I have a bizarre relationship with modern-day media and my various disorders so to speak such as adhd asd ptsd and not forgetting diabetic which loves to be shown on various tv progs normally mixing the total difference of high blood sugars ( hyperglycemia) and hypoglycemia ( cld be life killing if do it wrong)
Rainman I have mixed feeling abt people ask me if wld like to visit a casino (and if i believe that cats and dogs fall out of the sky when it is raining but the good things a bout these type of progs they get people talking about the conditions in an every day sort of way although it is annoying to find a character diagnosed with adhd and few months down this line the condition is not mentioned again either they get bored or just think that enough info for that unless they know something we dont abt miracle over night cures
people like to show tv progs wih asd adhd as quirky like Roy in roys rolls in corrie never really the difficulties and distress shown with these conditions ., so eccentric lovable but odd !!!!
last year the new craze everywhere was gadget toys wld not surprise me if they had such things at high powered meetings but that all they were for the majority of people a summer craze lasting a few weeks or months if lucky not a an assset to help people on the spectrums i wonder if office had other gadgets to play with like pip cleaners well the mind boggles !!!
I also wonder who invented the open plan classroom / office for someone like me it is pure pure hell hearing things from other domains that have nothing to do with me i would love to take someone woh does not understand my noise fetish to be taken to a heavy metal concert in an airport and made to listen to the racket with not being able to escape !!! ha evil streak right through me woah they wld understand sensory overload then !!!!
one of the wonders of ad hd is hyperfocus which is what alot of entrepreneurs have adhd and in some cases is considered hey ho a superpower it is when people on the adhd spectrum have a strong interest in a task with a high level of concentration maybe just obsessed with solutions to certain custom problems and dont stop til solutions are found so guess not all bad then mind turning to jelly
so toodle pip i am the master of my fate i am the captain of my soul
I have never coped well in the heat and it has been boiling hot in uk . I have always had strange sleeping habits as in dont seem to get to tired til just get ultra shattered and sleep for the world . I thought this was alot better when they gave me an antidepressant for intrusive thoughts as did not nothing really but something wonderful helped me sleep !!!
FOR nearly 2 weeks give or take a day or two i have been really grasping for breath and just wide awake and just getting by on a few hrs sleep last week i was at my mums just pure exhausted and despite going out for walks round the block to help me sleep realised was getting me no where and with dad playing bowls we decided to get taxi to local hosi were we went walk in centre and waited but when eventually seen sent to A and E as to do with breathing / heart and taking no chances after 2 x rays one did not show as much as my body as they wld like and discussions on ECG and racing heart beat sent home with an app at sudden chest pain clinic next week t heir is such an assortment of clinics these day but this obviously for people in sudden pain with no history of this before so luckily dad appeared as we had left message on door AT HOSI how to panic someone needlessly we were home and still more or less in same situation as before just want to go out and do massive rain dance and never moan about our wet summers again but no it was still as dry as a desert and although did not have any answers as such mum went on her merry holiday to Scotland her jaunt to escape the stresses and strains of life !!!! huff puff !!!
I would not say i am a hermit but dont mind my own company for some absurd reason thinking alot about crabs and how do they feel , aspergic people are often viewed as loners but they are just choosy about the company they keep and need to recharge own batteries alot !!
The crab called hermit
what is your name ?
hermit is my name i am happy hermit
where do you live ?
What are you ?
I am a cell who lives alone in a sea shell
are you happy ?????
I am inside the shell life is heaven but outside life is hell
do u have a message for the world ??????
errr yer my message to the world is farewell !!!
in other words who are we to judge !!
seems I am at long last moving on been looking half heartedly for nearly 2 years but within a week of a housing charity ( the brill white chapel) have found me a place ( still got everything crossed ) although have yet to give notice on place I am in now and have to get hold of deposit and the first months rent ( all money money new Abba film out tomorrow!!!!!!!
