIFE   AND ME MINE   ARE  WE on particular  journeys   depending on  what  we   have  done   in a previous life  must  admit i  can never  make  up my mind  about the  after  life   I was  brought  up to  go to church my   mum still goes    but  when  I was   having  a  meltdown earlier   today just  screaming    ”  god please   take me “i had  a  eureka  moment  in the   bath   and made  some  decisions    . I often   wonder  why i am in the   family   in a s my  mum and me  don’t   really   connect and  the  personalities of the    family don’t   really gel  together   if u get  my meaning so wonder  was this    some  awful  mistake  putting   us  together   in this  family    umm that   word  keeps    cropping   up like the    word  phoney in   catcher in the    rye

oh well getting agitated with modern world lou by

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#aspie trips out #undermilkwood

AS  I am half Welsh  I have often    heard  the name of   Dylan Thomas   and must  admit  did    not  take much notice    mainly  cause   if my mum tells  me  anything  should be  read well i Ignore her !!!

Awhile back  we   went on Holiday   to   the  mumbles   and   mum really wanting  to  go  and  see   Dylan’s   writing  hut   but    my dad   refusing   out right  and   well I  am  ashamed  to  say not    interested !!

But things  change  last year  at    our  Shakespeare     reading   group we   have  a break  from  him sometimes  we  read  the play  and we  laughed   cried  (perhaps a bit of an  exaggeration  and   we all  tried   to  put the  Welsh  accent on !!

I will  always   remember the    looks of glee   when  we  discovered that LLargeggub   means  bugger all  backwards   handy  if not sure    about the   spelling  you can check it out that  way !!  (just done it )

Last year   i found out with  glee that    the play was coming to   the    Liverpool  playhouse  so  booked although     was a   bit  worried   on way  home  that   had   booked   the wrong  thing   crazy Welsh village   meant  something to me !!

The   day arrived  and   my mum   was   doing other    things  before  meeting me    this   was  sending  me into an  aspie   meltdown   what if    she   got  delayed  and i was   left outside   with  her ticket  I was   beginning to   rant and rave  and  flew round their  giving   her tickets   and  SCREAMING IF    late   I will be in their  !!!

we  both of us    got their   with  loads   of time to spare to even eat pasties in the  square umm  breathe   AGAIN !!!

HA d a quick look round the   audience    all ages  both  sexes and  best thing   about them i soon discovered    not  sweet   eaters  or  rustlers or yapers   not only was  i made  up but   mum (carer)   for  someone    with aspergers   a noise  out-of-place   is SOOOOOOOO  Painful  !!

The  setting   was  brill    but not sure   were   photos   so u will  have   to go and  g o and see   it for   yourselves  !!! and  we   were  their in the     village  of llareggub (remembering  previous   suggestions  on spelling !

What I loved    about this   production   they  did  not use   to many  props so    you  concentrated  on what    WAS  HAPPENING   in the   village  and not on the   surroundings   all the  cast  suited  their  roles  Mrs  dai Bread  and   Captain cat   but  admit  Owen tyle   stood  out  mainly   because  he   had a  resemblance to   Dylan ( Not that i ever met  him )

One part   of the  play erupted   into  laughter   were  the  cast  could  not continue  for  laughing    could  say  it was  Toilet    humor   but    this    is   what  it makes  it for  me the  unexpected   does   not matter  how  good a   film or  tv  production  the one thing   you wont get is    an off the  cuff  reaction

The  children  singing   of their  rhymes  was  poignant  and made  me   wonder    have   we lost  that innocence with   kids   growing up so   quickly today!!!

We had  gone   to the  twilight   performance s o decided   to  stay  for the   question and  answer  things  after it   was great to see  the  cast as  themselves      but still  just  as  charming!!!! it made  my mums night   to hear   REAL  WELSH  accents and  one of the actors  lived   not far from her  village  MANOD   so a  great   night   although must  admit   could  have   been a   disaster  as   the   women’s  toilets  had   malfunctioned    during  the evening

MUM    got    talking   TO SOME OF  her   kin folks  and   with a  bit of  struggle   to get    over the  water   (transport   systems  don’t  like us being out after a   certain time  )  we were home with  plenty  for us  to ponder  about   such as  Welsh is such a lyrical   sing-song language   would it have  been different in welsh and  it is believed    Dylan   wrote    a lot  more    but   were  it is   no one  knows  I wonder !!!

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frazzly 3 ahhh please listen to me

people are so annoying sometimes as  quite  simply  DO NOT LISTEN   to me   currently I am getimg so called  help   from an autistic   charity which is fine   but the  problem is     I dont  need  the kind of help they  want to give me  also    would  consider  myself a  free   spirit  and   need  to be  free !!

