ummm totally fed up although still hope something can be done about my ummm well lets say out of ordinary brain !!!
I think i could cope fine if i was just aspergic or just ocd , dyspraxic but having ptsd and what been told could also be severe ocd is making think will not ever a day free of distressful thoughts not much to ask is it !!!
I mentioned how i was feeling to the emdr man and he reckons alot of my rethinking the same thing stems from ocd but I do have ptsd because of the various traumatic events in my life but my brain has developed a pattern of when ever there is a blank moment in my brain distressing thoughts m which loop around this is were Invictus crops up to help at the moment just an odd line “out of the night that covers me black as the pit from pole to pole ” at this moment in time i find this is the only line i need or should i say want as at the time of writing i am thinking i am stuck like this for life not kidding it is a total nightmare but that line of INVictus makes me think i have not officially been told nothing more can be done and yer only really had a handful of emdr sessions .
Although another dr who deals with trauma did warn me before hand that because of my autistic brain he really did think emdr would not work cos of the way my brain is wired but have been reading a lot on how to change the wiring of the brain and live in hope i can !!! nad if the wiring in a house does not work u dont demolish the whole house
I was asked when not in distress and if read in a grp better than reading alone as have to be very calm to read alone or doing something like facebook which means have to concentrate but not excessively.
I don’t remember a time when d id not read although a friends says i am very autistic the way i read have to read everything in the right order and dont like missing anything out but it keeps me going if nothing else as nothing beats the thrill of saying i have read this .
Countless people have told me to try and stop the loop but find if so difficult but suppose who would have thought that Leicester would have won the premier league last year just need to have some belief and that is what gives me hope