Invictus ( bit differnet )

hi  Just letting  Invictus   still  round and about but  in a slightly  differnet mode so   to speak  !!

TO lazy to read back  but think    told u  that  have got pure ocd  along  with the  aspergers  and  ptsd  and the   rest just  being me   people  take very notice of sore finger   but does not  really effect me or others !!!!

I was  talking  to  my Ptsd man who also deals with other  brian probs and  says  alot of my thinking    is  down to loops in brain  so every time  understress or  not thinking  in a deep way   the loop begins to  wirl  round   and  head  full of  swearing  puke  i honestly  cant think of   anything worse  !! and the prsd  just  adds another layer  so to speak .

Anyhow  Invictus  is about but   in a slightly  differnet  way although   still  got  various  lines that   are not  right  and seem to   give me  difficulty  such as   the  bit about the gate  and  tend to forget  the  menace of the years  but actually do  quite  like that line  !!!

I  was advised  by mr PTSD to try and  stop the  twirling of the  loop by quicky  jumping to something  else and maybe not  the whole   poem but just   bits or words ummm  sounds  easy but it is does not  bit like asking  me to support another  football team  or  politiical party  (  to set in my ways >

I went to   calderstones park  in Liverpool  kind of  home of  the  reader    and  the sun was  shining   , I have  started   reading   THE  great Gatsby    have  seen the   film with  leo  but  been told  the  book is so  differnet  so   the walk and  2 buses   just  flew by and was   just begining  to get the   gist of  it  ( hell we are here   got  to concentrate or   will  fly past   the   bus stop   , anyhow    enough digression  all was   well  at   caldies   talking  books  shakespeare  and Invictus   followed by  dawdle round the park if    I could blog  properly  i could  dec\orate  this with  lovely  pictures  but i cant  so i wont !!!

I was   traveling back  home  when i  could feel the  thoughts  come back  so  picture m e on the  bus  saying OUT OUT out of of  the night  night etc  and   repeating  each word   i  made patterns   about  saying  one word once then  twice  etc   reallt will  have to get the  coffee down me but   did  seem to  slow  down the  wheel of thought  more tham saying  the whole poem but at the  same  time was  not quite  tight    as  like  to say the  lines    fully as actually  mean something    OUT OF  THE  NIGHT  THAT   COVERS ME  (   (yerr one day  will be free  from this !!!  live happily  ever after !!! ummmm but does  more than just repeating the  words    countless  times   think will  just have to   experiment  as  it is like  being on a swing  u  have to  keep  moving  your legs  up and down  other wise   will  just grind to a stop    but   i have to   stop the wheel   going  round my head !!!

Moist people  know about |Invictus  and  NELSOn mandella   and  at first thought   well   bet   he never   made word   games  with  Invictus but  thinking about he probably did  !

I   at times   think  i an going somewhere  with all this  and  at  other  times  seem   to be standing   still but  nothing   wrong with  standing still and   just observing !!!  for

I  am the master of my fate   I am the   Captain of my soul !!!


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in frazzles, invictus, poetry, ptsd, pureocd, READING, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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