I think have told you before you that i am the image of my mum but nothing like her just tolerate her !!! she is of the ilk that every day is a blessing and seems to live life full of Gratitude for each day .
I reckon this is because she developed Addison disease when pregnat with me and not p icked up til after i was born and could have killed us both , i Have hear , read that some people who stare death in the face tend to live life with this lets do something good with out lives .
I am not like this , when i am really down i want to find the DRS and Nurses who saved me and wak them over the head !! my parents were told for weeks/ months that things not looking good and when i did come home from hosi a nurse said u do know she is brain damaged !!! , but turns out not as bad as what people predicted this is turning into a right sobby story but i am always interested in why myself and my mum have gone through same experiences but we view life so differently ,
I think i was born fighting and to an extent still fight today as thoughts of suicide break through then i would be at peace but people have told me ” what a waste because you have been through so many situations and come out from them speaking writing about them may help someone else ummm that’s true fight on Macduff !!!!!
My mum loves to say ” life is a gift u should do something , I kinda think yer a gift like sock at christmas although actually have got quite a fetish about socks
I think I told you have been recently told got pure ocd th is were horrific thoughts spiral round and round like a washing machine and people keep saying live int moment yer but this is not good if it is late and have forgotten to check the fridge and run out of milk !! or even worse not checked it and gone sour but i suppose if you have every thing you need for the moment then you have it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The past moment has gone and the present moment may never arrive so live in the now and the awful images i have in my mind are just that a picture so let go yer I get told this all the time by various people but the images are to ingrained and wont go al though writing this i am relatively calm but really not a good idea to sit and write what ever comes out of my brian next and need the loo and a cuppa !!
I think i have lost hope in the future as when got grumpy head nothing lasts people move on and nothing changes but often think of job from what i remember things turned out for him in the end so just trust and let the future unfold , ummm Invictus has been with for over 18 months and often say it in my bed especially this last week but do say it alot travelling about not the whole poem since hearing about the pure ocd i am like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no more leave me alone but I am the master of my soul I am the master of my fate so carry on i say !!!!
I have been told i am child like as very spontaneous and moods change a lot like a child very excitable but what children have is a gift live in the present not sure about this my youngest niece is 6 not 7 til August but other day said shall we just pretend that i am 7 i just can’t wait for that day !!!!!!
OH WELL this ends a very dreary day the next one should be happier I hope for your sake as well as mine
Happiness requires that we enjoy what we have not that have all that we want !!!!!!!!!!!!! um theirs something to think about