Everything is getting on top of me and does not help when mum says “u are like this every christmas ” i think i would be able to cope it if maybe in 2017 i get help with the ptsd as it is that fares out of control with the same thoughts racing round like why why why constantly and i say more and more out loud , been saying every year for what seems a life time this time next year it will be better comes a point when u think well i said ” all will be better next year but am still in the same place give or take as last year and begin to think can’t keep saying next year all the time .
my ptsd is so chronic as the mo that even invictus is not making a showing as am to far gone with swear \jjsndmn,sjfhek like that shouting all over the place , i actually the fun side of christ mas with silly songs and even the christmas card is bit of fun mum claiming u cant say give all the people u don’t like naff cards ummm but u can !!!
i have gone a week nearly with no blood testing strips because mix up with chemist and then went to collect them tool prescription to flat without opening it only to find no blood testing strips yer i can survive but really have no idea what blood is so guess not a good idea especially when supposed to count carbs in every meal and give correct dose and not good mathematician best at times hey ho !!!
I am at the this precise moment 95 % calmer then was earlier in day but just have to think what if things do get better but you got off the planet just before the help came and people keep thinking on top of so-called waiting list so surely help will come in 2017 although does not help me crying going round shops and thinking if i was dead i would be in no more pain but when things going well i am happy and hey christmas comes once a year umm hang on ( god this is depressing , got a bit of a do at shared reading play grp and they are a laugh and no one will mind if my crisps a re the wrong flavour or sat on cake bringing it home on bus !!
tomorrow is another day umm wrong quote
I am the master of my fate I am the captain of the soul ( Quite like humbug sweets u know }