Dont knock yourself !!!

Been thinking alot    since last week   when  I saw the  ptsd  man  ROB  who reckons  that not only got ptsd  aspergic  but  given  me  something else to mull  over    , PURE ocd   never heard of  it ( well thats a lie  been  told    got  ocd   yeons ago   but not  the   type   people think  of   such as washing  hands    but  this  ocd   combined with  being on the  autistic  wavelength thing  is not good !!!

I  think this is the  reason i get a buzz   when ever   buy  a new book which i actually dont need   but   gets   rid  of the  thoughts in my head    even if only   for few mins but pure   ocd  is more  that   evil  thoughts     travel   round in loops  in yr brain   going  round  not going   to repeat them   here  cos  at the  monent   i  do not have  them  and  dont want to   re awaken the m while they are  dozing  !!

I  have looked  this up on  amazon and other  help things and have to  distract  myself  hence me  writing this now  just say  it  as it is   and can stop  it  an saying  bits of invictus   ” I  am the master of my fate  i am the master of my soul  although the  evil bit  of me  keeps  shouting  at me   you can repeat   Invictus all  u  like but  i am still here   am in  not which is true !!!  (  but  i live in hope   for without  hope have nought  !!

I try and  remember little   quotes  and have    books of them   allover the place  and  the one thAT   springs  to mind is  by A.A milne   youre  braver than u  believe  stronger  than u seem  and   smarter  than u think   musgt admit repeat   that   a few times to self  and u  will  feel  better  about  yourself !!! (  yes u will )

I  often  feel   that  their is  a battle   going on between the    devil and    whatever the  good  guys  name is   bit of me  wants to say GOd but   spend  half my  time  shouting  at him so  not going to  but  it as if i have  a few   good  hours  maybe if  lucky and  then the  devily  evil side   says  “enough  good  times  for  one  day   and i am back   shouting and cursing  and  haunts me   with  constant  thoughts of   u will  never get better  u know ”  ummm think  he /she may be  right but  they cant  say well  she   just  gave  up at the  first  hurdle   she tried everything  but  also dont want to  be  DEVON LOCH  and fall at the  last hurdle  so  yer  keep on going !!!!

I am very   into politics  and love    to watch the  retorts  they give  each other  and  find it highly anusing  but that  what got to  do I  think when   inner thoughts   try and bring  u down such as “you  are  no good at  anything and live off the state     retort  back YER  but   i  know   what peole  are   going through when talk about mental health and   can help  by opening my mouth  and  as  been often said   ”  everyone  has  purpose in life  .

If people get   at me for being  weak   often retort    not weak at all  be   me for   24hrs   and come  back to tell me how u feel  and i have been living this for  decades  and   its   a bit  corny but  its  not how how often  u fall  but  how often u get up  !! hey  ho   feeling  abit calmer now  and  going to make  a  cuppa  and relax   just dont  be to hard on yourself !!!    one  day    i will  really  be out of the night   that  covers  me  black as the pit from pole  to pole


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in aspergers, hidden diability, mental health, pureocd. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s