simple things

I reckon was  born  panicking  and worrying  it’s what i do best although the  majority of  times able to  hide my  concerns ,  i   must admit to being a newsaholic  i just love to know what is   going in the world  and  bizarrely always love watching the local news on itv for the simple reason  tells me the  sun setting  rising and the  moon times  etc  , i have no   idea it is the small  things    but can feel the irritation   rise in me  if watching  news on  other channel  yer its  the small  things  that  keep me going.

I  have often been told  i come over  as   very confident  but   those people  have not seen me  when  out of my depth  when the panic   can set in, just by ordering  a   sandwich in the   likes of    subway other   eating  establishments are  available .

Before  being taken ill  the other week mum and i went to  see girl on the train both us had read the book and  liked   it  although not rocketscience  , i always have to be  at places   before  time  even if means  sitting in coffee  shop  for an hour i  Know i am in new  Brighton   waiitng for  film to  start  so when mum  wanted  dilly  dally round  the shops    window shopping with a  yellNOOOOOOOO   need to get   their so  know  i AM THEIR so off  we  zoomed  to arrive   plenty  of time  and siting  in coffee shop with time to spare !!!!!   ha   told  u its  the small things

The film was fine   with  just one  sweet  eater (small things)  to someone   with aspergers   a noise in the wrong place  can be  really distressing man was  messing   sweets   and  was  starting me  off in glairy mood   she  said loudly  HE has   nearly finished  his   sweets  and glared   and silence    pursued  .

Came out  and  saw our bus    go  down the prom   no worries  i was   quite  happy  as mum   suggested go to  subway !!!

I often dont like going  to these kind of places    especially  if  a q  and tend to  order same thing  sub of day  but mum  was suggesting  other  things  and    was   to nervous  to ask   about the  various   deals  avaliable and mum  was going  that  looks  like  different  but dont  like different like same  so got my  different thing    panicking   as   asking  what bread  liked  errrr that one  i think and  the  nightmare  continued   what  do u want  with it  no OLVIES  yer that’s  ok  but had  forgotten  dont like  spicy things   such a nightmare  why  can’t  it   just be  ham and  cheese . after  getting  the sub i   took a bit  to realise   it was  full of spicy    stuff i was   so pleased   remembering no olives   and  forgotten to say  NO peppers    errrr next time   will there  be a next  time !!!

I then watched  a very confident  man  come in and seemed  to have   no trouble  asking for  his  sub   and seemed  to   even be making  his own   version of what ever   up  something  i would   never dream of doing takes me  all  my time  to go and  ask for   extra  milk i often wonder  why  i don’t  have  confidence  to ask  for  something different  and  what  it  must be like  to walk with a swagger  and be   I am me  OK  , i cld  imagine  this  persons  job   prob  a high  flyer looking as   work clothes  etc  , i play   this game  alot  bit   like the   girl  on the  train  KINDA   watching people  and  making up  stories   for them   Not a  stalker  honest   , a   mind person once said   when getting  distressed  look around  you and  make some   kind of  story .

MR   confident   sat on  and  then it happened    he bit  into the sub  had to smirk  as  the sauce  slipped   down his mouth onto shirt and  to beat  it all  when  got to leave   had mickey mouse socks  on   nought  wrong  with that   but yer Mr  confident   was human  and  we all have   our slip ups  I was   actually  brimming over with confidence  as  this   was one of   the few  times  had eaten a subway  without my mum  going  its  all down  you lou

never forget   I am  the master  of my fate  I  am the captain of my soul  even for the  most confident of us   just have to control  the small things


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in aspergers, film, hidden diability, invictus, mental health, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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