I sometimes feel over come by anger that i feel can not continue living sound over the top but true , some people just see the Louise which is boppy and happy others see the Louise who is easily irritated and others see the full blown anger of not being able to control my emotions .
I have always been a reader but more and more people say why dont u write it may calm u and whilst doing this article ( very posh ) i can see what people mean it is something calming about more so then reading although i am not going to give that up in a hurry !!!
people wonder why i am angry very few people know the real me who had their life ripped apart by a sexual attack who is also aspergic and diabetic so no wonder i am angry and crazy especially when u tell the truth to people and they dont believe you !!!
I am so jealous of people who go on tv and seem to forgive what ever has been done to them and broadcasts the fact but something in my head wont let me do that as various thoughts go round and round , i last year diagnosed my self with ptsd and maybe next month i will be get a phone call where to go next ( the powers that be lost my referral )
Anger comes from fear so people say , and in a way i can see why people think that as i never know do i not like people touching me cause aspergic and never really liked touch or is it the deep breaths abuse .
people also say love will overcome and before listening to songs of praise and the football anthem abide with me came on and i did kind of feel that someone was looking after me (i am not religious although used to go to church like to sing ) for those few moments of calm, able to carry on , well this writing thing must be working no longer thinking of ringing th Samaritans for a chat !!!! ummm
Ages since i have written anything which i should do more of as find it calms me down but hearing it was punctuation day and knowing how bad i am at it as literally can not be bothered here i am writing again
i am still waiting for help with my ptsd and the thoughts whirling round and round which will not go away driving me crackers which it was nealy a year ago i remember being referred in mid October as i remember it was the day after my mum broke her leg so i am right in it being nearly a year , i have reminded my DR on various occasions but so far to no avail but u never know tomorrow their maybre something in the post just like one day their will be world peace !!!
I had other worries on my head today like where was my blood testing strips i was planning on telling them i had lost them and it would be cheaper for me to have them then end up in hosi but hey presto i wonders and wonders their they were so can test my blood yippeee the relief honestly !!!!
hug sigh !!! groan !!! banging head against wall not literally you will be glad to hear but I have been getting more and more fed up waiting for help with PTSD constant chatter well its more than that more like yelling in head with thoughts going round and round think u have heard this before !!!
I decided to call back at my GP and tell them that still not heard anything about the holy grail EMDR treatment and at times life is yer livable and other times feel lets go on the ferry across the Mersey and not for pleasure !!!
The GP practice runs a shared thing so unless fussy can see anyone so i did only to be told their was no evidence of me being their roughly a month ago so once again the usual story of my word against theirs !!!!
The dr proceeded to write my concerns on a tiny piece of paper i had to stop myself from saying “don’t lose that ” but i faithfully handed it in desk people on leaving and waited to see what would happen
waiting is sometimes the hardest thing to do had they rung me and i had missed it or had i been put down as patient to be ignored thoughts running away with me but hey a few days later got a very apologetic phone call saying the providers of my emdr treatment were no longer running and they had done my referral again so HURRAY PARTY TIME (over reaction) so here i am playing the waiting game agin but what worries me what happens to the people who do not go back to the GP and ask what has happens to their refferal (worry worry ) hope fully light at end of tunnel should go and see if their is anything in post but not holding breath !!! huhhhh sigh
i have been extremely stressed out with the thought s whirling around and around which is driving me crazy my ptsd which go round and round the loop and i cant stop them “WHY DID u not listen etc can u imagine the same thought going round and round , try thinking have fish fingers for tea and repeat a million times and that how i feel !!!
I am always looking for ways to calm down and thought today would give yoga ago at the local community place it does help as it is free so nothing to lose !!
I tried this yeons ago and although balance not good doing the tree with dyspraxia is not good but it was good fum both before and today .
I felt bit panicky as had no idea where to get mats out and where to put them and we had to be filmed to try and pretend we are enjoying this but i must admit i did , i think because no-one says thats wrong all a lot of the time i know i am not in the right place but does it really matter , i had a few of these rambling thought but nothing compared t how i was before i left the house and actually put my name down for next week although kept thinking should i come back or not . So yes it is calming but it is something i will have to do regularly to get the full benefit .
I felt the whirly thoughts come back not long after after arriving home so came on the computer and did daft games and decided to try meditation which is another thing which may help but saying this will help is completely different than doing it !!! oh well best foot forward as the person doing the meditation said just start again when mind wanders off every failure is a positive !! really
I had booked to have my hair done at the local college mainly because it is cheap and on the whole cheerful , although the girl today was lets say a touch on the quiet side although I am aspergic . i would say i am relatively chatty but must admit this at times was off puting i tried to think she was concentrating !!
I mut admit i prefer people to chat a bit as it stops this ro continual chatter inside my head it can go on for hrs and is very difficult to stop it so with the hairdresser being quiet the awful chatter continued if u have ever been with someone who doesn’t shut up u know wot this is like only this is continual 2166258o6327843877823 and yer does not make much sense
It is ptsd with intruisve thoughts about things that have happened to trigger off the trauma such as what t is mainly is my parents never understood my need to be alone due to aspergers and so were always asking people to stay longer and this included a friend who was encouraged to stay longer and longer til eventually to cut along story short i felt something snap in my head and have never been the same since oh well at least got my hair co loured red although i am bluenose !!!!
ahh went to bed bloods slightly low at 4 but had a few munchies slept okish after mind going over and over things i tried abit of tapping thing and must have worked as dropped off have no idea what time i woke grabbing for some chocs !!! i then slept til 9.30 ish flat in a bit of mess after going hysterical looking for mobile phone ahhhhh why do we need these things !!!! bang-bang throw everything all over the place then find it the relief ahhhh maybe they r ok after all do have slight uses very slight!!!
I was calm the whole time discussing books and papers and how they manipulate people really learn something new everyday !!!
my PTSD thoughts were beginning to go hysterical when i was saved my mum inviting me to dinner um ok although it is her and my family who r the cause mainly of the majority of mental distress !!!!! but that is another story !!
I was feeling calmer til mentioned my middle niece and her upcoming birthday and they are giving money this is something they always refuse to give me money have t o open something ahhhhhh doing head but suppose I am on a gadget and feel calmer ummm maybe not so bad after all and birthday is not til September any how so whats the point of going hysterical now ummm madness deep breaths tomorrow is another day
I have been going to hypnotherapy for roughly 7 years once a month in a posh part of Liverpool (there are some ) . I must admit it kept me going with all the problems of aspergers ocd in some sort of control as could get the things that upset out of my head .
I must admit the lady gave me t he sessions at reduced rates which i was grateful for til in the last few months realized that aspergers etc was not my only problem
I realised i have intrusive thoughts going on in my head mainly as a result of abuse as a kid which i did get over but seems to re-spark when i tell people i don’t want to do something a nd am completely ignored !!
I began to investigate this and came across PTSD which i thought hey no never been in army but then read further that it is brought on by any kind of trauma umm interesting i began doing ma doing more investigating and kept hearing bout emdr where u go through trauma doing doing something with eyes and decided this was for me !!! I feel it is time to move on as the hypnotherapy is not working and an desperate to get these thoughts out of head .
I plucked up courage to tell the therapist who took it really badly i must admit i may have come across a bit narked due to the stress but the end had come i felt so here i am out on a limb hope to whoever done the right thing only time will tell as i tried to explain sometimes u just have to move on who says people with aspergers don’t like change