I knew something was going to be different , don’t ask me how I could feel it right there in my stomach not a pain exactly , I could actually feel it in the air and kept hearing the word nursery and big school as I was a big girl now which was a lie as I considered my self quite small and my brother well he was 6 so yes he was big and old well at least to me he was
My mum kept on telling me how much fun I was going to have with all these children and make lots of friends why did people think I wanted friends , I had my own friends and stories with me all the time in my books and in my head with my own stories and adventures ,and I was always the conductor of my adventures ,and needed noone else to spoil things for me
I was not fussy about the clothes that I wore as long as they were not on my skin touching me so was not free and could actually feel the skin tightening unable to breathe !
So was not pleased when the night before these new clothes were put out I don’t remember seeing them before so knew instantly would be tight and well YUK ( with a capital )
I had my hair brushed and all my knots had to be taken out ,this made me wish to have all my hair cut off and have it short like a boys but I never told anyone my wishes so a wish kept to yourself does not come true , I suppose .
I felt extremely out of sorts going over the road to the house where the nice lady would take me to the place called school , umm this sounded ok but her son always scowled at me don’t touch my toys you are a girl his book and comics looked interesting but I was not allowed to touch anything but would gaze longingly listening to the chatter of my brother and his friend .
We were eventually on our way to school , I wasnt exactly dragging my feet and was happy enough just listening to other people’s chatter there seemed to lots of children on their way to this strange place , but they seemed to be skipping along the path , whilst I dragged my feet , but everyone thought of me as shy , not seeing any more than the basic quietness, the door opened and I wa thrust into a room of children laughing and talking what fun ! Mrs Howard exclaimed what fun but I thought of the chatter and the fun and just to hide away and wish myself invisible and so that is what I became right through my primary education thinking that if I did not speak no one would see me and I was more or less right !!