riding the swing of life emdr 7?

Been over  a  week   since had my last emdr   due to Rob   having   annual  leave   dont like those two words    feel  like  chalk on a cheeseboard   just  grating    when  did    people stop using the  word    having  a  holiday   or   just  not  here   next week   oh well   dont let the  small  things   grate  as they say

last  week after the   emdr   session i felt  awful and  just kept  thnking   ” am   i going to be     stuck with  these  thoughts  for   ever and  only being  free  for  an hr or so   or  handful of   time     if lucky   but hey  pateince  is   a   virtue   and to an  extent  today   has been a  happy day on this   path   called life  !!!

People  will say   that  is what   life  is a big challenge  but   some people  have  more  challenging lives  than  others , but today the little  things  were  not bothering me   i went   with my mum to singing  cafe and  although  the bus   driver   went the  wrong   way  !!!!! honestly   was not  as  upset  as  what i normally  get   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (  i get  very upset  at times

I feel their  is a fight   going on in my head    between the   real me   my  aspergic  me and the ptsd    me   at the moment   the ptsd   is  finally   kind of  leaving  my head  be   it like a snail   but the  aspergic   side   is  having more of   ahold   as  a kid i rarely  spoke to people  unless own family  or  extremely close   friend   but   at times  lately   i have   been  petrified    of  asking  people  for  a cup of  tea   and today was   extremely nervous   about   going   to the  hatch ad  asking for   tea   not as  if they   are   going to  bite my head   off for thats how they   make their  money !!!

I am not asking for the moon or  a star or anything  i consider   to  be impossible  just to live life in the   middle   lane so to speak   have at  times  been  extremely hyper so  to speak and its  exhausting !!!  I realise   that   being  happy  all the  time  etc  would be  ridicoulous   and you would not appreciate   the   good   days  if all were good  i suppose  I shld be  just   grate ful  for the odd   few    hrs  of happiness   that i get   with  no ptsd    thoughts   but     am convicned    the majority   of people  get   blips   inl   life   it  seems   to be along  bbbbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop !!!!!!

I  wasd   playing snap   the other day with my   6   year old niece   and  was trying to  show   her that   to play    the   game  like an adult   u shld be   graceful in defeat  thats  what i  would  like to be like  when i have   a blip  this will  pass and  be  GRACEFUL

Up  in til  starting   the    emdr     vary rarely had a day which  was ordinary  and   was  at peace  which was   what i felt   when  gave the  Kitchen   a full  spring  clean

wow  It might   take  a while  but maybe   I  am on the   way out of  night  that covers  me  even  if just   a flicker  of light


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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