#diabeticblues #aspiemeltdown #exemptioncertificate

so upset the last  few   days     just over  doing  something  quite  simple  like   pick my prescription up  something i  have  been   doing   why well last  century !!    with  no bother    because of   my aspergers  and   dyspraxia    i  often    get in a  bit of  a mess    about   remembering   to pick things  up and order them which   could   be   dangerous   if  diabetic   does  not    really   bother  me that much if  forget   anti  depressant or    cholesterol  tablet  as not  going    to become  dangerously ill

so   u can imagine  my distress  when  going to pick my   insulin up   the lady  who was new    was  going  on  about     are u exempt  where is  your  certificate   yer  got someone but  where   it is  anyone’s  guess   umm well    they are  checking up on people  well they  can do I am diabetic   so  not hiding   anything  !!

I got   all agited   well more than that   saying  “wont bother   then and will be  dead  by tomorrow   and u  will  be on news on ten   it s  ok she  said   people  who  knew  me  were watching this  with interest  so yer  i got my insulin  but   am panicking as   can’t  find my   certificate   so   need   to go   down  and get it   renewed  sensible self  says    other   self       says   sod it    I  will  end up in hospital    costing  the  country   a whole  lot of money  I  am under that much  stress  most of time  don’t  care if  live or  die  if the   truth be known .

I understand  this   has  been bought   about  because   people  have  been    saying   they are   exempt  when not   but if u have  got   an illness  were   u have to  take  the  medicine    would   it not be  better   to  give  a   gentle   reminder  !  instead  of    causing all this upset  !!

#benifitblues #hiidendisability #ptsd

I have been on so called  THE SICK   for  well over  a  decade if  u saw  me  u  would prob  think  pretty  outgoing   with people   she  feel comfortable with  but who  would have  any idea  of the  thoughts    wishing    washing  round and  round my head   never  stopping    whirling   round   going   over the  past and  worrying about  the  future  !!

MY oasis   in life  is    a charity  were people  read  together  in groups   and i attend    regularly   called  THE READER ORGANISATION  which with  out    i doubt   would  be   here  today  I go  into a  reading   group and the    incessent thoughts  sem to   vanish !!!

I  also  do  bits  of  regular    volunteer   work for them  reading  each week to an  elderly lady and helping   at   various   events   such as  fairs    taking  tickets  for  show  u get the picture  i do  not laze about   watching a  certain prog  on Itv  every  day whose   name   escapes me

I  think someone  could  see into  my brian and head  and be   for  one  day  they would  be  gobsmacked   at how i  cope   but  the  things  i do  are   not   good  enough for   this   so  called    government  as  they want me   off   benifit   and into  a paid  job   well  as my dad    no-one  would  have me   as  i  come   absolutely exhausted  talking to people    for long  periods of  time and     my head   would  be come   incessently  worse  til  end   up in the    local hospital

I can understand  that  some  people   are   out to  get   wot they  can  from the   system   i am not   one of  them and neither   are  countless  others   i regularly   attend   interviews  at  the   job  centre  were  they send me  letters  saying if  not   answer  the phone  or  attend   my money will  be   stopped !!!  to give   someone  a  letter  like this    when suffering  from asperpergers  ocd   ptsd  and probably  other   disorders   which can’t  remember is    diabolical  surely  in this  day and   age    they    could   ensure    that  people  who   suffer this   type  of    illness   do not  get   such letters !!

Lately the  media   show people  on benefit  who  seem to  be  enjoying life   yer   I go   to things  i enjoy and  to the  outsider  it looks fine   but  can  u imagine   having the  same thought   going  round    to give u an  idea  what it  is  like   for  at least the  next hour   keep   saying  ” let’s have  salami for   tea  and  let me  know  how u feel at  the  end I  can u tell   u know    exhausted  !!!     deep  breath   and carry on

#diabeticmishaps #aspie #ptsd #ocd #thoughts

I  have  been diabetic over  half my life so u would think would be used to  it and its  tribulations    but  hey  guess   what  everytime  I TAKE   my blood   i am  somewhat   surprised   !!!  Havent  u got used  to   it  yer i  have  but    my other   health   problems   take precedence ! (   and the  love of  !!!)

