do whats best for u !!!!!!!

I   sometimes   think my personality is one of  extremes ,  very often  it is one of suicidal   despair and at others   i am  sooo happy   people  are wondering what it   is  I have taken !!!

I suppose   my pessimistic  self   could be  called  Eeorye   i would not  say i am an   pesssimist  or an  eternal  optisimist   per haps    just a realist !! when i am   happy grab it  tightly   and probably to  extremes  as   dont know   how long this   feeling  will be  with me .

I know  a few  people  who seem  to be  always a n Eeyore   and   try to avoid them as  they try to  drag  me down  with them   , win a    tenner on the lottery  , one  more ball  i could  have  won alot  more   !!! the  glass  is never   full   just    90 %

yesterday was  a bad  day  not going into  yet  as   still processing   it all !!! although  been told   writing  everything down helps u get  things    in the  right place but  no      got  Eeyore on my head   for today   ( digressing  again )

I   often  wonder   how  my life  would have panned out  if did not  have all  these difficulties   yer  my general  health would have been   better  but   having   a tigger  head at  times  u  have to see  an obstacle  as something to get  over  and  you learn from it    ummm  that’s   is so corny but   true  i would not have met  various  people or  visited  certain places  if not  for the   various health probs .

I am   hopeless at   craft  but at the  same   time   do  quite  like doing it  as   can go off  in   to my own world  years  ago i   did some sort of   child   tapestry  took  ages  and  not  of a very   good  standard  but i liked it  but   remember    turning it over   and  was   completely  different   even more  messy  and  was  at  first   very disappointed but  years later   yer thats  sums up the  tapestry of life   , u have    to  the  yucky  side to  get the   best  !!!! umm  actually my Eeyore  side   but surely things dont  have to  be this  bad!!!!!!!!!

I know  i sometimes  take    to much notice of my eeorye  side  and  may have concentrate to   much on the  bad ,   than the good    if been   given a pile of books   may dwell on the  one  that  was   bad in the pile instead of the    10 that  were  good   (  actually  i very   rarely  give  up on reading something  entirely  may put  it on one side  for   another side  but  naaah dont give up .

I don’t like  people   giving me   advice  although  maybe  come back to  it  another   time  but  when  in a  frazzle (  nice way of   saying  it )   the last thing  i want   is people  saying  stop  worrying  about the  future or   dwelling on the past     live in the moment   ahhhh  you havent   got  a brian like me      but they  are right  this is   when invictus  comes in    with  It matters not how   strait   the gate and   or how long the  scroll I am the   master of my fate  I  am the captain of my  soul  . (  something  like that  )    i am the   boss of my life  although must   admit   dont  mind   advice   off  most people    think  its  just  my parents    (  what do they   know )

I find it   very  difficult  when the   pure ocd ptsd  aspie brain   totally   explodes   i keep    collecting these weird things   but    I  am not a   tv   just  find it so   difficult to   change   channels  always  amuses  me  if watching  tv with  my dad  as   he  jumps   channels  all over the place  when  adverts   claiming  “oh   i don’t   want to  watch that      ”   wow  so  easy  if only I could   do that !!!

i think we  often become   a prisoner  to public opinion    yer   it is  good  to  think of others   but  also  got to think of self and  speak up  ,   my mum worries   alot   about   what people  thibnk especially having  a daughter  who tends to speak  her mind   she  thinks  people   will  badly of  her  cos  of my loud  statements  and  if people   ask for my opinion    well   i will tell cos  they asked   me for  it  i went to  pick a dress  with a friend  once  i  am not   interested in  fashion  but my mate  said  ” yer   but  u will tell me the  truth and  thats   what i want ”

I read   an awful   lot  tried  to avoid  self   help   books   as  they dont   do what they say  but    they do have  their uses   because  of my  weird !!!!!! head   i love books on the brain  but  i used  to worry   about  getting  books  about  mental health  out of the library as   did not like them seeing  what was reading but  for awhile   now realise   it  should be  no difference  about  getting  a  book about  brain disorder then  a brain health one  and  could   spark up  a  conversation   about mental health  cos thats  what people  need  to do !!!

oh well  need a tea     tomorrow   is another   day (  groan)  !!!! ha need   to put on rose tinted     glasses and  not the murky ones


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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