seven wonders of the world

umm feeling the  need  to lighten the mood  after  what   has happened  the  in  Manchester   2 nights  ago  and came  across this little story ( parable )   think it  is  pretty  well  known  but always   think  u get  something  new   even  if u   have heard  it   countless   times  before !!!

A teacher   asked her   students   to write down  the  wonders of the world which they did  and   came up with

A  The pyramids  B  Taj Mahal   C  Grand Canyon   4 Panama  canal    5 Empire state   building   6  St Peters  Rome   and the  Great wall of china  not sure   if their  was   discussions   what should  come  first   but still

One  student    seemed  to be having a bit of trouble so  was asked  if  was   having  any problems   thinking of them  ”  well  yer  their  is  just to many  to think of  but got

A   touch   B taste   C  see  D  hear E feel   F laugh and  last one love   yer   bit  sort of to  good  to be true   but  something in it    all the  first wonders   listed   You are   quite lucky  to have   seen  them all  never mind one of the   but the  majority  of people  have  experienced   something of the    second list     thinking of  a lady who used  to   come to  come   to  a shared   reading   grp  does not  come  any more  due to  mobility probs   but was   more or less   blind   seemed to have an acute    hearing and   was so  able to join in     At times  it is   very difficult to see anything    good in the  world we live   but sometimes  the  wonder of  life   can be  right in front of us but can’t  see the woods  for the  trees   !!

went to   the bed  last night  thinking  alot   of  the opening   lines  of invictus  Out of  the night  that  covers me  black as the  night  from pole to pole  and stopped  and thought of Manchester  and hopefully  their  night is   very  black at the  moment but  one  day the  light will shine   going to cheer on man u in the  ufea   cup  now   !!


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sending out good vibrations

Not   had a very good  day   thoughts   seems   much worse  since been told  about the pure  ocd  and  still wondering  what to do next !!!!   I am not  saying  to myself  the  first bit of  Invictus  as  to upsetting   OUT of the night  that  covers me (  nah )    but  beyond  this place of   wrath  and  tears  lies  the  horror of the shade yer   i often   think  i am in a  massive   obstacle   race  and      have to get  over  each  rock     but   don’t be  surprised   if  something  falls  in the path  ,

I  think  one  person  can  send   the  whole   vibrations of a room   from totally miserable   to  happiness  it as   if our mood s  are  contagious  and a smile, frown   seems to   be  able to  travel at  the   speed of light / sound  what ever  even when siting    round the   table .

I remember a lady from a reading group telling the  story of her   dad  who used to raise  his   cap   at whoever  he  met and say  good  morning  to people he met     after  he  had  passed on  a lady asked  about  her dad   and    told  him he had  died  whereupon  she  said   no matter  how the  day  she  always  felt a  smile   growing on her  face  when  he  said  good  morning   as my mum  says  ” good  manners    cost nothing ”

If i am in bad mood    everyone  knows about as   find it   virtually  to hide my emotions  yesterday  was in the  centre  of Liverpool   thinking scaring the life   out of  everyone  as was muttering  and   clenching  teeth  ( all over  the place )    we  had a surprise   visit from    someone  who used   to  work with my mum  and   i  was the only  one who  knew    what was happening  and seeing the  surprise  when she  called  round    I soon  had forgotten what i was like a few hrs  back as  smiled   and laughed  through  various  memories !!

It is well   known  that   having a smile  on your face    reduces  stress  hormones  blood  pressure  i am always   amazed that  cos i am so stressed out that my  blood pressure is on the low side !!!!

