Roughly abt a month got form through to change over from DLA to pip not kidding been an absolute nightmare desperately trying to get the evidence of my health condition together , i just hope and pray i do not have to go through this again, as trying to remember how traveling affect me when the ptsd strikes my thought patterns all the while leading me to bite something such as a piece of cloth , have often said to people involved with myself come with me for a day and then say do not require help !!
I think u have a recognized health condition h as aspergers ptsd or as my diabetes shows itself with erratic blood sugars once the original form been filled it should be left on file and maybe just a phone call once a year . their are people who take the system for a ride so to speak but really i don’t think u cld lie your way through one of those pip forms !!
Luckily I have my parents to help me filll the form in although they spent most of their time telling me what a difficult person i am to be around especially when doing some thing disagree with
I woke this Am and thought F<<<<<< pip form must be filled but hey INVICTUS i am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul and i am not hiding any of my health conditions so hey hum that’s how spent bank hol ho hum and not another one til christmas ho hum
Been roughly a week since decided to learn invictus by heart , ha it has got me out of slight pickles but only by a millimeter and that better than nothing , think I need to recite it more when calm so automatically goes to my brain when frazzled
. My ptsd tends to strike when doing aimless things like walking the streets ( not that way ) as i have nothing much to focus on , as i am so used to traveling the routes my self so bang ( swear swear ) off i went now what is it something abt a night being black but does not seem to flow with the 2nd line think yer that’s it Black as the night that covers me nooooo its out of the night see its not as easy as it sounds but actually reciting the lines begins to calm me down as gets the obscene filthy thoughts.
Today i recited a bit before getting out of my pit of ahhh by Jove as the light nips through OUT OF THE NIGHT THAT COVERS ME
BLACK AS THE PIT FROM POLE TO POLE ( NOT SURE )
I THANK WHATEVER GODS MAYBE FOR MY UNCONQUERABLE SOUL yer that sounds right and think look what u have gone through and u sure will see it through to the end my ptsd thoughts began to strike when realized cld not find sandles to go with skirt and coffee slipped out of my hand leaving splurges but hey goes with the pattern and I am master of my fate went to the pub and yum lovely roast for a fiver FIGHT ON
HI JUST BEEN told it has been 9 months since last posted wow i am not going to say what most people say who have been waiting for 9 months but really life is pretty much the same , and feel have become very neglectful of writing my thoughts and feeling down which countless people have told me does me good , and that what matters ha !!! no bothered if no one ever reads it but doing this fo r me ultra selfish person that i am ( not )
P eople who have brain disorders should help each other and honestly would not like any one to go through what i go through actually would like an enemy to through it i have always had difficulty thinking ” I Rambling on
I am not going to go on about how come across Invictus but lets just say had a profound effect on me especially the last two lines I am the master of my fate ., I am the captain of my sould because of abuse as a kid i am extremely agitated especially if say the word no and people take no notice
I decided to repeat the last two lines to myself whenever intrusive thoughts entered my head which can only describe as a motor way running through my head without any diversion, and it did divert my thinking but only slightly so i kept thinking need more and that is when decide i am going to learn the lot and see where gets me just letting u know not a great poety lover prefer a novel but this i think hope pray will change every thing ” out of the night that covers me first bit always the hardest !!
I sometimes feel over come by anger that i feel can not continue living sound over the top but true , some people just see the Louise which is boppy and happy others see the Louise who is easily irritated and others see the full blown anger of not being able to control my emotions .
I have always been a reader but more and more people say why dont u write it may calm u and whilst doing this article ( very posh ) i can see what people mean it is something calming about more so then reading although i am not going to give that up in a hurry !!!
people wonder why i am angry very few people know the real me who had their life ripped apart by a sexual attack who is also aspergic and diabetic so no wonder i am angry and crazy especially when u tell the truth to people and they dont believe you !!!
I am so jealous of people who go on tv and seem to forgive what ever has been done to them and broadcasts the fact but something in my head wont let me do that as various thoughts go round and round , i last year diagnosed my self with ptsd and maybe next month i will be get a phone call where to go next ( the powers that be lost my referral )
Anger comes from fear so people say , and in a way i can see why people think that as i never know do i not like people touching me cause aspergic and never really liked touch or is it the deep breaths abuse .
people also say love will overcome and before listening to songs of praise and the football anthem abide with me came on and i did kind of feel that someone was looking after me (i am not religious although used to go to church like to sing ) for those few moments of calm, able to carry on , well this writing thing must be working no longer thinking of ringing th Samaritans for a chat !!!! ummm
Ages since i have written anything which i should do more of as find it calms me down but hearing it was punctuation day and knowing how bad i am at it as literally can not be bothered here i am writing again
i am still waiting for help with my ptsd and the thoughts whirling round and round which will not go away driving me crackers which it was nealy a year ago i remember being referred in mid October as i remember it was the day after my mum broke her leg so i am right in it being nearly a year , i have reminded my DR on various occasions but so far to no avail but u never know tomorrow their maybre something in the post just like one day their will be world peace !!!
I had other worries on my head today like where was my blood testing strips i was planning on telling them i had lost them and it would be cheaper for me to have them then end up in hosi but hey presto i wonders and wonders their they were so can test my blood yippeee the relief honestly !!!!
hug sigh !!! groan !!! banging head against wall not literally you will be glad to hear but I have been getting more and more fed up waiting for help with PTSD constant chatter well its more than that more like yelling in head with thoughts going round and round think u have heard this before !!!
I decided to call back at my GP and tell them that still not heard anything about the holy grail EMDR treatment and at times life is yer livable and other times feel lets go on the ferry across the Mersey and not for pleasure !!!
The GP practice runs a shared thing so unless fussy can see anyone so i did only to be told their was no evidence of me being their roughly a month ago so once again the usual story of my word against theirs !!!!
The dr proceeded to write my concerns on a tiny piece of paper i had to stop myself from saying “don’t lose that ” but i faithfully handed it in desk people on leaving and waited to see what would happen
waiting is sometimes the hardest thing to do had they rung me and i had missed it or had i been put down as patient to be ignored thoughts running away with me but hey a few days later got a very apologetic phone call saying the providers of my emdr treatment were no longer running and they had done my referral again so HURRAY PARTY TIME (over reaction) so here i am playing the waiting game agin but what worries me what happens to the people who do not go back to the GP and ask what has happens to their refferal (worry worry ) hope fully light at end of tunnel should go and see if their is anything in post but not holding breath !!! huhhhh sigh
i have been extremely stressed out with the thought s whirling around and around which is driving me crazy my ptsd which go round and round the loop and i cant stop them “WHY DID u not listen etc can u imagine the same thought going round and round , try thinking have fish fingers for tea and repeat a million times and that how i feel !!!
I am always looking for ways to calm down and thought today would give yoga ago at the local community place it does help as it is free so nothing to lose !!
I tried this yeons ago and although balance not good doing the tree with dyspraxia is not good but it was good fum both before and today .
I felt bit panicky as had no idea where to get mats out and where to put them and we had to be filmed to try and pretend we are enjoying this but i must admit i did , i think because no-one says thats wrong all a lot of the time i know i am not in the right place but does it really matter , i had a few of these rambling thought but nothing compared t how i was before i left the house and actually put my name down for next week although kept thinking should i come back or not . So yes it is calming but it is something i will have to do regularly to get the full benefit .
I felt the whirly thoughts come back not long after after arriving home so came on the computer and did daft games and decided to try meditation which is another thing which may help but saying this will help is completely different than doing it !!! oh well best foot forward as the person doing the meditation said just start again when mind wanders off every failure is a positive !! really