Been thinking alot since last week when I saw the ptsd man ROB who reckons that not only got ptsd aspergic but given me something else to mull over , PURE ocd never heard of it ( well thats a lie been told got ocd yeons ago but not the type people think of such as washing hands but this ocd combined with being on the autistic wavelength thing is not good !!!
I think this is the reason i get a buzz when ever buy a new book which i actually dont need but gets rid of the thoughts in my head even if only for few mins but pure ocd is more that evil thoughts travel round in loops in yr brain going round not going to repeat them here cos at the monent i do not have them and dont want to re awaken the m while they are dozing !!
I have looked this up on amazon and other help things and have to distract myself hence me writing this now just say it as it is and can stop it an saying bits of invictus ” I am the master of my fate i am the master of my soul although the evil bit of me keeps shouting at me you can repeat Invictus all u like but i am still here am in not which is true !!! ( but i live in hope for without hope have nought !!
I try and remember little quotes and have books of them allover the place and the one thAT springs to mind is by A.A milne youre braver than u believe stronger than u seem and smarter than u think musgt admit repeat that a few times to self and u will feel better about yourself !!! ( yes u will )
I often feel that their is a battle going on between the devil and whatever the good guys name is bit of me wants to say GOd but spend half my time shouting at him so not going to but it as if i have a few good hours maybe if lucky and then the devily evil side says “enough good times for one day and i am back shouting and cursing and haunts me with constant thoughts of u will never get better u know ” ummm think he /she may be right but they cant say well she just gave up at the first hurdle she tried everything but also dont want to be DEVON LOCH and fall at the last hurdle so yer keep on going !!!!
I am very into politics and love to watch the retorts they give each other and find it highly anusing but that what got to do I think when inner thoughts try and bring u down such as “you are no good at anything and live off the state retort back YER but i know what peole are going through when talk about mental health and can help by opening my mouth and as been often said ” everyone has purpose in life .
If people get at me for being weak often retort not weak at all be me for 24hrs and come back to tell me how u feel and i have been living this for decades and its a bit corny but its not how how often u fall but how often u get up !! hey ho feeling abit calmer now and going to make a cuppa and relax just dont be to hard on yourself !!! one day i will really be out of the night that covers me black as the pit from pole to pole