my brian    overtakes   my bllod  sugar  regime   regulary  so  evan  when keep to  a  perfect diet  HA     the bllod  goes  round and   up and down  like a constant    merry   go round   combined  with    rollercoaster    mainly because  of   STRESS    also    combined  with     ocd   ptsd and  other   dilemellias    like  dypraxia      but  hey   thats  life   !!  and it  makes  it   interesting  if nothing  else

oh well  i will  run    two   diabetic    days   just  to   say    I   am taking   a  vague interest  away from my brain probs

Last    Saturday  I woke    up   bit    headachey  but    nought   out of the  Ordinary  i had  a  quick    breakfast   blood  was  reasonable at   7    but   thought  would  lie    down after   a  brief     breakfast and thought   would  lie   down  for   few mins   and  doze    well the   doze    went on and on and on  u get the  picture   I   kinda    of woke up briefly   and  felt  awful    so could not   move   and   by the   time  actually  got  up  and   ventured  out of  bed room the  football  results  were  in !!! my blood was  slightly low   but nothing  awful i   began  to be   attacked  by  thoughts of  ocd    aspie        take   ruminating   over  past mistakes    by  over people      and myself  of course     which  wont leave my brain so    it  was no   big  surprise   to see  that my blood  sugar  was  in  mid  20s    going to bed  not  because   of things   eaten   but  because of the   stress  of my  thoughts   which  wont leave  my brain !!! u  dont know    what  goes on behind  closed    doors   but neither   do u know   what is   in my brain ( thank god ))   this  actually  help  writing  it down    ( wonders of  wonders )

I slept ok although   was  worried   about    letter   got in post     about   benefit  that   really   dd not help   the next  evening   went to my mums  as   her   birthday on the    16th of this month (MONDAY GONE  )   so treated  parents   by staying the  night  ha   i watched   tv  and read  all  was  well   but  then realised  when took my evening   insulin  that  only   had  4 units   left in pen  i was  mad   but   not  fuming  mad  and just    decided   to come   back   early  the   next  day and   take  Half  of  evening   dose   but in morning  so  that  was the  plan felt  okish  in the  night  but    felt   yukity   in  am   which was not  surprising   so  took big  dose  of  the  quick  acting ins   to t  make up for  mixup  I was planning  on nipping home  when guess  what    i found  in my black  bag   an  extra  pen of insulin   which had not  found last night    (  elves   love  hiding stuff  )    quickly   took  the   insulin  half the  usual dose   and  was  away    celebrating  the  usual   birthday happening  like   present  opening  and    eating   / drinking

The   big  question  does    this    give   u a  headache    ha   now u know  what I  feel like   ha     big    breath and  carry on

#aspie #valentinesday #asexual

I can  safely   say never  bothered  with   valentines   day as  never  been   bothered  about it   as  a  teenager   i used to get  embarrassed    about  it    but  deep  down   was not  that    bothered  !!!   about anything  like that    not that i am a prude   but   but  just not   interested   i just  like to  have people  as   both  sexes   nothing  more  .

I have  never liked   human touch   Evan off parents   i t is only   recently    that   i have  come to the    conclusion   that i am  asexual     in other   words   don’t  give  a  damn  about sex or  relationships !!!

This  is   not to  say I don’t   fancy    someone  as  sometime go woooah he’s   nice   but   when  ever    got  close  to someone   who  I see as  a  friend and  nothing  more      I back   off as  soon  as   they   want any  kind of  physical    relationship

I am on the   whole   quite   happy being    me  but the   world    evolves   around  families    and   that  is what I will  never   have  but a day with   my  nieces   makes me  realize    i was  not  cut  out  for  motherhood

so been  looking   at  were   ST Valentines   came in to being and  the  history of   it   feel  free  to skip  this !!!!

I learnt with interest   that  Chaucer    reckoned   that  today was not just the  day that    us lot  get   together    but the   birds of  the  feathered   variety   get together   as well  i have not spotted  this  but   been  in bed  most of day  not well  so  that   maybe  why !!!!

today I have  also   learnt  that    February the  14 Th   is the   day we  celebrate   3  saints   day but   no i have no  idea  who  they  are  either  do  u !!

THE MOST  COMMON  story  is of a Roman priest  and  think a  Dr  person was beheaded on valentines  day  in A  in Mexico  it is  a  day of mourning  so  this  is  maybe  why  !!!

