being in the moment

I am always being   told i  continually  play the  past  in my head  or   worrying about the  future  always discussing things  months  ahead  such as telling people  when  Easter is  on christmas  day .

I was   told by the Rob who does  emdr for ptsd  with me that my thoughts   are  like  become  stuck on  aloop  and i have to   try and  distract myself   with doing something  !!

This is more  difficult  than]u can imagine  sounds   easier to me   to  eat  a bath  load of baked  beans  not making  excuses   doubt many people  know what it  is  like having an  aspergic ptsd ocd depressed  anxious brain well    I can tell you it is  shattering  and    i have today   tried to think of the  times  today  when   i was  their  in the moment !!

 

Umm  need  a  cuppa  to refresh memory   ummm

Oh  yes i am a bit of a news  fiend  and   just love  knowing  what going  on   and   so watch   them discussing  the papers  on various  news channels  this  was  before  the main  announcement of the  day that in april  May has called   an election  for  june !!! and   being  somewhat  left wing  this  June is the   time to get may out   as u can see  I am political but   yer   that’s  when in the moment  !!! as u can see   get so wrapped   with politics   i am their  !!!! or is   it there    (  who cares )

In the morning  or  at night  i   say various  bits of invictus   today  got to the   2nd  verse and felt    quite calm   so stopped   at the  bit where  says  my  head is  bludgeoned  but unbowed yer   true   spent  most of yesterday  filling in benefit  forms  but i did  it  although it is  a disgrace  that  u have  to jump through  hoops  but perhaps  shld leave that  for another  day

REading as a whole  helps   although  no reading  grps  on til  fri that  i go to but someone  told  me it is very good   to read aloud  and   helps u  be in the moment  , i  pretend i am  on tv   reading the  story  so i  put  the  expressions in more   which i must  admit   helps me  and maybe others !!

I spent   the pm sorting out  clothes    books etc   I am hopeless  at doing  this   and  had  forgotten all my being  in the moment  sometimes  singing  to a cd   helps but not today but   getting  involved  such as looking at clothes  and thinking  chuck that   or put  in charity  bag  did  kind of   change the  loop in my head !!!

When I am  at peace with myself  it is such a rare   feeling  that  i prob  go a bit   eccastic  i would  love to  be able  to put a name  to this  feeling and  sure   could  make  a small  fortune  bottling   it  , i started  this   piece  about    20 mins   i don’t  plan it , u may  have gathered  and just write  what i feel someone  told  me  it  will help   just   thinking of the words   will  stop the loops in the head .

I dream  of a day  when i can   have  a  content  in the  moment   feeling all  day but  til then  got my writing  /reading  news   oh yer and  who  is going  to win  the  election !!! to keep  me  going  just hope   tomorrow or the  next  when i go off on one  to say it the  scouse   way i remember  the  calm feelings  and somehow   manage to get it back   for  i am the master of  my fate   i am the  captain of my soul  (  or  is it  the other  way round  ahhhh  who cares !!!  such is life

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in aspergers perscription, emdr, happy, invictus, mental health, ptsd, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to being in the moment

  1. drjanedavis says:

    I have found gardening really helps with being in the moment – very like reading aloud. If no garden, how about getting involved with community garden or allotment somewhere ? Or visiting parks and taking pictures of lovely things, which I find a sort of meditation plus collection of nice pics! Final thought, is there any way you could do more volunteer reading for us at The Reader?
    Do you find writing your blog helps? I lose myself completely when in the writing moment.

    • loubyjo says:

      yes agree the blog !! helps if i am calm enough to write otherwise be totally unreadable was told by a specialist writing really helps , not much of a gardener although have heard in Bebington they have days like litter picking etc which think may be good it is without doubt when doing something else more or less impossible to go in to ocd mode yer would like to do more with the reader but at the mo have so many appointments which have to put first i have seen things you such as community events giving books out which i have always thought be a good thing to get invoved with . I really enjoy the play reading grp but i like the people we all seem to get on and does not cause me to do to much prep before hand !!! we just have to see what the future holds

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