humbug invictus

Everything is getting on top of me and does   not help    when mum says    “u are like this every christmas  ” i  think i would be  able to cope it  if  maybe in 2017    i get help  with  the ptsd   as  it is that   fares    out of  control with  the same thoughts    racing  round    like  why  why why   constantly  and i say   more  and more  out loud  , been saying      every year for   what seems  a life  time   this  time  next  year it  will be better   comes  a point  when u think   well  i said   ” all will  be  better  next year   but am still in the  same place   give or take as  last year  and  begin  to think   can’t   keep  saying    next year  all the time   .

my ptsd   is  so  chronic  as the mo  that  even invictus   is not making a  showing as  am to  far gone  with swear   \jjsndmn,sjfhek like that   shouting all over the place  , i actually the  fun side  of  christ mas   with silly songs and  even the  christmas   card  is bit  of fun  mum  claiming   u cant     say  give  all the  people  u  don’t like  naff cards   ummm  but u can !!!

i have  gone  a week  nearly with no blood  testing  strips   because  mix up  with chemist  and then  went  to collect  them   tool prescription  to  flat  without opening it   only to   find  no  blood  testing  strips  yer   i can survive  but   really have  no idea    what blood  is   so  guess   not a good   idea  especially when  supposed  to count   carbs  in every meal   and give    correct   dose  and not good  mathematician  best at times  hey ho  !!!

I am at the    this  precise   moment  95 %  calmer  then was earlier in day  but just have to think  what  if things  do get  better   but    you    got off  the planet   just before  the  help came  and people  keep  thinking  on top  of so-called  waiting list so  surely help  will come in 2017     although  does  not help me  crying going  round shops  and thinking if  i was  dead  i would be  in no more pain  but  when things  going well  i am happy and   hey christmas   comes  once   a year    umm hang on   (   god  this    is  depressing   , got a  bit of  a do  at shared   reading play grp and  they  are  a laugh  and no one  will mind if   my crisps  a re  the    wrong flavour or      sat on cake  bringing it home  on bus     !!

tomorrow  is another  day   umm wrong    quote

I am the   master of  my fate    I  am the  captain  of the soul       ( Quite  like  humbug   sweets u know }


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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