It was not until AD496 Gelasius   began to get   all romantic   mushiness    about   so now we know   who to blame   but maybe  something   to do with  stopping the  Roman feast of Lupercalia which   Christians   celebrated  on february   the 13 to 15th when   men   ran about  in  loincloths   and wolf  masks   hitting  people   with   goat skins !!!!  ummm  well   u can see   why the  pope  wanted   to stop  this !!!

I wonder    who else in the  world   celebrates   today   well  Thailand  obviously does   as  they invented   rose  scented   stamps  in 2002   but the   big  question  is how long does  the  smell last  compared    with the  real thing !!!!

Although  they are  not keen  in  Saudi  Arabia   as  in 2008  the  commission for the  promotion for  virtue  and prevention of  vice   banned   red roses   as they  wanted to  make a stand   a s  decided   that  roses   encouraged  affairs !!!! umm imagine   what the   flower  people    would   say if that  happened  here !!!!   as  46% of  roses   are  sent on  valentines    day although i am always   skeptical    about this   kind of  info  how the   hell do  they know !!!

the amount  spent is     39.57 for  men and   22 quid  and    64 pence for   women does  this mean  spent by the  woman/ or man  or  for  the  woman/ man    oh well   who cares    the  shops  will be  getting   rid of  the   cards  and other   drival  for the  next  big  marketing   deal  easter   just  glad  i dont waste my money  !!!  glad  to  be  me  ha

new outfit !!! when #aspie #dyspraxia #anything goes

i got   a  very  exciting   phone call  about  a do    !!!  that  have  been invited  to  in the  merry  month of  March    a cocktail   do   no less   in London !!!  so  not  really the   kind of   thing  i can wear   what i  would  really like to  leggings   or  jeans and  a plain jumper   but   that  really  was the least  of my  worries  !!!

I  went to  see an  old time  film at  at  local   church  anything   goes   was on   i  had only vaguely  heard of it  i sat  in between two  friends  i was  a bit miffed  as  someone   was going  round  encouraging  people   to eat  pop corn   why  when the   film was  about  to  start is   beyond me   as  the  noise   is  HORRIFIC   I told  Eva   that i disliked  the  noise !!!  and  was   pleased   to see  the   rest of   film she   got  her   her sweets  out  very  quietly !!!

I must  admit  not impressed with the  film which had  BING CROSBY  lovely  blue  eyes  but otherwise  not impressesed  with the  story line  but  we agreed we liked  the  dancing  I was  shocked  on a recent   visit  to liverpool that it  was on at the  empire   theater   but  had  be  updated !!!  well thats  a relief

I was on my  way home and  went to a posh boutique clothes shop  i am not the neatest  person  about  so always  tend to get  strange looks in posh places  so  imagine the  woman’s  surprise when i tried  a  dress on and it fitted perfectly  although  not  wanting to buy it   without mums  approval  left  saying   cheerfully ” be  back soon .

I went for a coffee   in shop  opposite  and wonders of wonders  had   my  mobile   which i HATE USING   but today  able to get in touch with parents  to come and  view the dress !!

I managed to keep  my temper   as  the shop  was  shut but told  us to  come back at  2.00 but no worries  could  go  back after    going  to bank  ( always  a  good  idea )  but imagine   the   distress  hen came  back  to find  the  shop  still  shut  with  other  people  also waiting i  strutted  up and  down  noisily    trying to  keep calm   I  was  just  about to leave   when she  drove   up   her   daughter   had   kept  her  waiting  (  family’s   who would  have them ) I tried  the  dress on and   my mum  agreed  it would  be  suitable !!

all this   sound pretty  unremarkable   but    i am  rather  peculiar  when comes  to  clothes as  i detest   things  touching my  skin  as   it  feels  like  torture  to my skin   com fort is   the  most important  thing to me  and like   most  females   my weight  varies   tremendously depending  on the   time of  the   month  and other   factors   like food  intolerance’s   like wheat  which makes my  skin bloated

I am not   sure  wether it is the   dypraxia or  aspergers   which makes   clothes  wearing  difficult  as   always  look hap hazard    even  when   got   the   fanciest  things  on !!

