#holidays #aspiestyle

I   don’t like  change   i am  happy with  everything  in the  routine mode of  u go here on a Monday  and here on  A SATURDAY  and never the   twain will  change !!!

I  know  people on the   autistic  spectrum don’t   like to do  things  different  and  I am wondering   why !!!!!

My personal view is   i  am happy  where i am which is  Birkenhead    on the  Wirral  we   are not  attached   to that  place known as  Liverpool  although  people  often think we are !

I adore    where I live   because   I am not  far  from the   sea   city or  country   so have  no great  need  to  travel and  see  things   although  I have  been  known  to do so

The reason I don’t like   going on holiday is the preparation and  the  main thingbout  my aspie   me   is i have  to have  books with  me so u will  never  see  with a little tiny bag    as    i have   an  incredible urge  to carry thing s especially  books  and no a kindle   wont  do  as it is not the same as a book

so when   I go on  holiday   i like to  take    loads of books and also  like to  follow  guide  books  when I  get theirs   it  just makes   me feel safe  although one  day  I was taking   a group   of  friends on a walk only to   find   an estate built-in the middle of the   walkway   this  caused   me  quite   a bit of  stress as we  were not going  the   right  way  and  no end  of ” does it matter   if we    go a  different  way would   pacify me   although can laugh at  it now !!!

My parents are  at the moment  on holiday  in Llandudno some sort   of carers break as i am there  daughter!!!!  umm leave it their

This has been caused  by    lots of mishaps  we  have  been reading  about the  awful weather  all week   and if  it is one   thing u cant  control it is the weather but u still don’t want  to hear  about  it  “gales and rain this weekend”   even if it is  true !!

My mum broke  her leg  last October and has been getting on ok but   twice now has  decided   to wash her hair in the   sink downstairs   which somehow causes   muscles etc things to  go all wrong  and at the time of writing  she was walking like a tortoise /robot on a bad day

My dad was muttering   “every time we   go away and why do we bother  i told them to cancel which quieted  things down  and yes they did  go

 A few hours     got  a phone call  from mum to say they were  ok she had  been in the   hotel all day and my  dad  ha d a brisk walk  on the front   but this was making  me  fume  “why go on holiday   and  sit in a room    why not  stay at  home    fume mad  mad  I could feel  myself  exploding  but    suppose    what I got to  remember   is  each to their   own   and  live  and let live  !!!  deep breath

Posted in aspergers | Tagged | Leave a comment

#HOW TO DEAL WITH BIGHEADS #ZEN

i have not long  come  back from a very  posh do   in the centre of  LOndon ,their  was  a mixture of  people   from all works of life and a  few very well  known people  ,  I always   find when going  to these places    which may be  considered   really posh and out your  comfort   zone to    think of these people  on the lou  or eating  breakfast with bits  slipping  all over  the place  .

Most people i met  were  lovely but their   was one  who  seemed  to be out of   sorts a dn not  a bit like   the  person  he portrays  normally.

This   reminded me  of a story when i have   dipped   in and out  of  ZEN philosphy  so here we   go

Once upon a time their was   very big-headed    man who visited  a  zen master   for  a cuppa  as u do   no idea   where  this was  so the  zen man  made his tea  were   he  continued to pour and pour  into a  mug   and in the end  it was   totally over full  and  spilling all over the  place  (  u get the  picture \)

AAHHHH  said  mr  big head  what  r   doing   it is  overflowing  stop  pouring  he  said

and  Mr   ZEN    told him why  the mug  was overflowing   ummm  this mug  is full of  your opinions  and   all your  view points  and  what   u have  done  in the past   used to empty   yourself   to rid   yourself  of the past and  view  the present !!!

I  am not  suggesting u try this   at home  but   remember   if u are at a place   with lots of    big big-headed   people    pour a cup of  tea   and going  back to the   do in London   at the   end of  life  we  are all  =      their  ends  the lecture   for today

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

#DIABETICROLLERCOASTER

ERRR  STRESS   RULES MY LIFE   APART  FROM WHEN I AM CALM THAT IS   WHICH IS  VERY RARE  THESE  DAYS  (  DONT ASK Y   WRITING IN CAPITALS I JUST LIKE THEM )

i WOKE TODAY AND   BLOOD  I MUST  ADMIT  WAS  A  BIT ON THE  LOW  SIDE  CONSIDERING  IT  WAS 17 GOING  TOBE D SUPPOSED  TO  BE UNDER 7   HA INN YOUR DREAMS   IT  WAS   3  I DID   EAT BEFORE   GOING  TO  READ  TO MY ELDERLY PERSON  WELL  SHE DOES   NOT BELONG TO ME I JUST  GO  ONCE  A WEEK AND  READ    TO HER   WHICH I ENJOY IMMENSELY !!  AS IT  CALMS  ME DOWN A  CALM LOUISE   IS  A  HAPPY LOUISE HA !!!

