Been over a week since had my last emdr due to Rob having annual leave dont like those two words feel like chalk on a cheeseboard just grating when did people stop using the word having a holiday or just not here next week oh well dont let the small things grate as they say
last week after the emdr session i felt awful and just kept thnking ” am i going to be stuck with these thoughts for ever and only being free for an hr or so or handful of time if lucky but hey pateince is a virtue and to an extent today has been a happy day on this path called life !!!
People will say that is what life is a big challenge but some people have more challenging lives than others , but today the little things were not bothering me i went with my mum to singing cafe and although the bus driver went the wrong way !!!!! honestly was not as upset as what i normally get !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( i get very upset at times
I feel their is a fight going on in my head between the real me my aspergic me and the ptsd me at the moment the ptsd is finally kind of leaving my head be it like a snail but the aspergic side is having more of ahold as a kid i rarely spoke to people unless own family or extremely close friend but at times lately i have been petrified of asking people for a cup of tea and today was extremely nervous about going to the hatch ad asking for tea not as if they are going to bite my head off for thats how they make their money !!!
I am not asking for the moon or a star or anything i consider to be impossible just to live life in the middle lane so to speak have at times been extremely hyper so to speak and its exhausting !!! I realise that being happy all the time etc would be ridicoulous and you would not appreciate the good days if all were good i suppose I shld be just grate ful for the odd few hrs of happiness that i get with no ptsd thoughts but am convicned the majority of people get blips inl life it seems to be along bbbbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop !!!!!!
I wasd playing snap the other day with my 6 year old niece and was trying to show her that to play the game like an adult u shld be graceful in defeat thats what i would like to be like when i have a blip this will pass and be GRACEFUL
Up in til starting the emdr vary rarely had a day which was ordinary and was at peace which was what i felt when gave the Kitchen a full spring clean
wow It might take a while but maybe I am on the way out of night that covers me even if just a flicker of light