I reckon was born panicking and worrying it’s what i do best although the majority of times able to hide my concerns , i must admit to being a newsaholic i just love to know what is going in the world and bizarrely always love watching the local news on itv for the simple reason tells me the sun setting rising and the moon times etc , i have no idea it is the small things but can feel the irritation rise in me if watching news on other channel yer its the small things that keep me going.
I have often been told i come over as very confident but those people have not seen me when out of my depth when the panic can set in, just by ordering a sandwich in the likes of subway other eating establishments are available .
Before being taken ill the other week mum and i went to see girl on the train both us had read the book and liked it although not rocketscience , i always have to be at places before time even if means sitting in coffee shop for an hour i Know i am in new Brighton waiitng for film to start so when mum wanted dilly dally round the shops window shopping with a yellNOOOOOOOO need to get their so know i AM THEIR so off we zoomed to arrive plenty of time and siting in coffee shop with time to spare !!!!! ha told u its the small things
The film was fine with just one sweet eater (small things) to someone with aspergers a noise in the wrong place can be really distressing man was messing sweets and was starting me off in glairy mood she said loudly HE has nearly finished his sweets and glared and silence pursued .
Came out and saw our bus go down the prom no worries i was quite happy as mum suggested go to subway !!!
I often dont like going to these kind of places especially if a q and tend to order same thing sub of day but mum was suggesting other things and was to nervous to ask about the various deals avaliable and mum was going that looks like different but dont like different like same so got my different thing panicking as asking what bread liked errrr that one i think and the nightmare continued what do u want with it no OLVIES yer that’s ok but had forgotten dont like spicy things such a nightmare why can’t it just be ham and cheese . after getting the sub i took a bit to realise it was full of spicy stuff i was so pleased remembering no olives and forgotten to say NO peppers errrr next time will there be a next time !!!
I then watched a very confident man come in and seemed to have no trouble asking for his sub and seemed to even be making his own version of what ever up something i would never dream of doing takes me all my time to go and ask for extra milk i often wonder why i don’t have confidence to ask for something different and what it must be like to walk with a swagger and be I am me OK , i cld imagine this persons job prob a high flyer looking as work clothes etc , i play this game alot bit like the girl on the train KINDA watching people and making up stories for them Not a stalker honest , a mind person once said when getting distressed look around you and make some kind of story .
MR confident sat on and then it happened he bit into the sub had to smirk as the sauce slipped down his mouth onto shirt and to beat it all when got to leave had mickey mouse socks on nought wrong with that but yer Mr confident was human and we all have our slip ups I was actually brimming over with confidence as this was one of the few times had eaten a subway without my mum going its all down you lou
never forget I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul even for the most confident of us just have to control the small things