i MUST  ADMIT  MY HEAD  WAS BANGING   QUITE A  BIT  AS  I LEFT  SHE HAD  GIVEN ME  FOOD   FOR MY FREEZER   MINE  BEING   FULL I  WALKED TO MY MUMS   WHERE   IT  WAS   GRACEFULLY  RECEIVED   I KEPT THINKING   GET SOMETHING  TO EAT    BUT  MY HEAD   WAS  SAYING NO INSULIN  SO BETTER  NOT   I PROCEEDED TO   RING THE   GOVERNMENT UP  (  THAT’S   ANOTHER   STORY   IT   WAS NT   DAVE    BY THE  WAY  )   WHICH  WAS NO IDEA  CONSIDERING   BLOOD SUGARS  BUT   I DID    , i ACTUALLY  DON’T THINK SHOULD  BE  WRITING THIS   NOW AS   MY BLOODS  FEEL AS  HIGH AS A KITE  !!! ( THE   BLOOD   DOES  CRAZY THINGS   U KNOW )

i CAME HOME   THINKING  JUST  NEED TO EAT  MY DAD HAD TO   RUN  AFTER   DOWN THE  ROAD  AS  HAD LEFT  MY BAG  WITH  KEY ETC  TO-GET IN ONCE IN MY  HUMBLE   ABODE   TOOK BLOOD  IT WAS  2  I THEN GORGED  AND GORGED   AND GORGED   U GET  THE PICTURE  AND NOW  I FEEL  EXTREMELY ILL  AND SICKLY    ERRR  ITS  THE   BLOOD U  KNOW NOT THE GUINNESS   HAPPY ST PADDY’S DAY  NOW  WHERE  THAT BLOOD SUGAR KIT !!!

Posted in diabetic | Tagged | Leave a comment

#ptsd stress ahhhhhhhhhhh

I have  been   having a    very  exciting    time  lately with a  trip down to   London with the reader org   a  fave  charity  of  mine  wHICH really helps me  and  loads  of others   by reading   together    but more of that on a later   date  maybe

I  WAS  WATCHING THE   NEWS LAST NIGHT   ON ITV  WERE THEY   WERE TALKING ABOUT ptsd AS  PER  USUAL IT  WAS SHOWING   A PERSON WHO SUFFERS FROM THIS   DEBILITATING   CONDITION FROM   BEING IN THE  ARMY BUT   THEIR ARE   OTHER  REASONS     FOR  HAVING  THIS  !!!

i HAVE  SUFFERED   VARIOUS   FORMS  OF  ABUSE   GROWING    UP AND  HAD  THOUGHT    GOT IT   OUT OF MY SYSTEM   TIL A   MUCH LATER    AN EVENT   SPARKED IT OFF  AGAIN   i WAS  YELLING  NOOOOOO  AT   SOME ONE LAYS  FOR   ME  TO BE IGNORED   AND THIS   EVENT ND   WHYPLAYS   AROUND  CONSTANTLY  IN MY MIND  WHY DID   THIS  HAPPEN  WHY   DON’T U LISTEN   TODAY  WAS  AN ULTRA  BAD  DAY   AS THE   THOUGHTS    WOULD  NOT LEAVE MY MIND   AS  SAID   BEFORE   WRITING  THIS   DOWN HELPS  BUT   PLEASE   REMEMBER ptsd  DOES  NOT   JUST OCCUR IN THE   ARMY  !!  TA     DEEP BREATHS

Posted in aspergers | Leave a comment

#diabeticblues #aspiemeltdown #exemptioncertificate

so upset the last  few   days     just over  doing  something  quite  simple  like   pick my prescription up  something i  have  been   doing   why well last  century !!    with  no bother    because of   my aspergers  and   dyspraxia    i  often    get in a  bit of  a mess    about   remembering   to pick things  up and order them which   could   be   dangerous   if  diabetic   does  not    really   bother  me that much if  forget   anti  depressant or    cholesterol  tablet  as not  going    to become  dangerously ill

so   u can imagine  my distress  when  going to pick my   insulin up   the lady  who was new    was  going  on  about     are u exempt  where is  your  certificate   yer  got someone but  where   it is  anyone’s  guess   umm well    they are  checking up on people  well they  can do I am diabetic   so  not hiding   anything  !!

I got   all agited   well more than that   saying  “wont bother   then and will be  dead  by tomorrow   and u  will  be on news on ten   it s  ok she  said   people  who  knew  me  were watching this  with interest  so yer  i got my insulin  but   am panicking as   can’t  find my   certificate   so   need   to go   down  and get it   renewed  sensible self  says    other   self       says   sod it    I  will  end up in hospital    costing  the  country   a whole  lot of money  I  am under that much  stress  most of time  don’t  care if  live or  die  if the   truth be known .

I understand  this   has  been bought   about  because   people  have  been    saying   they are   exempt  when not   but if u have  got   an illness  were   u have to  take  the  medicine    would   it not be  better   to  give  a   gentle   reminder  !  instead  of    causing all this upset  !!

Posted in aspergers perscription | Tagged , | Leave a comment

#benifitblues #hiidendisability #ptsd

I have been on so called  THE SICK   for  well over  a  decade if  u saw  me  u  would prob  think  pretty  outgoing   with people   she  feel comfortable with  but who  would have  any idea  of the  thoughts    wishing    washing  round and  round my head   never  stopping    whirling   round   going   over the  past and  worrying about  the  future  !!