I often need more than a push as anxiety ocd asd etc etc etc takes hold was looking on the council waiting list but this is quicker when private and the housing agency will help me with practical matters and they are not worried about me on the sick and seems alot easier with no pets or kids
,I do not understand why have to pay 100 quid just to be on their books !!
I still love Invcitus and seems 100% weird that found this flat on the day Mandela would have been 100 today be sure out of the night that covers me black as pit from pole to pole I thank what ever GODS may be for my unconquerable soul ;;;;;;;;; I am the master of my fate i am the captain of my soul
I am shattered tired out fighting so many ailments ( get the violins OUT Nothing more
I have seen so many therapy people over the decades some brill some okish and some damn awful !!!!!
I am under a strong belief ocd started years ago with compulsion s to read everything under the sun in the right order appearing more or less as soon as cld read well before reception years !!!
A lot of what i do is habitual full of ritual that are plainly nonsensical one of them i always have to watch itv weather as it tells me the sun set sun up time s !!!!!!
I don’t reread thing s as other wise i would never be happy with it and prob just delete and never finish anything and once some thing is gone well u just can’t get it back I reckon if don’t give in to various compulsions will in the wrong run just make my ocd aspergers adhd ptsd what ever the label is just worse if i was a disney film i wld like to press a button and just basically start all over again!!!
I love to do everything in the right order so if had a colouring book wld start with picture 1 and colour right the way through I remember being in school wld get worse as counted how many days to bonfire fire night christmas half time at times i just w anted to meet up with some one every 120 hrs as that is how long
blood cells last in!!!!
I know this is all weird and is really odd /weird writing this down and quite bluntly although these rituals compulsions make me happy at the same time is driving myself and parents insane !!!!!!
I have LONG lists of things to do like read all of Shakespeare plays and then translate them all into scouse i tried to do this with paradise lost but only did a page OR TWO Translating into scouse and soon got fed up but one day may go back to it !!! ha !!! count to 100000000000000000000000000000 !!!!!!
you may have notice but punctuation does not bother me maybe because i know if read through things i will never be happy with any sentence and will keep on editing and changing things around and will never post anything as will never be satisfied although one day may reread proof read and check it all out !! ha !!
The one thing I want to be able to do is pictures and get the hang of tags and categories and understand the difference I think ocd effects nearly all projects along with aspergers and adhd and never seem to finish anything just restart another project no wonder I am so tired and often wonder how other people cope answers on a postcode checking stuff is fine like with spellcheck but often ocd is like a mental that does not see go away
I am the master of my fate i am the captain of my soul !!!!
THE WEATHER IS BOILING HOT AND MUST ADMIT JUST ABT COPING JUST SO RELIEVED THAT I DONT WORK AS IN A PROPER JOB AS BECOMING REALLY LETHARGIC AND FROM A YOUNG AGE HAVE NOT LIKED BEING DRESSED I TO MANY CLOTHES IN A VERY SKIMPY MANNER AS JUST SIMPLY HATE THINGS OF ANY SORT TOUCHING MY SKIN WHEN AT THE MOST OF TIME BUT ESPECIALLY IN THE HEAT !!!! DUE TO BEING ASPIE I VERY RARELY WATCH JEW AS YET AGAIN FEEL IT AGAINST MY SKIN AND IF NOT ALREADY TYPING IN CAPITALS WLD DO AS SO ANNOYING AND IRRATING ( RANT OVER !!!!!!! )
AGES AGO I TOLD U ABT DAD AND PROBLEMS WITH HIS WATERWORKS WELL HE IS STILL WAITING AND ALTHOUGH NOT IN PAIN AS SUCH IT CANT BE HEALTHY TO HAVE A CATHETER SO LONG ON I HAVE HEARD U HAVE TO TEACH YOURSELF AGAIN TO WEE!!!!! ANYHOW WAS NOT DOING TO BADLY ALTHOUGH THEIR IS A STRONG OLD PEOPLE SMELL LINGERING ABT WHICH HAVE NOT TOLD HIM ABT ( NOT TOTALLY HEARTLESS ) AND DAD IS WORRYING THAT THE CALL TO COME IN WILL BE WHEN THE FOOTIE STARTS AGAIN !!!!
