Out of the night that cover me black as the pit from pole to pole .
I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul .
yer still here Invictus mates for life although have odd squabble as all mates do , things seem to be moving again for me and surely one day i will get a good set of cards to play with and wow will i play them
MY gp and other various mental health people reckon although deffo got asperger it is not the major problem really it looks more and more deffo that is
deffo pure ocd which has been sparked off mainly by traumatic life experiences cool well not cool at all but u have got to know what you are actually fighting so to speak.
I actually don’t remember being at peace for a full 24 hrs but one day that is my dream to be just at peace with the world and my self and out of the black pit woah !!!!! keep wanting to say black night kind of means the same !!
i often think got my life figured out and yep the past is no longer torturing me , but wham bam a massive tidal wave comes and knocks you over and you are flat on yr face but although you are on the floor and you think hey ho just going to lie here for ever their actually comes up a point when you have to get up again bit like getting out of bed and its freezing so yer my un conquerable soul is back
! In the fell clutch of circumstance i have not winced or cried aloud my head is bludgeoned but unbowed ( this bit not true still but if you don’t open your mouth and have total hysterics no one blinks an eye lid ) strange saying that !!! but still i know what i mean !!!!!!
I had buried various traumatic events in my child hood away think they call it disassociated or something just put away in box for Pandora to come and open hell and double hell which has sparked off the pure ocd and the evil thoughts in the washing machine of my brain I believe some people say this is like the cancer of the psychiatric world bit strong you may be thinking but have my brain for a week and would give you a 100% guarantee that you would be totally suicidal as not kidding it affects all of your life and makes even the smallest problem such as i often mislay a library book and I get so wound up about it so that the lost library book becomes i will be banned from the library for ever and i wont be able to read their books and what will i do the end is neigh noooooh but their i go just magnifying every problem to the size of stuff in Gulliver’s travel s !!
Beneath this place of wrath and tears lies the horror of the shade and yet the menace of the years will find me and find me unafraid ,. umm still kinda confused by this the horror of the shade bits of me hopes that if i ever become well I will be just so overwhelmed that i just be not sure what to with myself or my emotions like a kid before christmas day !!!
i have been told the way i react well over react is a reaction to ptsd but that just amuses me cos not normal at all i am just on another universe to the rest of you !!! I don’t know what i would do if i had a normal brain for a day prob nothing exciting as would be overwhelmed
i am to tired and emotional to do the last little bit so just got to remember
I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul and what other people do to me to mess that up is NOT MY FAULT SO THEIR U GO