I am always being told i continually play the past in my head or worrying about the future always discussing things months ahead such as telling people when Easter is on christmas day .
I was told by the Rob who does emdr for ptsd with me that my thoughts are like become stuck on aloop and i have to try and distract myself with doing something !!
This is more difficult than]u can imagine sounds easier to me to eat a bath load of baked beans not making excuses doubt many people know what it is like having an aspergic ptsd ocd depressed anxious brain well I can tell you it is shattering and i have today tried to think of the times today when i was their in the moment !!
Umm need a cuppa to refresh memory ummm
Oh yes i am a bit of a news fiend and just love knowing what going on and so watch them discussing the papers on various news channels this was before the main announcement of the day that in april May has called an election for june !!! and being somewhat left wing this June is the time to get may out as u can see I am political but yer that’s when in the moment !!! as u can see get so wrapped with politics i am their !!!! or is it there ( who cares )
In the morning or at night i say various bits of invictus today got to the 2nd verse and felt quite calm so stopped at the bit where says my head is bludgeoned but unbowed yer true spent most of yesterday filling in benefit forms but i did it although it is a disgrace that u have to jump through hoops but perhaps shld leave that for another day
REading as a whole helps although no reading grps on til fri that i go to but someone told me it is very good to read aloud and helps u be in the moment , i pretend i am on tv reading the story so i put the expressions in more which i must admit helps me and maybe others !!
I spent the pm sorting out clothes books etc I am hopeless at doing this and had forgotten all my being in the moment sometimes singing to a cd helps but not today but getting involved such as looking at clothes and thinking chuck that or put in charity bag did kind of change the loop in my head !!!
When I am at peace with myself it is such a rare feeling that i prob go a bit eccastic i would love to be able to put a name to this feeling and sure could make a small fortune bottling it , i started this piece about 20 mins i don’t plan it , u may have gathered and just write what i feel someone told me it will help just thinking of the words will stop the loops in the head .
I dream of a day when i can have a content in the moment feeling all day but til then got my writing /reading news oh yer and who is going to win the election !!! to keep me going just hope tomorrow or the next when i go off on one to say it the scouse way i remember the calm feelings and somehow manage to get it back for i am the master of my fate i am the captain of my soul ( or is it the other way round ahhhh who cares !!! such is life