I   read alot as  stated   and don’t  like  things to gushy  of  fairy taleish  but  do  sometimes   read things  that  are   written just to make   you feel  you can make it   bit like  Invictus  although had a   slight  fallout  he is  still their   and  reckon always  be   anyhow  digressing   again  back to    the  feel good  story

Their was  man who   was in   so  prison   so yer  a dark place  and  decided   to  think   good  thoughts  about   people  and  smile   at people (   warning  bit to  good to be true) and  guess what !!!!!!!  Nothing  happened !!!! ha ha  no the  inmates   began to look at him  instead of   at the  floor  and  guards who where  miserable sods  began to smile more   and the    feel good   factor   began to spread  so   yer he  was  able   to  kind of transform  the  people  around him i must admit were  i live  in the park most people  grin and say hello but  suppose bit  lighter  than a prison

well  u cant change the  world  but  u can change  the  few people  u meet  around you  as Gandhi   said  “be the  change you  want to see i n the  world ”  well  we  can but try !!!!




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hidden treasures of the underdog !!!!

So  Chelsea  ,have won the  premier league   and the   fa  cup is between   chelsea  and  Arsenal    yer teams in the  top  four   ( boring)  the  excitement is  when the underdog wins !!

Last year   everyone  was cheering  Leicester  city on  a team that  went  to the  bottom   to the  top and slid  down again but  who  cares  the whole  nation    was cheering

I am an evertonian ,  we are not manufactured !!!   and we    do not  have  the  following  of the   team  over the park but  we are loyal   and out  time will come ,  i wonder how  LIverpool   football   fans would  react  if they  could  not play in Europe  because of another  team   rioting  !!!   but still  changing tack ,

Last year the  whole country  was taking  interest in  Leicester  when Chelsea  won the  league the  other  night   no – one battered   an eyelid   it was  nothing out of the usual !!

THeir is  something  about togetherness   when watching    sport  together   it brings  you  to gether  last year  my mum who   has   no interest in sport  was  behind the  Welsh  team  ( she is welsh ) and  was  so  excited  in certain   games  and  screaming   “Gareth bale  so u  can  see   what    myself and my dad like  ,  numerous  welsh friends    were   ringing up and  congratulating    my mu   have no idea    why as  she   was  not playing !!!

AT  certain  sport  occasions i always   watch them  with my dad  he never seems  pleased  but  secretly together   as we discuss      tackles  off sides  anything the  same  goes for  the   GRAND  national   years ago  my dad  said   “if u want  to bet  put it  on yourself  ”  i was horrified  but did   just  cos i had to   cos  thats  the  excitement  of the national  u  just may win .

A couple of years  ago i watched the  race  myself i called  round at my dads  but he had gone out  so watched  it myself  it just was not the same  watching  it without  someone  else win .or lose .

Last year   all sort of   emotions  rang  through  as  LEcister  won  but they showed   grit  and  yer Jamie   vardy was their main man  but  as a whole   they played as  a team and the love of playing  the  beloved  game  shone through and had  respect  for  themselves .

SAdness  always   tinges sport  my dad always   went  to matches  with his  eldest brother   so when  he died   their  was  a big hole   but  somehow   u feel  he    is still watching  when  a game is   being played

Today Tranmere   rovers  was at  Wembley hoping to  go back into the  football   league but  they lost  2-1 last week  they  were so full of optimism  but think   u just never know what it is  going  to happen although  an efc  fan I did the  enjoy the  comeback   by lfc  in the  European  cup showing  guts to  come back   to win but that is the only time  i cheered !!!  doubt they  would  do the same to us !!!!!

well as  a tramere  rovers   fan said   “always  next season used  to be big tranmere   fan but i  live  round the corner  from  their old   training   ground  which was a memorial  ground for  Wilfred  Owen which the  football  ground  sold  and built  a housing  estate , knocking  down the memorial  trees  in the process not long after this  they were out of the  football league  (  curse of  wilf )    quite  like  the  end of the  football  season as  can fully relax

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Invictus / silas/fasutus

The  other   day I went to my weekly   app with my ptsd     man   I was  slightly  frazzled  as  thought a  bus   had  been missed out  so got  another one   that meant   10 min    walk    but  my luck  was in  a bus    that  took  me  to woodside  was  other side of  road  and with  a  dart  over the  road   that  could  have been  disastrous  i was over   and on  my way  with time  to spare  as  per  usual  i am   very  rarely   late  !!!!!! which  i don’t   seem to remember   when i am  panicking  !

