MY HEAD IS WHIRLING yesterday i wen to my local hospital to see a psychiatrist that saw yeons ago when i was self harming and was totally depressed but despite changing my life kind around i am always thinking there is more to this then meets the eye !!!!!
I was going to see her mainly cos cant get horrific thoughts about incidents out of my head which is again making me suicidal thinking “am I going to be like this for ever please kill me now !!!!
I know i am aspergic but people have often made the comment that i am ultra lively and get over excited bounce around this tends to be with people i like and know well which although at time i am ultra shy and withdrawn , i think i am a person of extemes !!!
Two people could be discussing me and one maysay ultra quiet says nothing by self alot whilst another would say she comes bouncing in hia and yaps constantly interrupts people when speaking and is a live wire so yesterday after discussing various things was kinda s surprised but not really when said ” i strongly suspect got some form of adhd /add but 100% sure need you to some tests and come back ummmm yer !
I was bit gobsmakced NAHHHHHH not hyperactive attention deficit thingy i have read Shakespeare and middleman !!1 noooooooh but then she said ” yer but u are also aspergic and reading and words are yr thing and that what u like to do and then thought umm I read in a strange way everything but also jump from a biography to a self help to a Victorian classic but their is a difference between me reading at home to the shared reading grps i am still with them , well realtively but at home i move about alot !!!!! so yer perhaps their is something in their !!!!
i WENT TO SEE A DIABETIC NURSE AFTER THIS ASKING HER BLUNTLY WHAT SHE THOUGHT and she said being brutally honest s he thought was more add then aspergic as she says ” you bound in and moving about all the time but seen you with other people and completely different so yer maybe you change but then said you’re still u and thats all that matters !!!
i think last night i thought more and more abt this thinking yey as i walked round and round in circles for what seemed hrs no wonder skinny !!!!!
i had the radio at the same time and a song came on I liked so danced around like a mad man well lady at the end of my dancing went oh yer adhd !!!!
I actually am not that bothered as if u know what something is you can learn how to control it to and extent but if i end up on a ritalin wld not be happy if took my creativity away as thats what i like head buzzing with ideas oh well such is life and greatest gift you can have with a brain that is out of sync is a sense of humor and ability to laugh at ones self !!!!! and who wants to change that yey Invitus u were right
out of the night that covers me black as the pit from pole to pole I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul yer getting to the top and bottom of it taking a lifetime but wow what a journey now were have i put war and peace !!!