The big bang !!!

i was just  thinking  what  was  doing last saturday  oh yer   taking my mum out  for mothers  day although we   rarely  get on  umm slight  exaggeration  but true  (  that’s another   story  )

It was  what happened    around about   9.15 in  new ferry  which has  been all over the  news  i   live  in the  next  bit  along  so to speak  Rock ferry  and yer   years   ago  they did  both have ferries and were  very popular  think a boat   wrecked  the pier  of one of them  !!!

I used to go   down   alot   to  new ferry    nice   butchers and   few nice   cafes and  places to  browse   but in the last  few  years   no reason to   go their   with less  and less  shops  and   yes   I am   guilty  of    going past and going  to the  retail park or  to    Bromborough   for  yes  more choice   so New ferry   was    becoming more  and more   run down although still  used the   butcher s!!!

Last    saturday   I was    watching  casualty  with my mum  and heard the  most horrendous    bang    must  admit  although one   hell  of  a bang   did not  go  outside      ”  that   was   a  bang  and a half   but was not that bothered as    it   was prob  next  door opening  garage  door  and if the   school  opposite was  in  some sort of   trouble   someone wld call   so just   carried  on   watching   tv  which   was  not impressed  on so decided  to  have a   quick look  on  the  internet   and   nearly fell over  when saw that    New ferry   was trending really    Wirral   hardly ever  trends   and was   worried   sick  when  heard  thought   been  explosion   at the   garage  not far  aways  was  imagining all sorts  but the  real story  was just  as bad  that  an  explosion  had gone  off   maybe  gas and   the  dance  studio  funeral  directors (notworth thinking about ) and furniture  shop had  been  blown up  !!!! i was   amazed and  shocked to  see a  friends  husband  on the local  news   and  never  been gadget  savvy   but thank god we  can find out   about    people     more or  less  straight  away !!!

It became   clear this   whole  awful  explosion     could   have been aload   worse   if  an  hour earlier  as   a dance school was practicing their and although  not  a popular place  to  go their  it   is   still  used !!! so  this   is point  to play  “it could  have been worse  game ”  i remember    going   on holiday  with my parents  years  ago  and my  dad  crashed the  car into  a post as sun  in his   eye !!!! and could  not see  luckily  i had  not  taken   my seat belt off   or  could  have been  so much worse  it is   a very  hard  thing  to  do especially with my ptsd and  being aspie  ,  any thing that is  shock sends me into  panic and reply  things  in mind  pure  hell  this   is  why having  emdr   to  reduce   my   living in the past   but  yer   so true    the  only thing  that was   really damaged    in crash was   car  and     although  2 people    are still in hosi   it could  have   been so much worse   just imagine  the  kids in the  dance   school if their  when the   gas  explosion went off  although  it is not to certain if a gas   explosion But   yes people   in new ferry  can’t change  sadly what happened   but   remember  could  have   been  a whole lot worse   but like me   i could  not change us   crashing the  car  but   could  have  dealt with the  afterwards alot  better  like not   banging  head  against  the wall “why  did  u  drive  in to tha t  but  going over   round the  wall ” ahhh  at least all  safe  we  can  easily  replace a  car !!!

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cyrano with a bang !!

I do love the   theatre   despite  my noise  thetish  but just have  to count to  10 when  the    sweet munchers  start !! but  I have  been   following the Northern   broadsides  for  a  few   years  as  just  adore    their    productions   one  day  i will learn to blog properly  and  put the  links so    can  check   out yourselves   .

Anyhow  i had  seen    Cyrano    advertised  (  never   heard  of it  shamed to say the  way i  read is   bizarre   will  tell  u more another time  !!

The   travel  systems on Merseyside  are  still in arey  as   re doing the loop lin on the  railway  renewing  it after   40 years    the  trains   run  over  the    water at  weekend   but not  at weekends   mum has  never  fully recovered   from breaking her leg   2 years  ago so not  kidding it is  quite   a  jaunt  as  she hates    travelling on a  certain  bus   which   is packed  to the   roosters   with people    but lets   say we got  their  got to  celebrate the  small  things

I detest  the   branded   coffee and the branded meals  so    as mothers   day treated  her   to a drink and  infamous   toasty at the   Caernafon  castle   really  reccomned   it  if  in the pool  and  then  off to the  playhouse  !!

