#benifitblues #hiidendisability #ptsd

I have been on so called  THE SICK   for  well over  a  decade if  u saw  me  u  would prob  think  pretty  outgoing   with people   she  feel comfortable with  but who  would have  any idea  of the  thoughts    wishing    washing  round and  round my head   never  stopping    whirling   round   going   over the  past and  worrying about  the  future  !!

MY oasis   in life  is    a charity  were people  read  together  in groups   and i attend    regularly   called  THE READER ORGANISATION  which with  out    i doubt   would  be   here  today  I go  into a  reading   group and the    incessent thoughts  sem to   vanish !!!

I  also  do  bits  of  regular    volunteer   work for them  reading  each week to an  elderly lady and helping   at   various   events   such as  fairs    taking  tickets  for  show  u get the picture  i do  not laze about   watching a  certain prog  on Itv  every  day whose   name   escapes me

I  think someone  could  see into  my brian and head  and be   for  one  day  they would  be  gobsmacked   at how i  cope   but  the  things  i do  are   not   good  enough for   this   so  called    government  as  they want me   off   benifit   and into  a paid  job   well  as my dad    no-one  would  have me   as  i  come   absolutely exhausted  talking to people    for long  periods of  time and     my head   would  be come   incessently  worse  til  end   up in the    local hospital

I can understand  that  some  people   are   out to  get   wot they  can  from the   system   i am not   one of  them and neither   are  countless  others   i regularly   attend   interviews  at  the   job  centre  were  they send me  letters  saying if  not   answer  the phone  or  attend   my money will  be   stopped !!!  to give   someone  a  letter  like this    when suffering  from asperpergers  ocd   ptsd  and probably  other   disorders   which can’t  remember is    diabolical  surely  in this  day and   age    they    could   ensure    that  people  who   suffer this   type  of    illness   do not  get   such letters !!

Lately the  media   show people  on benefit  who  seem to  be  enjoying life   yer   I go   to things  i enjoy and  to the  outsider  it looks fine   but  can  u imagine   having the  same thought   going  round    to give u an  idea  what it  is  like   for  at least the  next hour   keep   saying  ” let’s have  salami for   tea  and  let me  know  how u feel at  the  end I  can u tell   u know    exhausted  !!!     deep  breath   and carry on


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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