NEWYEAR Invictus

hey  ho   not a  big fan of   new year   as  think   nothing  really changes   i know u can make  resolutions  etc like    give up  coffee  which  kinda   done   cos of health    reasons  but   my ptsd   is chronic  this   time of  year  as  can’t get    thoughts out of   head  and  am biting things  all the  time   apparently   when   your brain  is effected   by ptsd   u go  into  hyper arousal mode  this  is why    am   very  jumpy  when someone says hi   out of the blue  or   if something  goes   wrong i am hysterical .

I  don’t know  what the  new year old  neither  does  anyone  else in the  world  but     i felt    cannot  celebrate  new year  til this  thing    goes   although i  have    a   strong  feeling   that  this  year will improve  as   at long  last  over 2  years     at the   top  of the  NHS  waiting list for  emdr which help  with   reprocessing  the    bad memories  !!! keeping everything   crossed .

hey  ho off  i went to  liverpool  to look at the  sales  although   not  really in the mood  it  was   not the best time to go  obviously as  everyone  else   had the  same idea   so was  not exactly  quiet  and monster in my head  kept attacking me   i was  amused   when  i was  stopped   by some  yanks wanting  to  visit  Liverpool  cathedral    yer    their s   2  really  and  ones   paddys   wigwam     they looked  horrified  and   gave   them  directions  to find   both   cathedrals  and  was      amused , but like anything like  just like   mental  health    u just presume  that  people  know what it  is like   , just  as  i persume  everyone  knows   liverpool has two  cathedrals  as  so many catholics  live  here  and     if u   ever  come  to visit  does   look  like a   wigwam.

I was   cheered  up by the  above   encounter but not  for long  i will go back  to liverpool      when  is a  slightly  quieter  although   the  train tracks   from my  peninsula  over the  water   is being  revamped  (  not really mine  the  Wirral )  so reckon   going to  be  chaotic    but maybe   not  u just   do not know    I am the  captain of  my fate  and the   whatever of  my soul (  is   new  year  getting  forgetful )

Sadly my mood   got  generally worse  and so  could  not stand   members of  my family saying    happy   new year  so went  to bed  and  yer  heard   fireworks going off   but just had to  say  to self  maybe next   year  ,  things  will  get better  well basically just have  to   !!

oh yer  will really   have to  learn  or  relearn  how to  put  photos  on this  needs  brightening up  so yer   theirs  a new  year resolution ha

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in invictus, meltdown, poetry, ptsd, stress ptsd nhs, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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