Invictus ta so much

Out of the  night   that    covers  me  BLACK AS   THE  PIT   FROM POLE TO  POLE TO POLE    I THANK   WHAT  EVER GODS  may be  for my  unconquerable  soul

In the   fell clutch  of  circumstance   i have not  winced or  cried aloud    my head is   bludgeoned   but umbound unbowed  (  ahhhh wrong   it is under the   bludgeonings of chance my head is   bloody but   un bowed


who   cares  if  i still get   the  lines mixed  up   i went to   a  reading  grp   the other day   were   we   were   discussing  Thomas   Hardy  were  it   was  said he  was  a perfectionist   you can  get    different   versions of  his work    and he  has changed  the  wording .

YEy out of the  night   that covers me  yey   really  feeling   that  at  the mo   since   Wednesday  when   is was   suggested   that  i  have  adhd    as well aspergers  ocd   ptsd    ( tiring all this   i  feel  somewhat   relieved  and   although  not really    not supposed  to  have done a few  of the  tests  repeatedly  on  all saying the  same thing !!!!

I think their is   obviously a fight  going  n  in my  head between the   labels   that  have  been put on my head  but   yer  i am    hyper active    even the   way  i read    i get so   excited   when  finish  a book   and    read   a   chapter of one book and then another    the only  time    i read the   same book  constantly for an hr   is with   the    reader org    were  i  am  happy   discussing  it and    reading  it   at  a relatively slow  pace  although  not     as  slow  as    a snail on crutches !!

It is   strange    as  not    really  upset    that   say  got adhd  apparently  their  is various  types   as it is   a relief   as know  why  their  is a million and  one thoughts in my  head   and full of ideas   which never   really  come  round to   fruition   such as    deciding to  translate     all of  Shakespeare      works     a into   scouse .

I  honestly  don’t know   what is worse      having    aspergic     head on    when i am worrying   about   everything  and     just   dont   want   to open my mouth  or  this    suspected   adhd   when i am talking    9 million to the  dozen  and    feel  like a wasp   stuck in the   jam  jar   ahhhhhhh

when i am in a  grp   of people and  an idea    comes into my head    their is  no way on  this planet  that i    be  quiet   i have to  air my ideas    straight away   !!!

BEYOND THIS  PLACE  OF  WRATH  AND TEARS  LIES THE   HORROR OF THE  SHADE  AHHHH  NOOOH   ITS   LOOMS     ALWAYS     SAYING LIES   INSTEAD OF  LOOMS   YEY  I LOVE THE   WORD OF  LOoMS SO    WHY DOES  IT  NOT GET INTO  MY SKULL  ooooh    why  have i written  that  last bit in capitals   must be over  excitement  talking  about    Invictus

Today  i went into   an  horrific  hypo  not  had  a o low blood  sugar    attack  for yeons    but   started  off  blinding  headache   then   got in a massive   nark   got   some  munchies   went  to bed  and    my legs  arms   went   totally dead   and   for  all the  tea in china or coffee in brazil  could not move  although this  was obviously    not    really  a  good  day   it actually made  a pleasant    change  from fighting    mental  health probs  so   reckon     got to  face facts  i am never   really   going to be  well but    it leads  to  an interesting  life    if nought else   be  awful  to die   and say  got  nought to say  about them  !!!  i have  known this  happen

Back  to  invictus   though        beyond this  place of wrath of tears  lies the  horror o the shade    seems  if not   fighting  one  ailment     i am fighting  another   so will  always   be something  wrong   ,   but   not kidding  it  was   quite  pleasant  this   afternoon  lying in bed   not able to  move  as   could think   always   look a the   bright  side   .

well said    enough  I am the master of my fate   I am the  captain of my soul    one  day    I   or the professionals so  called    can sort  me out  or at least   have fun  trying


About loubyjo

I have all my life been fascinated by words and books especially I used to have this strange idea that I could read every book in the world well maybe just 80% of them . My life can at times be really stressful as suffer my brains wires are all wonky which results in me having aspergers syndrome thats probably where all my crazy ideas spill out from !!!IIIalso have ocd which results in my thoughts getting stuck in my head causing me lots of distress , but hey what is perfection and if i ever met a perfect person it would probably send me fast asleeP AND YOU AS WELL SO iIam hoping to use this blog to let you lnow what it is like to be me !! in the last few years also discovered got ptsd this is were most of probs stem from
This entry was posted in adhd, aspergers, diabetic, invictus, mental health, ptsd, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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