I had booked  this   ages  ago  so  had brill seats  i  always   book  early   not to catch the worm  but to put mind at rest  not to happy siting  down  to   the sounds of sweets   rustling  etc  even when the play  had started  my mum as one point was  going to  whisper  “my daughter is  aspergic and she may nick  yr   sweets  but  nahhhh  counted   to 10 and like me must have   been so into  Cyrano (his nose not  that  bad ) the  noise   subsided !!! yey

Well not  disappointed  always  worried  when reading  an old play will not  get the language and normally  read up on it before  hand but  not today !!!

Their   was so many emotions  running about  just  remember the  famous  saying  crying  with laughter  then   real  tears at the  end    !!! at times   you feel  so sorry  for Cyrano and  his huge noise  but   honestly was not that bad my mum kept saying !!! and obviously the  moral of the story  pretty  obvious  its the personality that  counts  and not kidding  his  love  warbles  would make you swoon  but  he  falls in love with  Roxanne   keep thinking   must listen to  the song  by the  police to see if any resemblance   (maybe not   who falls   for  his good-looking  friend and  being  such a  great mate    woos  her on his behalf  !!!

Edmond nostrue  the  writer  apparently  was  making  some  sort   of  fun of the  3 musketeers which   came  out  originally at the same time and yer the ir was   a real  Cyrano who  fought in the  battle of  ARRAS  but not to sure  if  his  life   was as full as the play version !!

All well and on the  way home in a good  mood  til once again  we   ventured  home    i saw the  little  single  decker on the other  side  road  and made a  dash for it  yey  got  on  told   driver to wait    for my mum  but no  way he had done his good  dead of the day and that  was it  so i  waved  good   bye  to my mum in a bit of a panic  and the mothers  day jaunt  was  finished  with mother and daughter  coming  home   separately  but with  a sigh  informed  my mum  going  to    the  theatre   next  time with a mate !!!!!

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riding the swing of life emdr 7?

Been over  a  week   since had my last emdr   due to Rob   having   annual  leave   dont like those two words    feel  like  chalk on a cheeseboard   just  grating    when  did    people stop using the  word    having  a  holiday   or   just  not  here   next week   oh well   dont let the  small  things   grate  as they say

last  week after the   emdr   session i felt  awful and  just kept  thnking   ” am   i going to be     stuck with  these  thoughts  for   ever and  only being  free  for  an hr or so   or  handful of   time     if lucky   but hey  pateince  is   a   virtue   and to an  extent  today   has been a  happy day on this   path   called life  !!!

People  will say   that  is what   life  is a big challenge  but   some people  have  more  challenging lives  than  others , but today the little  things  were  not bothering me   i went   with my mum to singing  cafe and  although  the bus   driver   went the  wrong   way  !!!!! honestly   was not  as  upset  as  what i normally  get   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (  i get  very upset  at times

I feel their  is a fight   going on in my head    between the   real me   my  aspergic  me and the ptsd    me   at the moment   the ptsd   is  finally   kind of  leaving  my head  be   it like a snail   but the  aspergic   side   is  having more of   ahold   as  a kid i rarely  spoke to people  unless own family  or  extremely close   friend   but   at times  lately   i have   been  petrified    of  asking  people  for  a cup of  tea   and today was   extremely nervous   about   going   to the  hatch ad  asking for   tea   not as  if they   are   going to  bite my head   off for thats how they   make their  money !!!

I am not asking for the moon or  a star or anything  i consider   to  be impossible  just to live life in the   middle   lane so to speak   have at  times  been  extremely hyper so  to speak and its  exhausting !!!  I realise   that   being  happy  all the  time  etc  would be  ridicoulous   and you would not appreciate   the   good   days  if all were good  i suppose  I shld be  just   grate ful  for the odd   few    hrs  of happiness   that i get   with  no ptsd    thoughts   but     am convicned    the majority   of people  get   blips   inl   life   it  seems   to be along  bbbbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop !!!!!!

