ahh wot a weekend invictus

hummbug    humbug  well  its   December  the   1st on thursday and   dont feel  at  all christmassy  just keep thinking   will start  tomorrow !!!!

I had  booked ages to go  and see when  we  are  married   by Priestly  yeons   ago   that  long ago   i was  able to get   front   row   seats  yey    and i have  seen  Northern  broadsides  countless  times and always  brill   so  u   can imagine   what i was like dsbnz\mn and other   unreadable   sounds   came out of mouth as  found  out  my  nieieces   were  coming  to stay   next weekend  as  not  only  was it   black friday  last week but other things going on  like  sister in laws birthday  , dont  get me wrong    , i dont  mind  them coming it was just  that  my parents   thought   it better   not to tell me    as per usual   let me  know last  minute    when   the saying  is pre warned   is  prearmed  or something  like that    .  I f i had known  about it  for  the  month  i could  calmy make other  arrange ments   .  deep breaths  and I am the  master  of my fate  ,  and  of  course   beyound this  place of wrath and tears   lies    the horror of the  shade still  finding   it  difficult     remembering    the word   beyound     which  is surprising  as  it   give  so  much hope  that one day this   will be over !!!

I have  lost  count  of the  number of times  that i have missed  shows  / plays   you name it  because of  illness or  the person   going  with decided  to   do something  else  but      it  was  another   friends   birthday   so  she  jumped at  the  chance of  a   free  theatre   trip  well would  not u  !!!!

I   was really  pleased  to see   The playhouse  on tv   thursday  am   talking about people  who eat   in  theatre and how off  putting  it  is  to the  audience  and  also  the  actors  who have  put so  much effort    into learning  lines as  someone   with aspergers    my  ears  react to  noises   that is   in the  wrong  place  as  i am totally involved  in what  watching   but  every   sweet   rustle  is like a  bomb    going off and  just    can’t seem to  switch the  noise  off  so please   think  before   u eat do  u  really  need  to eat this  now     why  not wait an hour  and gorge  in the interval and yes   also  no need  to have a chat  whilst   the  production   is on   what  u are   buying in asda    ( other  supermarkets   are  available )  !!!!  til  it finishes      ha ha  rant over !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all  well   til   yesterday  morning   when  kept  saying  to mum   can u get  the  tickets  for me  ummm    asked   again  and again before   getting  frazzled  and   said   or shouted    “I need  the  tickets   it  came clear she   had  put them in a  safe place  so   safe   that   they could   not be  found

ssanmzc  (  put   your own  words in  )  and  said  wld leave  NOW  and stormed off  bit  of my brain    kept   saying  keep calm  and  of   course  after   stomping  to bus top     thought  of Invictus   and opening  line   OUT of   Night  that covers  me  ,   umm  surely they will let me  but  hey ho theatre  not  open til just before  show     aahhhhh ptsd  was   taking hold  and  when takes  hold  it  has  such a grip  on me , even when my dad  rang  me to say  found tickets in the  safe place  and  bringing  them over  ptsd  was  revelling  in my distress   as i stomped  round   ” not coming out  again   stay  in  stay in   stay   in  ahhhhhh

felt slightly better  after  having a cake  well  half  price  one always  tastes  better   went to lou  to give  insulin  ahahhhhh  were  was  my little bag with  insulin noooooooo cant  eat without   ahhhhhh its at home  but  invictus on mu side  I am the   captain  of my soul  the other  day had decided  to keep  spare  pen and  needle  in  side pocket so all well  on   the eastern   front   really all fronts  !!!

well on with the  show  loved   it  the  audience    was great  No   sweet   rustling  and   bits of humour  thrown in  with  lively people  so my mood  disappeared  and came home  feeling   relatively calm   to play   with  EVA   6  year old  niece   although   listening to  her jokes     is not in the least   bit funny   but she  tries   and after  a   tiring  day to bed

I  am the master  of my fate   I am the  captain of  my soul all is  well although not  all still  staying at parents  due to  chest pains   and not  kidding  their   heating on full blast  just melting  ho  hum better   than being  cold     and  going  home   gave  Eva  an  advent   Calender    ready for   thursday      ho  ho  ho soon be christmas







About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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