just ride that horse !!!!!

I   am hopeless at making  decisions  to  put it in the  simplest form  i deciding   what to    have  for breakfast  tend to make weetabix  / porridge and  sprinkle  loads of     other  cereal type   things all over the p place very  rarely do i have  just one type of  cereal !!

One of my pet  hates     (  actually have loads  )    is what    do  you do or  what do  you see   yourself   doing  in the  future   have no  idea   think it  is a  miracle   get through a  day  never  made   do something  with it  survive  this   sounds  a bit over the    top but    you  will never  reside  inside my head  and torment  (    doing  violin thing  again )

I was   asked   this   question in a different manner  awhile back and  I  liked   it  as  gave me something  to   visualize  and   think  ” what  way is your   horse  heading   ” so imagine  the horse and  you are  racing along   perhaps it just want  to go  more  slowly  and sniff and  ponder     must admit   used to  annoy me taking   my dog   down the  road  as   took so long sniffing  everything in sight  but  suppose   just enjoying the moment and of course the sniff  !

The  day before   we  decided  to put poppy   to sleep   we  took her  to a local   beach   caldy on the    Wirral     as a puppy we let her off the lead and  she ran like  mad  in to the  mud and  thought  at one  point  was  going to  run across the  estuary and was  away     in the  moment  chasing the  birds    years later   we took  her to the same  beach    were  she used  to like  to jump and  chase  the  butterflies   but  just   sat by  the  bench and  stared at  us   with her big   brown   eyes   far  to tired  to care anymore    of course  animals   but  don’t  speak as   such  but we  can learn so much  of   how they live their  lives   yer   just    sleep  eat and  walk !!!

to make a decison in life   you have to pause and  just   see  what  your inner  self  is   saying  such   as committing  to something   to something on the phone   but in actual  torment  once   you have  said yes    i really  must   get   into the  habit of  saying  can i let u know it is  very difficult   to make   decisions  knowing   that  can effect the  rest of   your life    my middle  niece  is  15  and works   in    a hotel    but ask   what   she  is  going  to do  she just  laughs  no idea   her   younger  sister   has  recently   broken  her  arm  and has   decided  she is   going to  design  cards  for people   who are ill  to make them happy  sounds   great    but the other week it  was  going to go  on BRITAINS    got  talent with her cat  which  was  going  to  come out of a box   oh to  be   that  age    and really  believe in all these   dreams  that  are going to come true.

alot of    our struggles in life come  from  previous experiences and have let  with some sort of  inner   fear   turmoil   in  an art   class at  about the  age  of   12    the  teacher   tore  my  piece of work   up and said  “it was  utter  rubbish  ”  yer  it was never   going to go  in an  art gallery  but took me  ages to do and  i was the  artist  maybe   i meant  to  be   all out of   sync  and  the wrong way round , so this puts me  off doing any thing  arty as   it is  like  opening the  wound  yet again .

The fear   also comes  from wanting to be safe  which  is like the  ego  shouting out loudly   NO  no lou don’t   do art    although  sometimes   and dabbled   when  I have made it very clear    just  let me  do own thing  !!!!!!

I  have in the past worked with  young children  and some one said  to me   why do   always  head  for the  craft   table  when  you  hate  art so much   ummm  but the  kids    don’t know that  i am  prob  at the   same standard  at  the  3/5  year old but  we   are   just in the  moment   cutting and  sticking   so yer  do your own thing  and  ride that horse !

so i guess  next time   a big  decision   just    sit and  wait  and  listen and  does the inner  horse  want   to   slow down or zoom    off on a gallop rushing into the  decison   or what like more  anything  slowly  going along  taking   everything you meet  in  your stride  be curious   in the  journey but  nothing  stopping  you  if   you feel the  journey    to much  turning the  horse  round and   gallop    back  home  (  bit corny  that    but you get the picture    now  then   to make  a cup of tea  / coffee   discision



About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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