I  wasd   playing snap   the other day with my   6   year old niece   and  was trying to  show   her that   to play    the   game  like an adult   u shld be   graceful in defeat  thats  what i  would  like to be like  when i have   a blip  this will  pass and  be  GRACEFUL

Up  in til  starting   the    emdr     vary rarely had a day which  was ordinary  and   was  at peace  which was   what i felt   when  gave the  Kitchen   a full  spring  clean

wow  It might   take  a while  but maybe   I  am on the   way out of  night  that covers  me  even  if just   a flicker  of light

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IRish roots paddys

Well   yesterday was   St patricks day   yerhoo  although  it has been a  few   years  since  celebrated  actually  don’t   like    GUINESSS  but  do love to dance   and sing although  not that   good at  either  .

Living in    Birkenhead  on the Wirral  funny peninsula thing  (  it is  not attached to Liverpool  although i have   a very strong   Birkonean  accent  (not   quite   scouse ) which upsets   my dad   but have always  lived   here  so  how  else does  he  expect me   to  speak  !!

Any how   for the   last couple  of years  we have been  trying  to travve family tree    did  my mums  with a  bit of  help  more  difficult   that it looks  on that   tv   prog   “who  do u think we are  and then started   tracing my dads   which proved   slightly more   difficult as    it seems  obseessed  with people   with the  same  surname  marrying   each other   yer   never mind   keeping up with the  Jones    wot  about  keep  it in the  family   !!!!, but got the  news i had  always  suspected my great Nan came from  Newry   N Ireland  which   comes  to no surprise   thats   were  the   scouse   accent   comes from mixture  of    lancashire  Irish   may be something  else  .

It  appears to me   ST  patricks   day is celebrated more than  anyone  else in the  uk all over  place in fact  even  in USA  but dont want   to spoil the   party   ( currently  watching   Rugby   are   the  Irish going to be the  party poopers  again   win today    and  we over take  all blacks   in consective  wins  )  but infact    Paddy  was not really IRISH    more likely to be   welsh or  scottish  and  not only that his  parents come  from Rome  !!!!  (MY mum reckons    cld have  ITALIAN    relatives as my  grandad   was stationed  out   their   for years  and  had  a bit of  reputatuion !!!  to much info  !!

The reason became   IRish   was  cos  kidnapped  and sold   as a slave  and worked for   6 years   herding   sheep  this all happened 390  something   or other   always amazes me  how    do  people  know this    often  think people make  things  up as go along  heard not  so long ago   that    PAT   was strolling   round  not   far   from were  i  live   suppose   anything possible !!! but hey  ho nothing  get past out hero  and he  fled  at  22  !!!!!  back to England  to  a monastery .   bet  all the  chruch  buildings monestary things  say that

The monastery  must have  run some      cracking gardening classes  as he    went  back to IRELAND   in 433   ( reckon  a-year later    then that )   and  used the   shamrock  plant  to  teach people about the   trinity !!

Often  a  saint   will   be  the  holy person  of  many  places  well   3 to be   exact but   useful if on         pointless  cos  St Columba   good place to mention and  Brigid of  KIDARE also  is   that  aplace   to   spaced  out to  look up

The main thing Paddy  is famous for   is driving the   snakes out  of   IRELAND    hurray  only to find  their   has never  been any in the     Emerald  ISLE  prob   was  just that   noone   else  spotted  them   !!

I was   walking  about  TRANMERE   in Birkenhead   and  did   spot  a   few people  with   Green  Jumpers  on and massive hats   Again GREEN  only to   find out   that paddys     fave  colour  was  blue yer  a   fellow   EFC   supporter !!!  ( maybe not   I am not   arguing about   any of these    useless   bits of info  I have  always    had  a mind   full of it    prob   cos   on asd   spectrum  and  collect    bucket full  of info   but   ask me to get  u some  stamps  clean forget  !!!!

Always    amuses  me     that   we  the  saint day  on the   day he  died not  the   day he was born  or and pretty  sure   the  dates  not   quite    right but   then again  who  cares   , always   used to annoy the   hell out of   my history  teacher    ” how  Do u  know this    what good    will iit be   to me   in life !!   no answer   normally   told   to  get out the  room  if  asked  any more !!!

Feel a thirst    coming on  but   from 1903  til 1970   was    holiday in Ireland as celebrated    his  snake   charming   but sadly no more   the place to   go is Montserrat   which has the day  off  to   celebrate  being found    by the   IRish    ahhhhh  that s  enough  useless   for one day     hic its  the    IRISH IN ME   !!!!!

PS   the   IRISH   did   win the   rugby  spoilsports !!!