I have been  following  Jane   Davis  and her  blog online   (  boss, kinda  of the  reader org if  fancy a look   ! (forgotten  how to do links )   but anyhow  reading  slowly  which is good  silas marner  i have  actually  not read it  ,  only extracts   but  so far so good  although  not  something to read  when  in a rush or  waiting for   yr bus   as u  need  to relax and think anyhow  onto   my journey  , i could  feel my body/ mind tense  up but  started  to think of   silas   and    what would  happen  all we have  got so far    very lonely  and had to live  elsewhere  ,  it   all  seemed  a  bit  fairy lake  and  although was  enjoying it    bit of me   thinking  ” fairy  tales for adults   he will  end  up all happy  with    friends  and    happiness  abounding  ummm all nice   and  maybe  sounds  good   but that  is not life   and  have more or less  given up on  having  a happy   end  to  my life so  dont want to  read   about anyone  elses  !!!!!!! (  although  actually we   are  only  on chapter   2  who knows all this thinking of silas   was   calming my brain  and by the  time  got into the office   was  relatively calm

I was not ready  for the  shock before   me   though  as  was  explained  that  the  next time  we  meet will be for the last time  that is  all we   get on the  NHS   yer  but not  better   and  still feel the same  as before   and  the thought   of being like this  for ever    no-one is  happy for  long periods  of time   i dont want  that but   want more than the  odd   few hrs  if lucky !!!!!  ( is that  really being  greedy)

I could   feel my  eyes    brim over with tears  i very  rarely cry   about as often as  tranmere   rovers   go to Wembley this is rare  they do go   this weekend to try to  get  back in premier league and in the league cup final    20 yrs   ago   think !!!  anyhow its rare  i cry  more   rant  and  rave !!!

I said  nothing for  awhile and asked what was thinking  yer  the  thought  of being like this for ever  just over whelming  he tried to say    he reckoned    in the last  few  years   things  had moved   on  from  previous  events ( true  )   and was  a much stronger person so able to  stand  up for my self    yer   thats  true   very    few  people   cross me  as  they know i  erupt    but  dont like  it when  erupt  as   totally  lose it   .  umm feeling slightly   better  but  still dazed  as he  said   it is very difficult with you  to see    what is   you being  aspergic  what is you   being  traumatised   ( ptsd ) and  it seems  this  has combined  to  create    pure   ocd    this is a rare ish  form of   icd  were  u cant  control  your  thoughts but they are  rile  although  u actually  dont mean   them and you get  advice all the  time  for the  thoughts  to leave  u   but they dont     this is  where  Invictus comes in but only to an extent  !!!

I left to go  to liverpool  mainly cos   got a great idea  of reading  trees   were  their  is a sculpture   type  thing  with    books  that people  dont want  so u   can take    books  you dont want   any more and  swap   for nought   for  books that someone else dont   want cool  I am a mixture of  Irish  (   humour)   welsh  singing ( maybenot )  and English  umm   sporty    (   debateable   so  made up   to get a book  on celtic  legends   more  for  kids  but no matter   will pass it on !!! once read !!

MY body mind was  i n a   turmoil  and  good   friend  Invitus   poked up  but this   is  not a fairy   tale  not in the  mood  for   INvictus today  as  “out of the  night that  covers me  black as the pit from pole to pole  (   ahhhhh but   it is always   going to be black  s## o fff

felt  bit  gulity   bit later ,  began to  milimeters  better  as looked   round   few  book shops   u can always   tell  when distressed   as   wil go   to   bookshelves  and    run my  fingers over the  titles  and think wow   all these  things   to find  out and  read about and  absorb    a little light  goes   on but not  like  an  electric   switch     well  u wont   know   what happens in any    books  if  u are  dead    will you !!! umm suppose not live to   fight another  day or my head is  un bludgeoned  but   un bowed   unbludgeoned  yer thats  a great word    love saying it aloud  un blugeoned or    the modern  un bloody    yer  in victus sos for  dumping  u  welcone back  (  bit  fairytales now )

I began to  feel slightly better  but not much tried to divert   thought so went back to Silas  thinking of   where   he lived    rave    something   something  that   sound  like unraveling    umm ravioli naaahh    got to get munchies that  reminds me to  eat  something  Raveloe  think that it   umm  time to go    reading the last bit of   Faustus in Birkenhead although still  thinking  were  do i turn to next !

