well yesterday was the day been waiting for actually starting emdr i was slightly nerovus but not to much just niggling thoughts about what will happen amd l;ast night i was fiddling with headphones never really liked wearing them anyhow spend most of the time taking them in out of years .
The day started well as called in for my diabetic blood strips and yey they had given me 2 bottles this may not mean much to most people but i test blood 4 times a day and so a bottle with 50 test strips not going to last long is it !!!! so things were deffo looking up when counter lady put 2 fingers up ” don’t be so rude putting 2 fingers up at me ” i laughed , no u have 2 boxes of bood testing strips wow this is going tobe my day
I arrived slighty early for appointment so went for a coffee this is not good but felt needed I vowed after osephoegous probs not to drink coffee but back on it !!! bad !
I don’t have many vices coffee and books when things bit uncertain or really good buy a coffee or get something different to read .
hey ho soon i was ready for business and the emdr was to begin after a few general comments abt week yer still the same but got to keep thinking not starting this thing yet and so will hang on in their i had just filled in one of those are u ahppy things well the usual r u irritated er yer do u sleep well er no do u feel like ending er yer but i am the master of my fate ( thought would throw him in) although have no idea were will turn if this does not work !! ( don’t say cross that bridge when come to it )
I got headphones out of bag and Rob luckily helped me untangle them and then was asked about my various traumatic memories strangely not the abusive memories that haunt me but the things like parents taking friends out for the day without asking me if wanted to come with me ( my aspergers makes me only cope with so much social stuff and then explode Rob reckons alot of my ptsd is involved with noone listening when i say the word No !!!
SO all plugged in and rob was asking me to describe as much detail about events but not to describe to him what was happening but to view it in my brain noticing the details in my head and noticing effects on my body so off we went on the journey and just hope i do get over the wall that i have banging head against if u get over the wall just shows how determined u are !!!! yey ( read that somewhere)
I was stopped at certain points to refocus in the room and to describe how i felt a bit sickly lot of stomach aches not sure how long did this but all i can say is the app lasted 45 mins not that matters ! ha
The thing that matters is the fact able to walk through town without these terrible thoughts in head and it was like winning 10 million quid and some .>
I dropped into a mental health charity as heard they were giving talk soon on emdr and i want to know what is going on in head but no leaflets there but no worries can call in next week which will be even better as the next time that way will be pancakes yum
my mood was brill most of the day had i been cured wow i had been happy for majority of the day the only side effect i felt was i was shattered the lovely tired feeling u get when climb a mountain not that i climb many mountains so hey ho off to bed !!! although do remember pride comes before fall and remember Rome not built in a day !!!