I don’t like change i am happy with everything in the routine mode of u go here on a Monday and here on A SATURDAY and never the twain will change !!!
I know people on the autistic spectrum don’t like to do things different and I am wondering why !!!!!
My personal view is i am happy where i am which is Birkenhead on the Wirral we are not attached to that place known as Liverpool although people often think we are !
I adore where I live because I am not far from the sea city or country so have no great need to travel and see things although I have been known to do so
The reason I don’t like going on holiday is the preparation and the main thingbout my aspie me is i have to have books with me so u will never see with a little tiny bag as i have an incredible urge to carry thing s especially books and no a kindle wont do as it is not the same as a book
so when I go on holiday i like to take loads of books and also like to follow guide books when I get theirs it just makes me feel safe although one day I was taking a group of friends on a walk only to find an estate built-in the middle of the walkway this caused me quite a bit of stress as we were not going the right way and no end of ” does it matter if we go a different way would pacify me although can laugh at it now !!!
My parents are at the moment on holiday in Llandudno some sort of carers break as i am there daughter!!!! umm leave it their
This has been caused by lots of mishaps we have been reading about the awful weather all week and if it is one thing u cant control it is the weather but u still don’t want to hear about it “gales and rain this weekend” even if it is true !!
My mum broke her leg last October and has been getting on ok but twice now has decided to wash her hair in the sink downstairs which somehow causes muscles etc things to go all wrong and at the time of writing she was walking like a tortoise /robot on a bad day
My dad was muttering “every time we go away and why do we bother i told them to cancel which quieted things down and yes they did go
A few hours got a phone call from mum to say they were ok she had been in the hotel all day and my dad ha d a brisk walk on the front but this was making me fume “why go on holiday and sit in a room why not stay at home fume mad mad I could feel myself exploding but suppose what I got to remember is each to their own and live and let live !!! deep breath
Posted in aspergers
i have not long come back from a very posh do in the centre of LOndon ,their was a mixture of people from all works of life and a few very well known people , I always find when going to these places which may be considered really posh and out your comfort zone to think of these people on the lou or eating breakfast with bits slipping all over the place .
Most people i met were lovely but their was one who seemed to be out of sorts a dn not a bit like the person he portrays normally.
This reminded me of a story when i have dipped in and out of ZEN philosphy so here we go
Once upon a time their was very big-headed man who visited a zen master for a cuppa as u do no idea where this was so the zen man made his tea were he continued to pour and pour into a mug and in the end it was totally over full and spilling all over the place ( u get the picture \)
AAHHHH said mr big head what r doing it is overflowing stop pouring he said
and Mr ZEN told him why the mug was overflowing ummm this mug is full of your opinions and all your view points and what u have done in the past used to empty yourself to rid yourself of the past and view the present !!!
I am not suggesting u try this at home but remember if u are at a place with lots of big big-headed people pour a cup of tea and going back to the do in London at the end of life we are all = their ends the lecture for today
ERRR STRESS RULES MY LIFE APART FROM WHEN I AM CALM THAT IS WHICH IS VERY RARE THESE DAYS ( DONT ASK Y WRITING IN CAPITALS I JUST LIKE THEM )
i WOKE TODAY AND BLOOD I MUST ADMIT WAS A BIT ON THE LOW SIDE CONSIDERING IT WAS 17 GOING TOBE D SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER 7 HA INN YOUR DREAMS IT WAS 3 I DID EAT BEFORE GOING TO READ TO MY ELDERLY PERSON WELL SHE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME I JUST GO ONCE A WEEK AND READ TO HER WHICH I ENJOY IMMENSELY !! AS IT CALMS ME DOWN A CALM LOUISE IS A HAPPY LOUISE HA !!!
i MUST ADMIT MY HEAD WAS BANGING QUITE A BIT AS I LEFT SHE HAD GIVEN ME FOOD FOR MY FREEZER MINE BEING FULL I WALKED TO MY MUMS WHERE IT WAS GRACEFULLY RECEIVED I KEPT THINKING GET SOMETHING TO EAT BUT MY HEAD WAS SAYING NO INSULIN SO BETTER NOT I PROCEEDED TO RING THE GOVERNMENT UP ( THAT’S ANOTHER STORY IT WAS NT DAVE BY THE WAY ) WHICH WAS NO IDEA CONSIDERING BLOOD SUGARS BUT I DID , i ACTUALLY DON’T THINK SHOULD BE WRITING THIS NOW AS MY BLOODS FEEL AS HIGH AS A KITE !!! ( THE BLOOD DOES CRAZY THINGS U KNOW )
i CAME HOME THINKING JUST NEED TO EAT MY DAD HAD TO RUN AFTER DOWN THE ROAD AS HAD LEFT MY BAG WITH KEY ETC TO-GET IN ONCE IN MY HUMBLE ABODE TOOK BLOOD IT WAS 2 I THEN GORGED AND GORGED AND GORGED U GET THE PICTURE AND NOW I FEEL EXTREMELY ILL AND SICKLY ERRR ITS THE BLOOD U KNOW NOT THE GUINNESS HAPPY ST PADDY’S DAY NOW WHERE THAT BLOOD SUGAR KIT !!!