Whenever  I am stressed my blood sugars   rise  and   was   right  they were hitting the  early  twenties  supposed  to be under  10  but that  is in fairy  tale  land with my life !!!!!

Anyhow onto   Faustus  with the so called   Shakespeare  reading  grp we  read  all sorts    but stick with the master   of plays  name as  a  tribute   anyhow the  gist of the  story   Faustus    wants  more and more  and  sells  his soul to the  devil for  to have total power  i have always been intrigued with this  today we had a very small grp of  readers but  was interesing   discussing what  we  would  do with total power for a limited   time  and  what was    better   total power for  a limited time  for years     actually someone   going to   write   an essay on it  !!!!!!! As a   baby  i was prem and  born   very    quickly   with   brain haemorrhage   (  violins out )  but my parents   told no way was  i going to live obviously  i did  but  i often  think  was a deal  done between  me  God and the devil   we will let  her live umm just hope  there is a happy  ending  after  years of  turmoil   maybe  the   devil and   God  will call a truce !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

umm that’s  enough    wondering what will happen  next  but as   u can  see  reading lit helps  maybe just a bit   just  hope it ends   like a   fairy tale  like what I  strongly suspect  Silas  will end like time  will  tell  only on chapter   2  need  to  unstress my feet   where is my  tennis ball


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stay on yr feet and be happy !!!

As   they   always   say  u never   know what  is  round the  corner   and was coming    down the stairs and  the next minute and i was on the   bottom   i felt   a slight   sprain   but after  bit  of siting on the  floor  i was  able to move about  and   guess   i   or  no one else will  be  able  to tell the  difference !!

This  made me think of how  we take    things  for  granted  and  thought about  our feet  , i have   very   high up steps  or what ever    which makes it difficult  to wear certain shoes I was   watching the one show the other day witht Thereza may  (not going to get political )  but   the  main topic was her feet  or be precise  her shoes   looking  at what  she had on her feet  she obviously does not  take  her   diabetes  seriously  i remember  a nurse    going hysterical about  my  shoe attire  and  compared  to  Therezas   they were pretty sensible !!!

I have  been  told  by  numerous people  to try and live  in the moment  very difficult  for majority  of people but  even more so  if  like me got  pure ocd  with  circles   of thought  looming  round and round i  have not always  been like  this but the last  15 yrs  is pure hell  !!!

LOOking at  yr  feet  or my feet they are  always in the same  spot  not  going  forward or walking  backwards but  are a  sure   foundation of keeping in the sport  or  to  quote a  song pure   foundation is yr feet   think its  supposed to be GOD   but  feet  are pretty sure and solid   to !!

I have  dabbled  abit in yoga   not much  good  but often it is the  simple things  that help especially  with tension  YER  yr   feet  do suffer from  tension   not just   tense headaches or  shoulders but feet but to help get  a tennis ball and just   roll it about   very relaxing  and  relieves  the tension  did   this   after falling down  stairs  as  thought it would  help recover   quicker and at  the  time   repeated   a few  of my fave  lines  I am the master of my fate  i am  the  captain of my soul  and thinking   how much  more relaxing this  was  just  saying some words  not any  words  along with me   dont think i would  have felt  as relaxed if  saying just any old  thing  had to mean  something !!

