dream life

we all have    dreams supposedly the  ones that we  aspire   to be  not talking    about the ones   we have  when we  visit the  land of nod !!!

I have  been   ill the moment arrived   on the planet  and  even before   waddling around in my mums   stomach  but this  is not me    throwing  a pity party    don’t  tend to  do that     just  saying that’s   why I have  never had  dreams  of a certain  life just get through  it  !!! !!! I remember   ages  being told to   always   aim for the  middle   not the   top or bottom and    you are more likely to   be happy  , yer thats  what I tend to do  but  so  many people   like  my parents   say things  like     ”  well next time   you might    get a higher mark   NOOOOOOOOh

All   I actually  want in life    is  just one thing      which  i suppose is   a dream the      thoughts or  scars     left behind   from a  traumatic    childhood   so i can think and be   and      the   actual  dream of living in the present !!!

If I   look back at my life     alot of   my life   has  gone   wrong   cos   wrong place   wrong  time  although  was told  by someone   who had   dealt with   traumatic  life  experiences     you were  not  in the  wrong   place or time  cos not  yr fault   but at times in  life i am in the    right   place   right time     which has  led me   to different   places   t hat   you   just  cld not   dream of   going   !!!   especially as    don’t like    leaving    merseyside    as we have  everything    well  not mountains !!!  but  can live    without  them !!

the hardest thing    to do for me   is to  be here now   not in  wallowing  in past   or   imagining    horror  stories of the  future  so   just BE HERE NOW !!!  AND SO JUST  STAY THEIR SO MANY Things  that  happen  in life  you  can’t do anything about  so  if  u plan a picnic  as  thought    hot weather  forecast     but it pours    down so  nought   you can   do   so cursing  and  screaming and    fist  throwing  is   not going to  change   anything so  why do i   live in the past when   what has happened     has  happened    but  can not    really be changed !!!

I suppose if  u give out  a negative  life     you  creat more  negative     thoughts that’s  why the other  day when  down  in the   dumps  went to  a  singing  cafe  at  a local community   church and must  admit   was chronically  ill walking their but    felt better  once started  singing

I  have  been told    to take things in  little steps    like stepping   stones    that  is   why still  say    my adoptive   poem    Invictus   at  times  during the day  sometimes it calms   sometimes it does not but   someone   said   one  day   you will  reach the other  side   and then  wow !!!!

Hopefully i have  a dream that     after years  of chronic   distress     I  will become a magnet    of  good  times  and   feelings   but  to be  free of the thoughts  in my head    would   be the   greatest dream of all !!!

we are  here and  it is now  what else is their    KOBI   yabada  not forgetting   one day  i will be out of  the night  that covers me !!!!!!

 

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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