Invictus 1 year on

well  a year  ago   i got  a  phone call   that kind  of   changed   my life    not in a big  way just changed   my view     on poetry  and how it  helps   people  cope with   life  !!!

so lets    start at the beginning    very good    place  start !!!!  b rrr  brr  ( that’s a phone  ha ) i answer it  (exciting  not )  but  it gets better   yey    its    Emily    from the  reader  org   asking  if   would   like to help  me out   with something   next year  in  london  reading  invictus

I was   just about to tell them    yer   dont    think will cause a problem i can be  a bit   funny      and STRESSSED out    if  leave my beloved  mersyside  but   if   I am asked   nicely  and  know      my decisions   are  accepted   with    aaaaarhhh please come  u will  enjoy it   ,  i am fine   think i   just need   to know   its me  in control   and dont   want others   to stear the    wheel for me    well  just   abt to say okey dokey when   ahhhh pulled  my   main  phone   landline   totally  out  of the  socket   ahhhhhh  sshsshhyghw(swear  swear     they  willl think  i am  cronically  upset   about being asked  and will   be all   round  the  office  that  I slammed  the phone   down  !!!!!!

I  thought  of  ringing  back on   mobile   but  said     was  full  this  was not looking good    so i ended   up  rushing to Birkenhead  were   i could  explain    NOT  PUT PHONE   DOWN  so   20 mins  roughly  i was  their   Ring   liverpool   not put  phone   and lou  says  yey  members  of staff  looking  with bemused    expressions  ”   well  u would nt slam  the  phone down   ummm    well i might  with words of  comfort  ringing  in ear   but not  taking  any notice   zoomed off  to  get a card  explaining self  as  off to the  readers  main office   for a volunteers   do   for christmas  ( not  really in mood ) but still needed   to explain  self  so  off  went and  great fun  with christmas  fun  and grub  and  all was  well  as   everything  was  understood  and not to worry  i hear that  alot   strange  thing   last night  thought  should   put   main phone on ledge and   if i had listened to   my  inner   thoughts   would  not be in a mess  oh well  deep  breaths  that  does  not help

ZOOOOOOm forward     few hrs  and   at home with  no  phone  i l look about flat    for   poetry book   to see  if  invictus   about    and their  it was  and began to  read it , i heard  of it  slightly in the   film Invictus and always   had   i don’t   know   why  a  connection  in some   absurd   way with Nelson  Mandela   not saying    gone  through  anything  like him   well  i found  Invictus  and began to read

out of  the  night  that  covers me and through  to  the end  aloud  the words   never hit   me really at  first  but  on maybe   the  second  go   , i had slowed  down slightly   whilst   i looked at  words   I am the  master of my fate     I am the   captain of my soul  it   was   as something  had hit me  in the   heart not in a nasty way but  paused and  went  yer  horrendously  nasty  things   happened in my life   which has left    with  unresolved   trauma  and ptsd  and on top  of being  aspergic and  brittle  diabetic   not easy   dont   want to  sound like  a soppy weepy film  but    u   do need   something  to cling on to  life  which is  easy to get hold  of   yer   i love   the last  two  lines      24 hrs   later   something  from   soul ( creepy )   was  telling me to learn   those   lines  cos  u  lou  are the master and  captain  of your life  >

A  year on from that phone call  invictus  is  still here  in my life and would   say  the  2 verses   and last bit  know  more or less   fully ,  yer   like to  my time  but  this  is for  me   and all   i can say  is thanks to introducing  me to this  great poem    not bad   for   some one   who  would  much  prefer  a  novel







About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in aspergers, invictus, mental health, poetry, ptsd, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s