To finish I  stretched  my toes  up and down and stretched my toes  it can be done and began to feel much better and the  fall of  few hrs  ago began to  fade   if only  other  such memories   could be diminished as easily  as this  i would not be in such a  mud bank  with  regards to ptsd  pure  ocd   (  violins out )

Its strange  we  take   so much for granted til it  goes  wrong  so just think of how many miles  yr feet and take  u  perhaps  every now and again treat them going to  put    them in  a bowl of bubbly  water  just to say ta !!!!

Posted in balanced, diabetic, invictus, mental health, Uncategorized, yoga | 3 Comments

do whats best for u !!!!!!!

I   sometimes   think my personality is one of  extremes ,  very often  it is one of suicidal   despair and at others   i am  sooo happy   people  are wondering what it   is  I have taken !!!

I suppose   my pessimistic  self   could be  called  Eeorye   i would not  say i am an   pesssimist  or an  eternal  optisimist   per haps    just a realist !! when i am   happy grab it  tightly   and probably to  extremes  as   dont know   how long this   feeling  will be  with me .

I know  a few  people  who seem  to be  always a n Eeyore   and   try to avoid them as  they try to  drag  me down  with them   , win a    tenner on the lottery  , one  more ball  i could  have  won alot  more   !!! the  glass  is never   full   just    90 %

yesterday was  a bad  day  not going into  yet  as   still processing   it all !!! although  been told   writing  everything down helps u get  things    in the  right place but  no      got  Eeyore on my head   for today   ( digressing  again )

I   often  wonder   how  my life  would have panned out  if did not  have all  these difficulties   yer  my general  health would have been   better  but   having   a tigger  head at  times  u  have to see  an obstacle  as something to get  over  and  you learn from it    ummm  that’s   is so corny but   true  i would not have met  various  people or  visited  certain places  if not  for the   various health probs .

I am   hopeless at   craft  but at the  same   time   do  quite  like doing it  as   can go off  in   to my own world  years  ago i   did some sort of   child   tapestry  took  ages  and  not  of a very   good  standard  but i liked it  but   remember    turning it over   and  was   completely  different   even more  messy  and  was  at  first   very disappointed but  years later   yer thats  sums up the  tapestry of life   , u have    to  the  yucky  side to  get the   best  !!!! umm  actually my Eeyore  side   but surely things dont  have to  be this  bad!!!!!!!!!

I know  i sometimes  take    to much notice of my eeorye  side  and  may have concentrate to   much on the  bad ,   than the good    if been   given a pile of books   may dwell on the  one  that  was   bad in the pile instead of the    10 that  were  good   (  actually  i very   rarely  give  up on reading something  entirely  may put  it on one side  for   another side  but  naaah dont give up .

I don’t like  people   giving me   advice  although  maybe  come back to  it  another   time  but  when  in a  frazzle (  nice way of   saying  it )   the last thing  i want   is people  saying  stop  worrying  about the  future or   dwelling on the past     live in the moment   ahhhh  you havent   got  a brian like me      but they  are right  this is   when invictus  comes in    with  It matters not how   strait   the gate and   or how long the  scroll I am the   master of my fate  I  am the captain of my  soul  . (  something  like that  )    i am the   boss of my life  although must   admit   dont  mind   advice   off  most people    think  its  just  my parents    (  what do they   know )

I find it   very  difficult  when the   pure ocd ptsd  aspie brain   totally   explodes   i keep    collecting these weird things   but    I  am not a   tv   just  find it so   difficult to   change   channels  always  amuses  me  if watching  tv with  my dad  as   he  jumps   channels  all over the place  when  adverts   claiming  “oh   i don’t   want to  watch that      ”   wow  so  easy  if only I could   do that !!!

i think we  often become   a prisoner  to public opinion    yer   it is  good  to  think of others   but  also  got to think of self and  speak up  ,   my mum worries   alot   about   what people  thibnk especially having  a daughter  who tends to speak  her mind   she  thinks  people   will  badly of  her  cos  of my loud  statements  and  if people   ask for my opinion    well   i will tell cos  they asked   me for  it  i went to  pick a dress  with a friend  once  i  am not   interested in  fashion  but my mate  said  ” yer   but  u will tell me the  truth and  thats   what i want ”