Social  services   in their   wisdom   decided  to give me 4hrs   support   in the   week  when all  i want is   2   as  i   can travel    were ever   i want  on the  bus  and i am a  mouthy git   so need to   have  people  who  have a personality  of a  slug  (should be nice to slugs)    but i just need   someone to pop  in    once a week   to make   sure    not  drowning  in my books  etc  !!

I  have  asked  them a month   ago  to reduce    the hrs as my life    is  to full  with   voluntary   work and  reading groups     that  i have  no time   free  which in turn is   getting me  Annoyed   think u have  gathered  that by  now !!

AS  well as  having aspergers   syndrome i am also a   brittle   diabetic so when  my  life is stressful  the blood sugar     go all  over   the place    generally   very high    and increase   my   chance of  going into  hosi   so would  it  not be    better  to reduce  the hrs  and my   health  would  improve  but  NO  all   I   GET IS  TRY  IT FOR   A BIT LONGER   !!!  UMMM  DONT  YOU THINK I KNOW MYself  VERY WELL   to know  what  is  best for  me  not   a   social  worker    who    has  just read  text books !!!

fealing a bit better  now  got   this  all  out to whoever  is  their listening    ( just be  grateful  that you  are not  writing  something   handwritten  ho hum    going for  read umm   just remember  to   breathe and read !!!!  (SORRY)

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my life feels at times as full of elephants

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ahhh its over

the joy of Christmas

the joy of Christmas

as much as  I enjoy Christmas   when it arrives   must admit is quite a relief perhaps   being an aspie   thing  being  haphazard  and never   really knowing  what will  happen next  is a strain on everyone as heard  lots  of  people  grin  and say  all back to  normal on the  6th !!!

I  have not much   to do  on the  6th  as take   christmas  cards  etc  to my  mums as spend  alot of time theit  or   to be  truthful  to lazy  to take   everything  down  and up  let my mum  do it !! ha

As a whole   looking  back christmas season  has  gone   quite well  apart   from   well few   blips   that  must really  concentrate  and think  NOT END OF WORLD ALTHOUGH  writing  this has   reminded me  that  my  back door is  kind of in  half  after  i  forgot to  close   it properly  behind me   this  caused  alot of   ahhhhhh    and xxxxxxxxx and this  is   going  to cost me   loads of  dosh  to my  dad  letting  me know  it  would  not big  breath and  count to 100   can you feel my agitation!!

Yesterday   my mum and me  went to liverpool to see  snow-white  we  had no  kids  but  I am very  vocal i was   very careful  getting  ready to go as   checked  had my  insulin   and  the  tickets   checking the  time  as last year   the  panto  was not a  ho ! HO ! ho  affair as  wrongly  presumed  that   Everything in the  evening  starts at  7.30 it  does  not  and  we  arrived 30 mins late   and   also  had to wait to go in so  was  not the  happiest  of outings  but all went well  2 day  got in and  laughed  o !  ho ho    ( always  be prepared)

well  back to my reading  groups   tomorrow    think  starting Anna  k   tomorrow  although I am still  waffling my way through    Middlemarch ( good  after  first  50 pages  )  and then  Richard 11 in pm   so better  put my brainy head  on !!

Now to tidy  and it’s not the  decs !!!  all the best  !

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not looking 2 good 2014 frazzly 2

a day very much a mixture of emotions  had  a mad  tidy up before   going  to library were reading   Diary of   a nobody  which must  admit  is  quite   an apt   title  as   yer  quite  away in and not much happening but  amusing  and raises   a chuckle maybe it is  my humour  cells  but  deffo  don’t  laugh as much as  the librarian  who can hardly  read for laughing  takes  all sorts I suppose

went to town  were   i should  not really have gone    as  came   back  with  things  did  not really  need as  cupboards are full and deffo   don’t need  any more  books   ec  but  it is like  a magnet to me  i am  always  looking  for  bargains  if I see  something  reduced   something   goes   buzz  MUST  must  HAVE   WHEN  DEEP  INSIDE   deep   know  I DO NOT   NO BANKRUPT   shops  by me !!!

I have   been  very frazzled    about     wi-fi  connections at  my mums   we  don’t know the  number  ahhhahh   END OF WORLD   which causes  great  distress  especially when I  got  a kindle   for my birthday  which   I   could  not  download  books on  ” take   it back no  more tech  books with pages   ( get the picture ) after  asking  for months  to get  it sorted  from mr   computer  man he  came  yesterday and  thought lallalalala all  well   but  this  lasted for  about an  hr  before   replugging  computer  realised   space bar  not working and    to top  it all must have   pressed  a wrong   BUTTON  everything  went upside  down so screamed  what has he done and  run  back to my  mums  and  brought  this ancient  thing  back ( incase you  were  wondering )!!! she is  typing

Have  to keep   thinking  things  can only get  better!! and only  2 days  in to new year  !!! nearly forgot  u should  not eat   yogurt  out of pot  in kitchen as  goes  all over  the  clothes   KEEP CALM COUNT  TO 10000

 

 

 

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