not written for awhile but just been in another zone been looking after my youngest niece aged 6 well 7 in 8 days she says lets be 7 and my intrusive thoughts are chronic . last week for 2 a couple of days i was very hyper and bopping about yer u cld say hyperactive but it was better than thoughts in head !!!
I am still waiting for the forms to fill in to see if deffo got a form of adhd and after getting over the shock yer i reckon i do have it but not going to get involved with anything til 100% and more certain !!
I think it takes a lifetime to get to know who u are really niece in middle is 15 and works part time in a hotel and has had work experience in a school but ask her what she sees her self doing she has not a clue .
Most people have roles in life job family this is what defines them not them selves they are a mother of Joe and married to billy but i am myself as do not have these thing not that i am that bothered as in some ways i like to be just known for being me although voluntary stuff for the reader which i enjoy as kinda gives me a sort of role in life . i often think people who have the so called happy family live their lives through their children a neighbour of mine has ultra talented children and will tell you all the triumphs but i will say but thats them not you what have you been doing with your own life !!!! they are slightly lost at the mo as both children settled down south and its just hubby and wife !!
I often worry about people whose marriage means the partnership is so strong that they never do hardly anything apart they are like bookends but if one bookend goes think the whole book shelf will collapse so try to remember there is only one you so be it and be free to be yourself and become confident .
I think i started reading all from a very serious friend who sent me a text saying she felt she was not progressing in life and felt not as mature as other people , i was like so what be yourself what is mature , i think i am all sort of ages and act just how i want to perhaps their is advantages to having a load of labels attached to yourself you learn to be you and if people dont like it tough . I always hated going back to school and a teacher would say ” you are 8 now we dont behave like we did in year 2 when it was only 6 weeks ago in year two !!!!!
I keep meaning to dabble more in mindfulness but not getting very far tend to do it a t night as find it so difficult to switch off that when invictus comes and pays me a visit alot as can play about with the words what was that word ahh looms the shade , actually in a way hope got some form of adhd as it wld put the jigsaw totally together to get me normal so to speak actually don’t like that statement I find people who are kinda normal ultra serious and very little humour !!!
I always think shld listen to yr body it goes together with your mind if body is not well affects the mind and vice versa just given my self a load more insulin as had this sickness stomach ache and after drinking gallons of tea thought best check it out and yer high as kite think cos been in a strop for ages it affected my blood sugar .
I used to run for relatively long distance was happier doing my own thing then in an athletic club but again it was important to listen to body can never remember if you shld carry on running when got a pain or run through the pain barrier with experience think it was abit of both as was difficult to get back into a rhythm if stopped but then again in a park and running about for fun best to listen to my body and stop and walk for bit then run your self into the ground !!
I know it is cliché but life is a journey i am still putting the jigsaw together in my life always think it is a bit strange when you are 18 and become an adult as if you know all abt life i think you continue learning til pop off to where ever ! so important to be curious about yourself what makes you happy angry which tends to come from a need not met or in my case not being listened to . I suppose their is so many paths that you can travel makes life overwhelming especially everyone on the planet has same entrance and exit !!!!
who knows what will happen in the future fIor anyone i just hope they one day get totally the full picture why is my mind so mixed up !!!! ( who wants a boring life ) . I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul or is it the other way round ha who cares