AFTER my first meeting with Rob who is supposed to be helping with ptsd with living in hope with Emdr i was extemely down, i am not really a person who would describe is really depressed more ANGRY and it hopeless saying tomorrow is another day forget about yesterday the same thoughts just flow round and round !
I am still quoting to myself bit and bobs of Invictus but my life is fast spinning out of control with problems with osephegeous and heart not mentioning my very angry brain !!!
I was really worried that he was not going to continue with this emdr therapy that i have been waiting for so long as i do not have all the symptoms of ptsd I have thought about this and my friend told me of her mum who was ill with pneumonia but did not have all the symptoms so went to see him with all guns blazing and my thoughts on what had happened that the abuse i had suffered as a kid and actually people very rarely listen to me and the word no !!!
The way i view is ptsd an how it was resparked making my life and unbelievable nightmare , as told ROB it is like being frightened of a toy and the toy is put back in a box and hidden away and then just because the box is found and reopened the nightmare reoccurs but this time a bit like Pandora’s box the nightmare can be put back in the box !!
I was so relieved that he agreed with me and told me had explained self very well but then told me could not see again but wait for it he could actually continue but just at a different place ahhhh the relief , i was then told to think back all my memories and the times i have said NO dont want to do that and not listened to !!!
I made my appointment for early pm as that fits me better as find it very difficult to sleep so obviously am not an early bird when i told my dad he went ballistic u should have asked for an early app to get it over and done with but i like to take my time and their goes my first item of saying i would rather do it this way and being totally ignored .
I have not forgotten Invictus although not really done the last verse and it is a year since he came in to life but always their just thinking first line OUT OF THE NIGHT that covers me , i w ill get out of this mess OH YES I WILL !!!