I have met a variety of people in life some understanding towards me and my difficulties in life ( to numerous to mention) and at times I have felt as if I am the only one in the universe with problems but actually if I stop and think about we all have problems but some are better than others and I always remember a Dr saying to me you have been given a really rubbish set of cards to play with but the way you deal with those cards is very well must admit took me awhile to see what he meant but it has stayed with me the last few years !!
It is interesting when I go to a discussion group o r a reading group were we read the book together and generally have a yap it is interesting to see the different ways of seeing the same product through different eyes the vast majority of us have sight but the way we view something can be so different as a childminder I used to ask the kids to explain why they were punching each others eyes out and would get completely different versions of the same story !!
WE obviously share our genetic makeup with our parents and although I look like my mum personality wise more like ,my dad but a lot of me is just me a totally unique human being just like so many trillion billion on the planet !!1
The vast majority of my senses are in well to put it bluntly a mess I am not very good around touchy feeling people and noisy people eating sweets in the theatre but again that is the way I am just like some people are brought up in a house with no books and some families have homes that look like libraries umm my flat is a bit like that but due to my aspergers and ocd I can’t leave words alone !!!
I would not say I am very religious but tend to be of the thinking live and live as long as not harming anyone but do feel at times there is a God or something looking down at me but must admit don’t chat much to him only a quick yell when in a nark and I do get Very NARKY but then maybe their is a purpose to my life if their was no people with difficulties it would be very boring all in all just I should just accept who I am and so should other people !!
Would YOU or me want to be these two nothing against them personally but their lives can never be private as they are member of the royal family which apparently makes them super human and do not have the same emotions as us mere mortals.
THE MAJORITY OF us come across labels all the times warbaby veggie Goth My life has been ruled by labels which can be hard to get away from as they do form and help explain where I am in life but we are not the labels we wear wether it be Primak or Addias they are not us just a brand we all have our own triumphs in life like competing in a road race and beating the time that is personal to me but although I enjoy running would not really call my self an athlete just something I enjoy me for me
Labels are difficult to get away from as a kid my mum was always reminding me of the brain damage i got at birth so thats why not like the others in my class , I later in life got diagnosed with diabetes which is very brittle and dances about like no-ones business and also aspergers affectsme more than people knoe although people tell me most of the time i am just louby !
It is difficult to get away from labels when they come into your life so much little things going wrong can throw me off kilt and into roaring lion but is that just the way I am or is it the aspergers or blood sugars to high or to low !!
People form opinions on other people all the time maybe without really knowing the person or just making assumptions but an opinion is that neither right or wrong just a plain opinion this is hard to remember when in a rage
It does matter wether u drive a rolls or a mini member of royal family or brought up in a council estate you are u not a label defined by what u wear or live be u unique and be just accept it maybe easier walking round without a giant chip on your shoulder although I am a fine one to talk when I yell at my parents this is your fault !!! but who does not do that sometime in their lives and am sure the royals do !!
WE are all worth more than a label
I have heard the expression going round in circles countless times but never given it much thought til now so thought would quickly write thoughts down it is interesting to see a circle and actually think there is no beginning or end so where is the beginning or the end this is an interesting concept to me as a person who suffers from aspergers and ocd I often have the same thoughts going round and round constantly believe u me it is a nightmare !
It is particularly difficult when something bad happens in my day as think about it constantly and put curses people and stamp and grind my teeth constantly the only thing that can stop this is when I read (but u have to be calm to do this or write or set myself a massive project like translating paradise lost into Scouse I kind of get lost with my ideas instead of taking a step back and viewing the whole picture properly instead of getting swallowed up in the small details of life and suppose if being realistic will never do the things I set out to do (don’t tell me that when having a meltdown)
When having a moment which their is many I will think of something that has distressed me and relive the whole moment and perhaps should take a deep breath and breathe slowly step back and think something that has upset me months years ago is not really going to effect me today!! this is easy to do when relatively calm
It is easy to think when in a bad mood that life is a total disaster and wish why here but should really remember that life is a rollercoaster for all and sometimes it is up and sometimes down (think a famous nursery rhyme their oh to be a dog just peaceful thoughts
the mountains just be !
