nudge push shove

I     have   been interested for  awhile  in like  what can   only be  called   the  inner self  what is  me   throughout my life    i have  felt   something  what is   it  telling me to go a certain  way  is  the soul    who knows   !!!

I know  for   a fact   if I had listened  to my  inner   feeling  / thoughts   would not have been  in the mess  I am in now  !!!

I   don’t  remember     a time  when I did not read     and parents   will  often  talk about  me  walking   round with   a book   had   very little  interest  in dolls  or  people   just liked  to read or  look at pictures   !!!

I have  no idea   why    people    gets so   upset   about    following   your   own way  in life  i remember parents    getting upset  that   i did  not go  out  and about as  much    as  other  people  my age  and   tried  to  explain   that  i was   quite  happy    siting  in the   garden  reading   i was  happy   doing  what i wanted !!!  why   do  people  get so  upset   because  people  like to  be   themselves   rather than     going   round in a gang  !  It   all made   sense     once    diagnosed  with  aspergers   but  people  still  made  comments  about    me being   by  my self   yer  sort  out     log  in yr own  eye  before    getting the  speck out of mime  I  knew  of a neighbours   son  who very rarely   left the  house    saying  he would  sort    himself   out   when  ready and   after  getting  a  part   time job for   a year or so  has just    got  himself  a job  in London  yer   he  knew what was best for him    and    after  spending    time  by  himself for  years  he got  the  right messages  and  is now   ready to   live his own life !!!

People    still  get upset    about the  time   i spend   reading   but it  is  what i  enjoy  although  a friend  said  ”  you read  like an autistic  ,    like   read  everything   dont choose   in the  right order   and totally engrossed   well that makes   sense  !!! although it   is    difficult    to decide   when    to say this  book    is not working for me   lets   give up but I dont  i just   carry  on going !!!!  althoughis   to short    to read as   someone   told me   life     rubbish  true   but  i  am  open  to all !!!!

I  tend   to always   to go the   same way  every where   and so  it  was   a total  surprise   when   nearly 10   years   ago   walking  round Birkenhead   felt   this need to   go and  check out the  Lauries   community  centre   which had been  opened by  Paul  o grady   awhile back   so off i  went    bit unsure  as  never   been their  before   but  something  was nudging me over    ”  go and see  what is over  their ”  umm so off I  went i   was  bit  disappointed  at first    as   although claimed  to  be  a community  centre  it   obviously  was not and   looked  at  me gobsmacked  when asked  what  goes  on then!!!!    not alot  umm  well  have    something to  eat and  lets   get out of  here   and  so   picked   something  to much and    ate  (   exciting this )   not but   wait over   their in the  corner  was  a grp   about   3/4 people   siting in the  circle   reading ,  from  a   book it   FASCINATED ME  LOOKING  VERY RELAXED  AND  BEFORE  knew   were  i was    the other side of the   room   asking  what they     were  doing  very   rude  !!!!    and shock horror    we  are  the  reader  org   sit down    and join us  so   i did   and   for the  first  time   ever   felt  totally at home   and  could not  wait   to go  home and  tell my  mum  what  i had found  and the  rest  as they  say is  history still  involved   10 years  on although   do my own   grp now  with   a mate   and  still   someone  who read   read   reads  but   the   bi g difference   not alone but with  friends !!!!!

I wonder   what    would  have happened  if not listened to   this  inner voice  life  is  still not   easy but    without    the  shared  reading   grp alot   harder  and it   silences my thoughts  which are  horrific   with ptsd /pure ocd !!!! but    does    silence   when reading more  so   when    not alone so  just   stay  open  to curiosity  and what is over their  cos  you   can  know  when the  inner   being  is nudging  !!!

 

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About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in aspergers, dyspraxia, hidden diability, mental health, READING, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to nudge push shove

  1. Loving your blog Lou x

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