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heart beat !!!

At long last yesterday   was my  heart -scan  been waiting  for this   for awhile  have had   countless  messages    from   well meaning  people asking  how was  I   feeling ,  fine   are   u not worried   er  no  i feel   as  i  always do    although have been  very naughty  lately   drinking   coffee    crime  of the  century (  been  told not  to )   brings  back memories of my my who was forever    saying to, me

Once their   was a girl  who  had   a little  curl   right in the middle of her  foorehead  ( true  naturally  curly hair) just had it   straightened only to  go out  with no coat so  curls   back !!!  digress   when  she   was   good   she  was  very   very   very  good  and when she  was  bad  she   was   (   true  on both counts  i can be    extremely   well behaved  to the  extent    u would   think i had no  problems and then  agian the  monster   errupts    enough of that   !!!

I  have  gone back on the coffe    cos   life  is so  up side   down and inside   down   well if  some says    dont   do  something well   i do  the opposite  cos    my body   etc

ANY how   to much digression   got the  hosi  to give me  early app   due to being   diabetic  not making  a fuss     u cant    expect   a  diabetic  to   go more  than a few  hrs  without muching  highly amused  that the  staff   remembered  me “lets  see  if u can  stay  long enough    to do the procedure     this  time   and shouting  “she callopsed   last time  ”  yer ok  no need to  tell the universe !!!!

Then  the   heart dr   ahhhh  yes    u  calopsed   last time  (   must  have been  elephant   previous    life  lets   get  her in  before  she does  it again !!!!  so  we  were off   trundled  off to a small  room    were they informed  me  they   were not  going  to  put   yuky tube  til  100  % sure   strange      moving   wavy thing still their   makes   sense  (  well  after   some  gel  and a room  full of people  saying  “Ohhhhh their it  is      it was time for   the  yucky tube    to be  swallowed (don’t try  at home )   first  time  they  did   this  to me    i fell   asleep   god    knows  how the   second time    i felt   awful so the   third  time being   yesterday    I was   ready as  i thought yesterday  what    do i do   when in terrific   pain    well not that   religious  think i am an    agnostic   lets   bet   each  way  and then  safe  whatever  happens

NAAAAA h I  remembered   Invictus  (  not kidding  afew  times  recently been  in terrific pain and called   out tome    well that’s  not  true  dont mean  call to him in a God  like    way   but   just remembering the poem    and the  certain   words

such as  the  pain  when  tube     first   goes   down the  mouth ” out of the night  that  covers me  (  this pain wont last for  ever  )REALLLY IT WONT   black   as the  pit  from pole   to pole  (  still  hurts I  thank   what ever  god   may be    for  my unconquerable soul   errrrrr  u actually   get used to and  look at the  screen  at my dancing    thing in my heart   dancing    about  ”  can  u see it  “UMMMMM  bit later  seems  nothing much to  worry   about  as  says    “prob  been  their  seen  an embryo   so always    been  their though not supposed  to    and  bit on the  large  side   but does  not   seem to    cause  u  much problems  ”  so  off u  go   just keep on   eye  on it   ”

In the  fell clutch of  circumstance  i have not   winced or  cried   aloud   (  well  that’s  true   the  dr  gave  me   9 out of  10    good  OH     thought  after    “why  not a  10 “”  !!!!!!

my head  is   bludgeoned   but unbowed !!!  (  well abit sore  but the    minute  i managed to  eat  some   toast   the   nurse  bounded over   u can go   now   .

off i went   had  a bacon   buttie  in the place to live  Bebington  on the  Wirral    and went to a course    learning  how to be happy   ( really     naaaaaah    does   nought for me  I am me   always do my own thing  I am  the master of my  fate I am  the  captain of my soul

Yer   I know     not touched  the    3rd   verse   on INvictus    think  heart   in  pretty   good  nick   plenty  more time for that !!!

Posted in diabetic, heart health, invictus, poetry | Leave a comment

back into the fire #emdr !!

umm   not sure  what  to think   now  i had an appointment  a week ago and  the effects of the  emdr  lasted slightly longer   but only by an  actual  24 hrs  !! so not much in the  great scheme of things .   An extra  day  is not much in a  lifetime    but still    should not really   expect to much    I  tend to  do that  expect  nothing   good  will happen  then u  wont be  disappointed      does  kinda   of work    if u expect    disaster  round   every corner  and there  is not   well  result !!!