I had all intentions of starting this last week and indeed I did but i was not in the best of moods and hit the wrong button and it flew off the page and that was that . Although i am calmer than last time i still have this crazy idea that this may help with me my aspergers as reading and writing tend to calm me down and stop me doing karate kicks all over the flat so here goes 2nd time lucky
I would love to know what was the first thing bad thing that was ever done in the world done by a fella and tasted the fruit HE WAS TOLD NOT TOUCH and this is why we are in the mess we are in today although that bloke Jesus did come and try to save us like
I need to know the brainy stuff and you are the ghost who Moses thought was really great and he passed down all those great rules to us
I think I could do with some help though as I want this to be dead good and be like nothing before ever written.
I really need you to teach me to do this and my heart is in the right place which is the right thing better than your fancy churches with their gaudy decor need a makeover most of them
You are a real brainboxand were their right at the beginning.you sat like a giant dove and your wings spread out the darkness and Hey Presto everything sprang into life .
Brighten me when I am a div and make me strong in all my talents so that I can tell everyone gods great plan you know all about heaven and hell so what on earth made Adam and Eve disobey god when they seemed so made up with what they had . He had given them everything except for one tiny little thing
Who on earth was it who made them do it ?
WAit for it WAIT it was of course the snake , he was thirsty for revenge and was green with envy (well Kind of and he decided to get his own back and trick Eve .
IT was pride that was his undoing and he was chucked out of heaven with all his mates .Al his mates supported him like,even when he decided to go into gang warfare with the one and only GOD.
HE WAS doomed from the beginning and for daring God to a bashup he was sent to Hell and for nine days and i suppose nights he and his mates had a kip in the burning fires of hell !!
ALWAYS BEEN A READER BUT NOT READ MUCH OF THE deep heavy stuff until the last five years when I joined a shared reading group were I discovered a love of reading the deep stuff the deeper the better as you tend to get a real sense of accomplishment when you finish something big especially if you understood it !!
I have dabbled in Shakespeare the last five years and thoroughly enjoyed it so when the opportunity came to read paradise lost in a group setting I was made up although must admit at times felt it was hellish I always came home in a goodish mood but twice I arrived to read the said play and twice two weeks running it was not on I was beginning to get ratty as having aspergers means I get annoyed over what may be considered quite small things . the 2nd time the group was cancelled I decided this was sign not to go as don’t think God likes paradise lost much as it is Miltons version of events not his .
I began to feel a meltdown come on and jumped about and cursed a lot ( I am very good at his BUT then I put my duvet on well over my head were I had abrian wave I like the big things and the bigger the better so decided that paradise lost is not really FOR THE every day person so lets rewrite in scouse I realise this is a bit mad but I am mad well ish and actually like writing stuff especially from old fashioned twaddle into god language s couse ummm feel a lot better no so now to start but think will have a cuppa first alright la
ha have not written for such a long time as am frazzled with stuff well life to be more precise I had an idea to write a blog all year to see if someone with aspergers can have a happy year but have come to the conclusion by the end of the march that the answer is deffo a big fat NO as I can’t get stuff out of my head so whereas most people can forget the ups and downs of life I am still jumping up and down hysterically days months even years after the event ! even if it aomething quite trivial like a bus arriving at 9.15 instead of 9.10
so NO it is impossible to have a happy year but hey looking after the past few months since last written I have had a few good days which i suppose makes life livable !
I am probably feeling frazzled as it is easter and my brother and his family coming to stay which will send all my routine sky high but it is only for a few days I do love my nieces kind of
do love them !!
I am feeling much calmer after getting my thoughts down so will have to try it more often famous last words