emdr( 6) ptsd

Been awhile  since  given update  on the  treatment getting  for trauma   (ptsd) all I can  say  at the time  of  writing (  which is now )  i feel    1oo %   better  than what  i have done  although  has not had   its   pit falls  and have jumped  the   gun slightly   with what  happened  after   my first  EMDR   session .

Yer  i felt   fantastic my head  felt  like it should be sort of  gone into  place but   was  not to convinced  this was it   i would    go  back  to what i  used to be like  before  PTSD  attacked  my brain  and  BOY   GIRl   whatever i was   right  I was so   happy going  to bed   it was such a relief     yey ho a  miracle   only  ffffffffffff  xxxxxxx it   was   to good   to last    actually  that more or less all i got    that night before the  ptsd and  the   terrible   distressing  thoughts  struck again   and that   is what i  was like    for the   rest of the week   actually more or  less  the same   as usual   biting  things    could not concentrate  and    actually thinking this   was  not going to work    the so-called  professionals were   right   because of my   aspergic  brian    this  was not   work   !!!!

I   talked  to myself and looked    online  and yer    a lot of people   do get this   shattered  feeling   like climbed the   highest   mountain in the world  but  actually not  left the  house   and  so it continued    and  on top of that  i got   that  stressed   about    my current   heart   problems  (  well may not be   a problem may not be  seen yet    could  not open  a bottle  of  water  so  did    extremely stupid thing  even by my standard  and  opened     bottle  with mouth and yer  u guessed  it my  tooth disintegrated  in my mouth  giving me more stress  , ptsd    does  effect the   brain   stating the  obvious but also the  body   were i  get this   urge   to put something in my  mouth and  clench teeth    leaving my teeth   in a  terrible   state     but i just say   no use   getting  my mouth  (teeth  fixed   as   til ptsd    vanishes  like a genie    i will have the  same problem   .

Any how    after the  tooth    cancellation which   led to my heart   thing being  cancelled     if on tv    u would  say  all to far fetched   i was back  in   square  one and the  ptsd   was back of week with  revenge !!!

I felt    if  this  does  not work   were  can i go  for help but  my mum   and various  friends     kept saying   well u were  well  for a   day which is better than  no days  and   maybe it will slowly improve  yer    keep on going    .

Have not forgotten  Invictus    he  is still  with me have always called  it a he    have no idea   why  perhaps  cos  i think of  Nelson  Mandela   when say  bit to myself

out of  the  night  that  covers me   black as the  pit from pole to pole    yer i am still in the   dark   pit  but  must  remember   I am the  captain  of my fate  i am the  master of my soul  not to sure   if get  those   lines   right  and   still getting   mixed  up  with  captain and master    but  does it  matter  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   as   I am in charge   no one   else   people    have  tole  me for  years   the   reason  u have  got  yourself   in such a  mess    is very few people   listen   yer  but  no more  ho say  !!!   ha  i  will  continue with the   emdr and  see   what happens !!!

well  at least  this   fall  into   being  severely  mentally   ill  as led  me into loads of adventure  and always better to be  a tigger  than EEYORE in life   ho hum !!!

 

 

 

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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