Posted in diabetic
I have been having a very exciting time lately with a trip down to London with the reader org a fave charity of mine wHICH really helps me and loads of others by reading together but more of that on a later date maybe
I WAS WATCHING THE NEWS LAST NIGHT ON ITV WERE THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ptsd AS PER USUAL IT WAS SHOWING A PERSON WHO SUFFERS FROM THIS DEBILITATING CONDITION FROM BEING IN THE ARMY BUT THEIR ARE OTHER REASONS FOR HAVING THIS !!!
i HAVE SUFFERED VARIOUS FORMS OF ABUSE GROWING UP AND HAD THOUGHT GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM TIL A MUCH LATER AN EVENT SPARKED IT OFF AGAIN i WAS YELLING NOOOOOO AT SOME ONE LAYS FOR ME TO BE IGNORED AND THIS EVENT ND WHYPLAYS AROUND CONSTANTLY IN MY MIND WHY DID THIS HAPPEN WHY DON’T U LISTEN TODAY WAS AN ULTRA BAD DAY AS THE THOUGHTS WOULD NOT LEAVE MY MIND AS SAID BEFORE WRITING THIS DOWN HELPS BUT PLEASE REMEMBER ptsd DOES NOT JUST OCCUR IN THE ARMY !! TA DEEP BREATHS
so upset the last few days just over doing something quite simple like pick my prescription up something i have been doing why well last century !! with no bother because of my aspergers and dyspraxia i often get in a bit of a mess about remembering to pick things up and order them which could be dangerous if diabetic does not really bother me that much if forget anti depressant or cholesterol tablet as not going to become dangerously ill
so u can imagine my distress when going to pick my insulin up the lady who was new was going on about are u exempt where is your certificate yer got someone but where it is anyone’s guess umm well they are checking up on people well they can do I am diabetic so not hiding anything !!
I got all agited well more than that saying “wont bother then and will be dead by tomorrow and u will be on news on ten it s ok she said people who knew me were watching this with interest so yer i got my insulin but am panicking as can’t find my certificate so need to go down and get it renewed sensible self says other self says sod it I will end up in hospital costing the country a whole lot of money I am under that much stress most of time don’t care if live or die if the truth be known .
I understand this has been bought about because people have been saying they are exempt when not but if u have got an illness were u have to take the medicine would it not be better to give a gentle reminder ! instead of causing all this upset !!
I have been on so called THE SICK for well over a decade if u saw me u would prob think pretty outgoing with people she feel comfortable with but who would have any idea of the thoughts wishing washing round and round my head never stopping whirling round going over the past and worrying about the future !!
MY oasis in life is a charity were people read together in groups and i attend regularly called THE READER ORGANISATION which with out i doubt would be here today I go into a reading group and the incessent thoughts sem to vanish !!!
I also do bits of regular volunteer work for them reading each week to an elderly lady and helping at various events such as fairs taking tickets for show u get the picture i do not laze about watching a certain prog on Itv every day whose name escapes me
I think someone could see into my brian and head and be for one day they would be gobsmacked at how i cope but the things i do are not good enough for this so called government as they want me off benifit and into a paid job well as my dad no-one would have me as i come absolutely exhausted talking to people for long periods of time and my head would be come incessently worse til end up in the local hospital
I can understand that some people are out to get wot they can from the system i am not one of them and neither are countless others i regularly attend interviews at the job centre were they send me letters saying if not answer the phone or attend my money will be stopped !!! to give someone a letter like this when suffering from asperpergers ocd ptsd and probably other disorders which can’t remember is diabolical surely in this day and age they could ensure that people who suffer this type of illness do not get such letters !!
Lately the media show people on benefit who seem to be enjoying life yer I go to things i enjoy and to the outsider it looks fine but can u imagine having the same thought going round to give u an idea what it is like for at least the next hour keep saying ” let’s have salami for tea and let me know how u feel at the end I can u tell u know exhausted !!! deep breath and carry on
I have been diabetic over half my life so u would think would be used to it and its tribulations but hey guess what everytime I TAKE my blood i am somewhat surprised !!! Havent u got used to it yer i have but my other health problems take precedence ! ( and the love of !!!)
my brian overtakes my bllod sugar regime regulary so evan when keep to a perfect diet HA the bllod goes round and up and down like a constant merry go round combined with rollercoaster mainly because of STRESS also combined with ocd ptsd and other dilemellias like dypraxia but hey thats life !! and it makes it interesting if nothing else
oh well i will run two diabetic days just to say I am taking a vague interest away from my brain probs
Last Saturday I woke up bit headachey but nought out of the Ordinary i had a quick breakfast blood was reasonable at 7 but thought would lie down after a brief breakfast and thought would lie down for few mins and doze well the doze went on and on and on u get the picture I kinda of woke up briefly and felt awful so could not move and by the time actually got up and ventured out of bed room the football results were in !!! my blood was slightly low but nothing awful i began to be attacked by thoughts of ocd aspie take ruminating over past mistakes by over people and myself of course which wont leave my brain so it was no big surprise to see that my blood sugar was in mid 20s going to bed not because of things eaten but because of the stress of my thoughts which wont leave my brain !!! u dont know what goes on behind closed doors but neither do u know what is in my brain ( thank god )) this actually help writing it down ( wonders of wonders )
I slept ok although was worried about letter got in post about benefit that really dd not help the next evening went to my mums as her birthday on the 16th of this month (MONDAY GONE ) so treated parents by staying the night ha i watched tv and read all was well but then realised when took my evening insulin that only had 4 units left in pen i was mad but not fuming mad and just decided to come back early the next day and take Half of evening dose but in morning so that was the plan felt okish in the night but felt yukity in am which was not surprising so took big dose of the quick acting ins to t make up for mixup I was planning on nipping home when guess what i found in my black bag an extra pen of insulin which had not found last night ( elves love hiding stuff ) quickly took the insulin half the usual dose and was away celebrating the usual birthday happening like present opening and eating / drinking
The big question does this give u a headache ha now u know what I feel like ha big breath and carry on