I read   an awful   lot  tried  to avoid  self   help   books   as  they dont   do what they say  but    they do have  their uses   because  of my  weird !!!!!! head   i love books on the brain  but  i used  to worry   about  getting  books  about  mental health  out of the library as   did not like them seeing  what was reading but  for awhile   now realise   it  should be  no difference  about  getting  a  book about  brain disorder then  a brain health one  and  could   spark up  a  conversation   about mental health  cos thats  what people  need  to do !!!

oh well  need a tea     tomorrow   is another   day (  groan)  !!!! ha need   to put on rose tinted     glasses and  not the murky ones

Posted in aspergers, diabetic, happy, mental health, READING, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Invictus ( bit differnet )

hi  Just letting  Invictus   still  round and about but  in a slightly  differnet mode so   to speak  !!

TO lazy to read back  but think    told u  that  have got pure ocd  along  with the  aspergers  and  ptsd  and the   rest just  being me   people  take very notice of sore finger   but does not  really effect me or others !!!!

I was  talking  to  my Ptsd man who also deals with other  brian probs and  says  alot of my thinking    is  down to loops in brain  so every time  understress or  not thinking  in a deep way   the loop begins to  wirl  round   and  head  full of  swearing  puke  i honestly  cant think of   anything worse  !! and the prsd  just  adds another layer  so to speak .

Anyhow  Invictus  is about but   in a slightly  differnet  way although   still  got  various  lines that   are not  right  and seem to   give me  difficulty  such as   the  bit about the gate  and  tend to forget  the  menace of the years  but actually do  quite  like that line  !!!

I  was advised  by mr PTSD to try and  stop the  twirling of the  loop by quicky  jumping to something  else and maybe not  the whole   poem but just   bits or words ummm  sounds  easy but it is does not  bit like asking  me to support another  football team  or  politiical party  (  to set in my ways >

I went to   calderstones park  in Liverpool  kind of  home of  the  reader    and  the sun was  shining   , I have  started   reading   THE  great Gatsby    have  seen the   film with  leo  but  been told  the  book is so  differnet  so   the walk and  2 buses   just  flew by and was   just begining  to get the   gist of  it  ( hell we are here   got  to concentrate or   will  fly past   the   bus stop   , anyhow    enough digression  all was   well  at   caldies   talking  books  shakespeare  and Invictus   followed by  dawdle round the park if    I could blog  properly  i could  dec\orate  this with  lovely  pictures  but i cant  so i wont !!!

I was   traveling back  home  when i  could feel the  thoughts  come back  so  picture m e on the  bus  saying OUT OUT out of of  the night  night etc  and   repeating  each word   i  made patterns   about  saying  one word once then  twice  etc   reallt will  have to get the  coffee down me but   did  seem to  slow  down the  wheel of thought  more tham saying  the whole poem but at the  same  time was  not quite  tight    as  like  to say the  lines    fully as actually  mean something    OUT OF  THE  NIGHT  THAT   COVERS ME  (   (yerr one day  will be free  from this !!!  live happily  ever after !!! ummmm but does  more than just repeating the  words    countless  times   think will  just have to   experiment  as  it is like  being on a swing  u  have to  keep  moving  your legs  up and down  other wise   will  just grind to a stop    but   i have to   stop the wheel   going  round my head !!!

Moist people  know about |Invictus  and  NELSOn mandella   and  at first thought   well   bet   he never   made word   games  with  Invictus but  thinking about he probably did  !

I   at times   think  i an going somewhere  with all this  and  at  other  times  seem   to be standing   still but  nothing   wrong with  standing still and   just observing !!!  for

I  am the master of my fate   I am the   Captain of my soul !!!

Posted in frazzles, invictus, poetry, ptsd, pureocd, READING, Uncategorized | Leave a comment