ptsd wait and wait some more

I  probably  developed   ptsd but not  acutely  roughly at about  the  age of  13   after  being  assulted   but   kind had  it   hidden in bck of mind  til  reignited    decades    later  prob  because    people   really don’t   seem to understand the word NO    (   I have always  been  ok at    english and   kinda  of   understanding  , grammar   not to go but   i think it u  say No  well it means  what  it  says  !!!

I  was   diagnosed  with asppegers   ages ago but  i knew    that  ptsd  is  different from aspergers    although their is   similarities   as  far   a s i know  i   was born with aspergers   and  that   the  way it s it i have spent the last decade well  more   trying  to tell people  i have ptsd    as  well as aspergers   “” no  u don’t    YES I DO .

Roughly  2 years   ago  i got  people  to believe me mainly be cause   kept   going  back  and  describing  what  had happened   to me and  insisting  that  telling  the past is past and move  onto  the  bright  shiny  day is not  going to work  !!

I was put on the   waiting list  but i was not  told  that i  had to  refer   myself  so  was not til months  later i decided  to ask nothing  been done    no wonder   the place   i was supposed to  go  had done a flit   so  good  no- one realised

I  carried  on waiting   at times my health  was   further   then    the   rock bottom that  people   talk about   i self    harmed  and for  some  absurd   reason   felt the  need to  bite  I things  leaving my teeth   in terrible  state   still i waited  .  could make  a song up  but  no   been done  before

i   would  go back on various    occasion to   gp  but  nothing was  done  and told on the list   although once taken off  list by mistake  yey  they  did  put me  back on but at the bottom   so the  wait   continued   spot the  repetition   !!!

last   summer i got   referral   to    visit someone  yey  my day  has  arrived  but no it   was cbt    but  may  work on some  people  but not on  a  brain  that is  truly traumatized !! the  m an was lovely  but  no sorry   not  what i wanted !!!  (  do  u get in life  what u want  ))

I rang   up on various    occasion  asking  where   i was on the list    ” oh  their  is quite  alot in front  of u but u r on it    well that’s something .

The best christmas  present I had was    being told  i am second from top and  should    not be long   which is  super  duper  but    every  day  like a year   when got  ptsd   but last week   i was  due to meet  up  with so-called  therapist  helper  ,  I tried   not to  expect to  much  and interrogated  him ” do  u deal  with  trauma   emdr      oooh yes   will have  to see  what the problem is   first , so having   t elling  me about   various  forms of abuse  and  stuff  like   carcashes   he  said   yer   u have    various      traumatic    experiences  but   you don’t  have all the    symptoms of ptsd    mainly i dont have nightmares  but   i reckon   have something  worse  thoughts  of past traumatic  events  that bounce into head  at  any time of the day with no warning  ummmmm true i was told  to go home and think what  had been said and meet up in weeks  time to discuss  what  will  happen next  ummm  the  wait   had been sooooooooooooooooooo long  dont   say   i was  going to be   the  next devon loch  and fall at the last  hurdle   noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  well u will have to   wait and  see !!! ha

 

 

 

already  to meet  up a week later  !!!

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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