small changes small steps

It is well  over   7  months   since New year   and    was wondering   about  how  we make  big steps   at NEW year  and  well  months  later   may have  even forgotten  what they  were . I  stopped  celebrating   NEW  year    awhile   back as  realizing     not going to   get   any better    doom and gloom merchant    that i am  !!!!

but perhaps the  answer instead  of   small  changes  make   small  setups  saying i I   will  stop smoking  turn it    I will  cut    down bit  by bit   reckon it would be  more   successful

I  remember  a    man helping  me with  ptsd  and  thoughts in head      asking  me  rather obscure   questions  what  would  the  future  be  like if    you  did   not have   the  problems   you had now and  how would  i know  if i was  better   well  i would  just know  because  was not   in   a rage  and the few   times i am happy   just  want   to hold on to it   a bit longer !!!

People   make  resolutions   that   are  to   big    stop  smoking or  drinking  without doing   the small  steps    like  just cut  it little  by little ,  i am trying  to   sop these  awful  thoughts in my head   round and round  goes the  rage  til it  subsides  so  much time   I on them but  their  is   tomorrow   (  groan)

I wonder    what my  life   would be  without  these  thoughts   and  know  I would not waste  my time and just know   i would be more at peace with  myself  and others    yer  out  of  the  night  that  covers me   black as the  pit  from  pole   to pole  ( invictus)   yer     maybe  never fully  out   but every  minute   without these  thoughts  is    a tiny  step    not a stepping stone  more like a pebble  so should  notice   each  little  change   and if not happening   change the  steps   !!!.

In Tibet their is a word for  regret but not for guilt  so  dont   spend time  being   guilty unless   hurt someone  else than it is   different   we all have our own  paths  and  shld not   feel   guilty  doing own thing

I  am the master of   my fate   I am  the  captain of  my soul


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
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