My  appointment was  yesterday a t   9   no big  deal  although the  trains   were off  and the  bus service   is  not reliable  or    frequent   to woodside   area  of Birkenhead     u would  think   the  transport  links would be  brill    to  look at  one   of the most  Iconic  sights  in the worlds   but no it is a hassle   and  a half     (  digressing  again)   i  managed  to get   their  on time   by getting a bus and  then walking  at  a  very  fast   pace   through the  most boring    parts of  Birkenhead  (  most  of   it is   Boring   but still  ) MY  nasty  nasty  ptsd  was   back thinking  if i   had not suffered  from all this  trauma   not be  coming  here    and  f3f33grh4gr3,4gtv other    such words  which will not   write down !!   but hey  i   was  on time    which is all that matters  to me .

I am supposed to  fill a  form   in each week saying how i feel   which    sometimes     raises   eyebrows  when  I  often think how   better  off   i would be  if  dead ,  but i am not  so  fight the    good  fight , for   some   absurd   reason  i  find  myself  being less able to  stick  up for myself  such as    should  have    told the   receptionist   i need   to fill a form  in but just panicked   thinking  best not ask !!

Rob   the  ptsd   asked  how was  and told  him how    it  had   all  come back    and  he  said   what have  heard   before    ”  AS well as  having ptsd  u are  aspergic  and  your   brain  seems  to just    ruminate  so what    he    was basically saying    dont   dream   to much this   is going  to work  most kids  by me  love  footie  and   u will  seem them  pretending to play various   teams   always dreaming   of   playing  for the premier  league  not    when  very   few   achieve    this and are extremely  lucky to play   for  the  conference   league  !!!

umm  I don’t  know  i have not   had  these  traumatic   thoughts all  my life     mainly the last  15  so  years  so its  not  just   cos  aspergic  is it !!!!!! ?   hey ho !!

We  did the  usual imagine  something  else  in your head  whilst  listen to this  tapping  noise  and  yer  i did   feel all calm as left  but  that   feeling  not to last   .

The  last few   sessions of  Emdr   have left me  with   the  most beautiful   feeling  of peace  and  happiness   if u are  like me  your brain  very   rarely has it and  would not   swap   if   for anyone  , but  today  was different    feeling   not sure  what to do     with  self    felt   very guilty   as went  to liverpool  by train    when  really the   pickets   were out for   wanting to bring     guardless   trains in which i disagree with   but  if a   train  station  right in front   and me  and  only  10  min wait well  its the  train for me  !!

I began to feel  more  and more  distressed  thinking  why an i not  happy  , i am  not supposed  to drink  coffee  as   my osepheouges  thingy went  black  last year   but who cares  a toss  or anything  i will  be    lou the  rebel  and drink a  coffee   and so  she   did   pure  puke   it was !!!!  ” don’t   drink it ”  was   saying   the   good half  of me  saying  but the devil  half   yer  go on  the more   coffee  u drink  the   risk  of   turning  osephegeous    black again  !!! ummm  not good   but   that   how i was  thinking   ..

I   went and booked   tickets to  see  Romeo and JULiet  coming  up at the  everyman   so did  that    feeling  quite   relieved  and  happy  as  did  so  “best  not kill  yourself   before  JUne    then as  u wont see  the play ”   c   that   what I do    i have   things in place    that   really want to see  and   then     I  put     jumping off the planet  on hold !!!

MY  friend and myself   run a  play reading  grp once  a week  and  take  it turn to bring  the   milk  it was my turn this   week  humbug  !!! ummm  well could  just take   milk in and leave  yer  that’s  what i will do  so got  the milk, and went  to  Birkenhead library   I more   or less   threw  the  milk across  the  table   ” not well u know  but   brought  u the  milk , I know  the  people  really well and  they just  generally chatted and  then i  said ” ohh maybe  stay a a bit then     few mins  no more   . we  had   abit  more general chatter   before      reading  the  Dolls  house  by IBSEN   wow   the  discussions  started  and  after  while   agreed  to  take main part  yey   i had forgotten   all the problems outside  the library  and was in the moment  !!!  . WE  always   have  an interval so glad  u stayed  and  another member   told me thats  what  shared  reading   it just take  over u !!

yey  got a lift home  and was  feeling okish  just a  blip  maybe  but maybe  not as ptsd    struck again last night , will have to  investigate more   what  has  gone  wrong  as the  ptsd   man  says   ” can’t be  happy all the time  yer    but  bit longer that  an  hour and half  a day would be nice  !!!

