emdr 5 forward or back

well yesterday  was  the  day been waiting for    actually  starting  emdr   i was   slightly nerovus   but   not  to  much just niggling   thoughts  about  what  will happen amd   l;ast night i was   fiddling with   headphones  never  really liked  wearing them anyhow  spend most of the  time    taking them  in out of years   .

The  day started well  as  called   in for   my diabetic blood strips and  yey   they had given  me   2  bottles   this may not mean much to  most people but  i test   blood   4 times a day and  so  a bottle  with  50   test   strips   not going  to last long is it  !!!!  so things  were deffo looking up when   counter lady  put   2 fingers   up  ”  don’t be so rude putting 2 fingers   up  at   me  ” i laughed    ,  no u have   2 boxes   of bood testing strips  wow  this  is going tobe  my day

I  arrived  slighty  early for appointment so went for a coffee  this   is not good   but   felt needed  I vowed  after    osephoegous  probs  not to drink coffee but   back  on it  !!! bad  !

I  don’t have many vices   coffee  and books  when things    bit uncertain  or really  good   buy a coffee  or get  something  different to read .

hey ho  soon   i was   ready for business  and the  emdr  was to  begin after  a few  general   comments   abt week  yer still the same    but   got to  keep thinking   not starting this thing  yet  and   so will   hang on in their  i had  just  filled   in one of those   are u ahppy  things  well  the usual   r u irritated   er yer  do u sleep   well er no    do  u feel like  ending   er yer   but   i am the  master of  my fate  ( thought  would  throw  him in)  although have no idea    were  will  turn  if this does not  work !!   (  don’t say cross  that   bridge  when come to it )

I   got  headphones   out of  bag  and    Rob    luckily  helped me     untangle them  and  then was asked  about my various  traumatic    memories   strangely not the  abusive memories that  haunt me but the  things  like   parents  taking    friends  out for  the day   without asking  me    if wanted  to come  with me   (  my aspergers   makes me   only cope  with  so much  social   stuff  and then explode   Rob   reckons  alot of  my  ptsd    is  involved with noone   listening  when  i say the  word  No  !!!

SO  all  plugged  in  and   rob was  asking me to  describe   as much  detail  about  events     but not to  describe   to him what   was happening  but  to  view it  in my brain   noticing   the  details  in my    head  and   noticing effects  on my body   so  off we  went on the  journey  and just hope  i  do get over the  wall that  i have  banging  head   against   if u  get  over the  wall  just shows   how determined  u are   !!!!   yey  (  read that somewhere)

I was   stopped   at certain points to refocus  in the   room and to   describe  how i felt   a bit  sickly lot of stomach aches   not  sure   how long   did  this   but  all  i can say  is the app  lasted   45  mins   not that matters    ! ha

The  thing  that  matters is the  fact  able to walk  through town without   these   terrible    thoughts in head  and  it was  like winning  10 million  quid and  some  .>
I   dropped  into   a mental health charity  as  heard    they were    giving  talk soon on emdr and i want to know  what is going on in head  but  no leaflets  there  but no worries   can call in next week  which  will be  even better  as  the  next time that  way  will  be pancakes  yum

my mood   was  brill most of the  day  had i been cured  wow   i had been  happy for  majority  of the day  the  only  side effect i felt  was i was  shattered the lovely    tired   feeling  u get   when  climb a mountain not that i climb many mountains so  hey ho  off to bed  !!! although    do  remember   pride comes  before   fall and  remember    Rome not built in a day     !!!


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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