Invictus week 2 #ptsd

ahhh  things   not to good   and  although  reciting   Invictus    does   help   the words  will not  enter  my brain  when very stressed ,   been told   unless  brain   busy or  relaxed  the  ptsd  will  strike    were  i clench my teeth  leading to most  of them being   destroyed  ,   no point  going to  dentist as  mum  suggests    as    cant stop   clenching  the  damn things  !!!

Saying this   i was  okish  reading   ant and  cleo   in  Shakespeare  this   pm i   am not  a buff as only  got gcse but enjoy  the stories and   enjoy the   company of the  others   who   accept  people   for  who they   r  very   important    when got  a mental  illness !!

So all  though  have  back  tracked   to  just  repeating the  last two  lines  I  am the master of  my fate , I am the  captain of my soul, feel  bit  like  1,0000   steps   back and  1   step    forward  if lucky  although one can  dream of   waking  up and   my brain is  just calm and  collected  and  can  walk   down the  street  without   unimaginable   swear    word s   entering  my brain    not   kidding   living  nightmare  .

Feel  alot more   stressed  as    my birthday coming   up and  dont   really want  to  celebrate being here  , i  know  that  sounds    awful  but  never  get  what supposed  to be   celebrating  be  here , this   must  sound   awful  if  got some   deathly disease   but  be  in my   head   for a  day and  have  had  this for   at least for   15   years  !!!!  woe  woe   woe    actually  feel   bit better  now   writing   this  out  maybe    one  day out  of the  dark  that  covers me   black as  night   from  pole to pole  think thats  right  who  oh well   cold feet   back on tonight    hope wont be   disappointed


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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