SO ALL seems well really enjoying the world cup footie wise and really enjoyed the excitement of spain v russia and then again penalties with Denmark v Croatia and even mum got excited and cos had spain in the sweep came to watch them go out !!!!!!! aahhh the drama and also do like the different countries coming together to see how many footballs can go into the net ( well thats its basically ) !!!!!
Tried to get touch with dad but no can do seemed his mobile on blink but just before going to Shakespeare reading grp got call to say he was home with antibiotics
as had real bad water infection and honestly was not worth all that hassle and worry as not long after coming home and resting pm he was out playing bowls !!!!!! sure the NHS wld have something to say on that but he did not want to let his team down huH !!!! or he just wanted to play the hero !!!
I was glad he was well leaving , me to concentrate on changing my few old tenners found in flat so easy peasy got more money in pocket not kidding it was hot and finding a cool place to read in LIBRARY was not easy we tried the garden and it did not have enough shade and also it meant taking carrying chairs tea coffee and other refreshments through the library and then after calls of just to hot came back in the main windows cant be opened as the windows are on the main on the roof so try again we went out in to the lobby were it was a shade cooler although not sure if the security liked us reading out loud when they just wanted some peace or i decided we best put it all on hold when realised reception class milling about and we were on the last act of Othello not actually full of joy more of stabbings suffocating and yells of strumpet and whore best just relax in the lobby til the 5/6 yr old had passed by none the wiser what we where reading !!!
I must admit found all this shattering and myself with various family health housing worries decided to call next week a tea party day and have a rest til the cooler weather came along yep might as well as wait til september
home exhausted but all well at least til bedtime were just found it to difficult to breathe and this went out til 1 in the with head out of window just to damn hot !!!!! might as well rain til september !!!
Just lately the world and its mother has being using the word meltdown more and more when all that has happened is life has got slightly on top of people !!
meltdown is what autistic people have when life is so frustrating anger erupts so strong and just generally confusion totally reigns so all you can do is meltdown which is more will totally lash out become totally uncooperative and lose all sense of control
I was allegedly a very quiet baby who had to be woken up ( very quiet babies are a worry really as babies are supposed to cry) but then as a toddler became the devil child and would scream and throw self on floor just cos someone called me a good little girl screaming ” NO I am a bad girl actually have no explanation for me doing this !!! ( does appear a little strange .
I actually as child I had very few meltdowns as was happy with my books and reading although was an elective mute in school i was relatively happy in my own little world just basically did not want to communicate with people
Things became more difficult as left school and people wanted me to go out to clubs etc what teenagers do but i was happy in my own world just reading the lesson being if your child wants to be alone let them be .
MY meltdowns have become worse over the years as events took hold and due to abusive events as a young teenager led me to develop true blown ptsd which has led to the meltdowns to be alot more frequent due to flashbacks !!! ( I do know what hell is like cos I live their )when i have a meltdown these days is I scream and yell continuously and wreck everything around my teeth clench and i feel the need to bite things anything !! hell and x10000000000 that’s how I feel and have lost various teeth because of the clenching so you can see how upset i feel when people keep saying they are having a meltdown ( get a grip )
It is always best to try and stop the meltdown before it begins i rarely have a break down with my various reading grps as they tend to ask listen to what i have to say I actually do know what is best for me others may think they do but they actually do ! Once a meltdown begins it is best if about to let it continue because like a pressure cooker hissing dont get to close !! as just generally just to full of emotions to listen to any advice !!
oh well tomorrow is another day and people on the whole try and understand me !!! HA try being the operative word !!
and never forget I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul