why be perfect

Today has been  an okish  type of day no big  disasters   to report and met  up with some  friends  for a general  chat , their  was 5 of us in total and think   we had  all various struggle in life   which made me think of so called  friend maybe that is pushing it  who is seems  to have no empathy with other people  struggles being on the  asd spectrum say i am like  that but  think that is open to debate  but catherine   compared  to me  seems to  have  no adventures no stories of  getting  wrong train,  leaving bag with  dosh on bus  or just   simply falling over the kerb and breaking leg  so having  nice house and job  but to me nothing   to strive for and i get  bored   with her  very quickly !

Another person i know   got   the  majority of A* in exams  and   throughout  her life   but went   quite   hysterical  as got a B   once  !!! as  just   could  not cope  with not  being top !!!

I have  a hand ful of   gcse  and not bad grades   but  tended  to get most of  them  bit   by bit not all in one   go and concentred  on subjects  that i enjoyed like   psychology and   some   strange  thing  welfare and  society !!!!!  but the subject i   failed    at  surprise  surprise  was  English lit   I had missed   an awful lot of school as became  diabetic when 13  and   was  badly bullied   so alot of time just used to stay off   as was so much easier

I  taught myself  english and on the day on the exam  was not well in the  exam and   told no one  just kind of  dozed off resulting  in   D or could   have been an  e  i was   not that bothered  but   the   english teacher  was so upset  but  i just enjoy reading the  stories  and  plays  not really  interested in    remembering  quotes  that means  nothing  but   a couple of years later i   was at college  i had  a couple of free  hours  as   the rest of the  group did sociology and was told  i could  not just sit in the cafe  and relax  so  said i could  retake  ENGLISH  lit again bit  gobsmacked    has it was not possible  to attend the lessons   d ue to other commitments   so i said  “I could teach myself  if the  teacher met me  every now  and then to tell me  what to read  errr  this  was liking  asking  for the moon and sun and stars  but i persuaded  them  i could do it  myself  and  so she did  like the  big red hen  and throughly enjoyed  myself  reading hardy and  war poets  which had touched in at  school and   surprise  surprise was  well and  well-loved the  exam and got  b which i was made  you have  prob noticed  grammar is   my downfall   but don’t care  i had passed  and  remembering  the  english teacher  seeing me in the  corridor  and saying  wow imagine  what  you would have got if came to the lessons and then why dont u take it  further  errrr no  i have passed  and that’s cool  but i read  cos  enjoy it  and having all these letters  and exams  mean well nothing   well all i can safely say a picture  paints a thousand words for  suggesting   exams mean nothing  but it is  true

lets  just say it is interesting  to learn through  our mistakes and perhaps  should have first  time round informed  the exam person that was not well !!! but still

I think the  grip of perfection  takes  ahold  and people miss out  when  they think we have to be  the best at what we do i used to  run races mainly 10k i enjoyed them and the  camaraderie of the  runners but  did  not want to be  a world  class  runner  i just enjoyed it so used to get really upset  when people  would say if  u trained  more  u could be  really good as far as i was  concerned was good as i wanted and  it helped  with  health problems  maybe should  give it another shot .

My times   at running races did  slowly improve which was pleased at  but  that’s what think should aim for in life   quiet steady progress who wants   perfection  when u  reach the  top  the only thing left is the  way down !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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