I have always   had  favoutite  clothes   which  i have  worn  time  and  time   again  til  holes   all over the place  in recent years  i have got   into an  awful  habit of  wanting  to bite   clothing when under stress which is  quite often  so end  up with lots  of  clothes  but   none  suitable to  walk about in

So u   can imagine  the  thrill  of   able to  find  a dress  which  is smart   and  also  comfortable  as   they   say “anything goes !!!!

losing stuff #aspergers #librarybooksorinsulin

I seem to spend a lot of   my life  hunting  for things that   are lost     could  be  something to  do  with being very   untidy and  a scatterbrain!!!  especially  when  stressed  out   which u m  my fave  ay have gathered   happens a lot

A  couple of posts  ago i was  very   unhappy  due to    new  cd player   not  working (does help  if u switch it  on !!!)

AFter   sorting   that   out  I was  in flat and  realized  no insulin  bag on me where was it   looked   round   but was no where    round  a bout that   time   i realized   i had lost  my  red  bag with  lips on  very   frustrating  as is  my fave  bag   as  can carry   fave  books   around   with me

You would have thought  it was more important to  carry and remember insulin but i adore    books  and if   mis lay  my  insulin just  go  ”  GOT  A SPARE  i WILL  SURVIVVE  (  LOVE GLORIA  GAYNOR)   I Decided   TO      retrace my steps  asking  people about my bag to   no avail   must admit   was not  very  calm at this   point   LIBRARIES   should  let u  take   bag in and out    when u feel like it and should  read  books  in my flat   first !!!

I must  admit was   more in a panic  about lost   library   book then  my insulin   i  dont like  telling them  I have lost    a book that  was not really mine in the   first place !!   and my  imagination  runs away with me !! “never  darken   our  door  again ”

I did   begin to panic  slighty  about  some one  may   pick up  my insulin and   stupidly  take  it  and  die   which  would  be their    fault  though lty   !!! may   feel a  smidgen   guilty  though!!

My flat   was  getting  messier and  messier as  tore  everywhere  apart  til   a thought   came  back in  my head   maybe    left   it on bus   and  been  handed  into   the  depot    YEY  just maybe

THe  weather  was  actually on my side as   was    icy and  snowy   u get the  picture !!! so  a friend   of mine  not able to  drive   over   for  a coffee   so off  went  in the  cold snow and  hail  to bus depot   were  after  much hunting  the man came   with  my loud  bag  with lips on  “Is this   it   ”  yes  with  library  book and insulin  s i could  have  issed  him but   never !!!   i went   on my  merry  way   claiming to  be  careful with   my things  although  must  admit    was  greatly   relieved  to  find   another  library  book  under  my bed after   accusing  my dad  of moving   books   abt   when came   to  fix light    that  went off  with a  huge   bang !!!!    ummmm  big  breath and  carry on

#aspergers #tellpeople

The other  day  called  round  at my parents house  No big deal  I do it alot!!  i was   wondering who the   hell was in the  building as   could  hear  baby type  of noises   ummm  be prepared  for  noise   YUKITY

I was  quite   surprised to  see  two children of  5 and   8   playing   relatively well  together apart  from  a few  squabbles !!! which we all do

I had heard  the  oldest  child may have   aspergers so was  watching him closely  at  first was thinking  NOWAY   but after a while  began to   notice    how he knew the   dates and  times  of all kind of things and would   contradict  if  wrong  info given out  also he  seemed to know alot  about poland and its    rivers ummm not something  u would  expect a  lad  of  8  living in liverpool  to know abt

I was   beginning to  get slightly  annoyed at the  amount  of time the   boys  were  here   for although the  dad  seemed to  be in no trouble  to leave  it amazes me  how when people  call and u s tart  making  the  evening meal  they make   no  movement  to go  home ward   oh well  takes all sort s

When  eventually  our  visitor  had left  i told  my mum  that   reckoned   Rubeon  had  aspergers  but she  said  “never   noticed  anything  “””  er  rivers  Poland  knew  the   dates of things   deffo !!!

I was  beginning to get  annoyed my  mu  is   a  saintly character and  I  am  all for  helping   people  out  but she is seemed   to be  oblivious  to my problems in life as  so busy  looking   after other  people   and their problems  hope u r  going   to say something to the family!!!

i WENT  on and on  abt  u should  tell people  as  you are  not  doing  the   child a ny favours and  what is so  bad   to be  aspergic  granted  it is  not  easy  but  can think of   worse   things  happening   to someone .

I was  amazed   awhile   after this  my mum   visited  REubeons  nan  where  she told  her of |MY suspisions  notice   it was me and  said  his  Nan was  very QUIET but as  said  to   my mum  u  have  planted the  seed   now  wait  for  it to grow !!!!!