Invictus 1 year on exactly !!

wow  It   is now   a since  since   went to   the  southbank  to read   Invictus at the   time i was   strolling  around merseyside  remembering   just the last   two   lines

I am the master of  my fate   I am the  captain of soul   and got   continously  mixed up   with which   came  first  fate  or soul  a pyschologist who  had  been  helping  with the  chronic  ptsd   said   “play games  with the words   while   strolling  around noone is  going  to know   are they and  better   then  swearing !!!  true I  cld get   an A  star   plus   cant fine  the  picture   thing  for  a  star   (   keep calm ) !I

I dont  like going  away but   if it is my choice wether   to  travel or not , think thats  part of  the   being on ASD   spectrum   i   cant remember    being  bored  ever  !!!! honestly   and  were i live on the wrral it  has everything  here  , well  not  mountains   but   can live with out them   so have  no desire  to   go anywhere  but i have   been  to london   numerous times   with   a reading  charity the  reader  org   without  hopefully causing   to much hassle  !!  have lost    count of  number of people  saying  never want to go anywhere with u   agian   with so many rules  and regulations  (  I dont see   what the problem  if   someone  has  taken  time  and trouble  to  write  a guide  book about   how to   travel   around   the   york   minster then  u should    follow  it   not just wonder  about   I did   go hysterical but that is another  story   !!!

TRIP  to  london was fine and saying   Invictus  with a group  of  3 others   was fine  although did  keeo  thinking   the mike   has fallen  off head  |( again  another  story )  At the   back of my  mind kept  thinking ”  well  its   not   just the last    two  lines  that    should be done    perhaps  the whole lot so thats  were  it began  .

OUT of the   night   that  covers me (love that bit often say  just the   beginning of it makes me think   one day  this  nightmare i am in will end  !)

 

Black of the pit  from pole to pole  ( yer that s were  my life  is a lot   not even  a candle lit )

I  thank  what ever gods  maybe   for  my unconquerable  soul ( well  i am still  here   kind of   although do at times  well  more  often then  tha t  the  only way out  is  death  and then be free  but  the  help with  the ptsd  has   arrived   that  is another   story )

In the  fell  clutch if circumstance i have not   winced   my head is   bludgeoned   but   unbowed  (  never really liked this as  said   bit of  a sweraholic  used to self harm  alot  but as people   have  told  me  the  things that   have happened  have  been caused   by other  people  not you so  yer  suppose ok  !

beyond this place of wrath and tears  lies the horror of the  shade  were  finds and shall find me  unafraid ( often have difficulty   with  this  its the   beyond    word  ha   just can’t get   head   round it   but then invictus begins  to  flow   and actually bit of  fun with  the tongue twister  finds and shall  find  me unafraid  but makes me  stop and think  the  alternative  to life   (death )  is really  the last resort  and  yes   help  is  slowly arriving    be it  in a drip  drip  fashion

Ha   well  this  is the   bit  that  am  really  have  trouble  with  the   stright   gate  business   not  got   head round it yet   and  got in a bit of mess   but its my game   which   i will continue    and perhaps    by the    anniversary  number 2   will be   word-perfect   bet u thought    would be   word perfect   by now had enough  time  but   actually as psychologist in Liverpool  said playing  around with  the poem is really what is helping u

oh yer  I am the  master  of my fate     i am the  master of my soul and maybe   i will  become  word  perfect and  maybe not   as entirely  up to me but  will have fun   trying      now just   got to get through that perkisome   gate !!

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in invictus, mental health, poetry, ptsd, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Invictus 1 year on exactly !!

  1. Plucky and beautiful (even if the word is embarrassing). ❤

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