MY oasis   in life  is    a charity  were people  read  together  in groups   and i attend    regularly   called  THE READER ORGANISATION  which with  out    i doubt   would  be   here  today  I go  into a  reading   group and the    incessent thoughts  sem to   vanish !!!

I  also  do  bits  of  regular    volunteer   work for them  reading  each week to an  elderly lady and helping   at   various   events   such as  fairs    taking  tickets  for  show  u get the picture  i do  not laze about   watching a  certain prog  on Itv  every  day whose   name   escapes me

I  think someone  could  see into  my brian and head  and be   for  one  day  they would  be  gobsmacked   at how i  cope   but  the  things  i do  are   not   good  enough for   this   so  called    government  as  they want me   off   benifit   and into  a paid  job   well  as my dad    no-one  would  have me   as  i  come   absolutely exhausted  talking to people    for long  periods of  time and     my head   would  be come   incessently  worse  til  end   up in the    local hospital

I can understand  that  some  people   are   out to  get   wot they  can  from the   system   i am not   one of  them and neither   are  countless  others   i regularly   attend   interviews  at  the   job  centre  were  they send me  letters  saying if  not   answer  the phone  or  attend   my money will  be   stopped !!!  to give   someone  a  letter  like this    when suffering  from asperpergers  ocd   ptsd  and probably  other   disorders   which can’t  remember is    diabolical  surely  in this  day and   age    they    could   ensure    that  people  who   suffer this   type  of    illness   do not  get   such letters !!

Lately the  media   show people  on benefit  who  seem to  be  enjoying life   yer   I go   to things  i enjoy and  to the  outsider  it looks fine   but  can  u imagine   having the  same thought   going  round    to give u an  idea  what it  is  like   for  at least the  next hour   keep   saying  ” let’s have  salami for   tea  and  let me  know  how u feel at  the  end I  can u tell   u know    exhausted  !!!     deep  breath   and carry on

Posted in aspergers, hidden diability, jobce ntre | Tagged | Leave a comment

#diabeticmishaps #aspie #ptsd #ocd #thoughts

I  have  been diabetic over  half my life so u would think would be used to  it and its  tribulations    but  hey  guess   what  everytime  I TAKE   my blood   i am  somewhat   surprised   !!!  Havent  u got used  to   it  yer i  have  but    my other   health   problems   take precedence ! (   and the  love of  !!!)

my brian    overtakes   my bllod  sugar  regime   regulary  so  evan  when keep to  a  perfect diet  HA     the bllod  goes  round and   up and down  like a constant    merry   go round   combined  with    rollercoaster    mainly because  of   STRESS    also    combined  with     ocd   ptsd and  other   dilemellias    like  dypraxia      but  hey   thats  life   !!  and it  makes  it   interesting  if nothing  else

oh well  i will  run    two   diabetic    days   just  to   say    I   am taking   a  vague interest  away from my brain probs

Last    Saturday  I woke    up   bit    headachey  but    nought   out of the  Ordinary  i had  a  quick    breakfast   blood  was  reasonable at   7    but   thought  would  lie    down after   a  brief     breakfast and thought   would  lie   down  for   few mins   and  doze    well the   doze    went on and on and on  u get the  picture   I   kinda    of woke up briefly   and  felt  awful    so could not   move   and   by the   time  actually  got  up  and   ventured  out of  bed room the  football  results  were  in !!! my blood was  slightly low   but nothing  awful i   began  to be   attacked  by  thoughts of  ocd    aspie        take   ruminating   over  past mistakes    by  over people      and myself  of course     which  wont leave my brain so    it  was no   big  surprise   to see  that my blood  sugar  was  in  mid  20s    going to bed  not  because   of things   eaten   but  because of the   stress  of my  thoughts   which  wont leave  my brain !!! u  dont know    what  goes on behind  closed    doors   but neither   do u know   what is   in my brain ( thank god ))   this  actually  help  writing  it down    ( wonders of  wonders )

I slept ok although   was  worried   about    letter   got in post     about   benefit  that   really   dd not help   the next  evening   went to my mums  as   her   birthday on the    16th of this month (MONDAY GONE  )   so treated  parents   by staying the  night  ha   i watched   tv  and read  all  was  well   but  then realised  when took my evening   insulin  that  only   had  4 units   left in pen  i was  mad   but   not  fuming  mad  and just    decided   to come   back   early  the   next  day and   take  Half  of  evening   dose   but in morning  so  that  was the  plan felt  okish  in the  night  but    felt   yukity   in  am   which was not  surprising   so  took big  dose  of  the  quick  acting ins   to t  make up for  mixup  I was planning  on nipping home  when guess  what    i found  in my black  bag   an  extra  pen of insulin   which had not  found last night    (  elves   love  hiding stuff  )    quickly   took  the   insulin  half the  usual dose   and  was  away    celebrating  the  usual   birthday happening  like   present  opening  and    eating   / drinking

The   big  question  does    this    give   u a  headache    ha   now u know  what I  feel like   ha     big    breath and  carry on

Posted in aspergers, diabetic | Tagged | Leave a comment