Going to  see  what  strange  object  in my heart  tomorrow   maybe that is playing  havoc  in my brain and  although  not  the  best idea   to look up medical  stuff  up line    oh well

I was  thinking of  Invictus   not forgotten him OUT OF  THE NIGHT    yer   well still pretty  black here   !!!

Posted in aspergers, emdr, invictus, mental health | Leave a comment

We are all different thank God

Dont know   why but thinking a lot  about the word    delegation   strange  word   to keep   popping  into my head  but  prob   think   comes   from the  story somewhere in the bible   God knows  where  (he does  know)  were it claims all the   bits in the  body are  needed  !! even the    finger nail  is important    the other  day I had  a so-called  paper cut and yes it  was painful and could not   use my finger  for  awhile and yes   i did   miss  the use of  it  .

As  a  child  most of my memories  of doing the  majority of activities  art, sport , music   dancing  more or less  anything  was “oh u will  make a mess    and would  always   be the last  to be chosen  in any team   game !!!   a story  that must  ring   true  with so many people   my mum has roughly the  same memories as  kid  so do   most people who are not   sporty   or  arty !!  or a talent    that is    blindingly  obvious  !!

I  never won  any  thing at  sport and  was always the last to be   chosen ( boohoo)  til    around about  the  age of  11    when  in stead  of doing  silly beanbag   races   or  little  runs it was decided  our class  would   run  all the  way  round the  sports   field    this   was a good   800  metres or more   well   miracles   do happen   i won the  race   feet   hands  down     much to the  amazement   to everyone including  myself     ”  how  did   u do that  as  i won  numerous other   races   i had no idea    and  just think it   was something i could  naturally  do  middle  distance   running  i have always been  slim  and    bit   of   a day dreamer  so    sprinting   was no good to me  as i was  still at the  beginning    whilst everyone else had finished   but  this  was   slower  to get   going   and    alot of  winning  was  down to tactics  always   remembering the   tortoise wins the  race not the   hare     alot of people    are always  in a rush but i like to  take my  time    so  in a race   i would     start  off   slowly and concentrate  on   getting   past  the person in front  of me   til their  was  no one   left to overtake   great  fun   and  found  it  easy  up to a point  !!

I  believe   everyone is  good at    something  and   should  all make  the  most of   what  we have   a few  years   after    winning  various  races     the   fun out of running  began  to diminish  as my reputation  began to follow me about  ” u  r so  good    u can beat     anyone  err maybe   but  was happy  just running   and the pressure   began to get to me , about the  age of  13  i was    becoming  skinnier  and skinnier  and    although  i lived    2 minutes   away from  the  high school i was  exhausted  by time   got their    i could   hardly  crawl   never made run   but no one   listened    if u  did not  have  a note  from   your parents   u had to do PE
I will  never  forget  the day i pleaded  with  the PE teacher   that  i was   not well  enough to run but   would not  listen and people  crowded   around to  watch me  run   and  so lined  up ready to  go and  bang        few  cms  in it seemd  and  wa son the floor  ” cant  u see  she’s ill   rang  round the  field  and the  teacher  was  extremely worried  as   i  mustered   up enough  energy to   get changed  abd  then announced  i was going  home  and crawled out  of   school   to wait for  my parent  to come home  the   symptoms   were  all their   weight loss   thirst   like being in  desert   yer i was diabetic   bit later  i had  gone the  drs and   was   in a hosi   ward   with     nurses   saying  to my parents   ”  she is   so thin   did u not  notice   ”  well  no they did  not  as  they were to busy    ( that’s  another  story )

MY point  is    i cant understand   why the   PE teacher   not have listened  to me  when  told  her not  well enough to run and  why  when u find   you are    relatively good at  something   does all the   fun have to go  out  of it  the pressure  i feel  from   people  in my year was   incredible ”  lets   watch lou run”  i just  liked  it   cos  i could   do it  which looking  at  it was   quite  remarkable   i  was  good at  any sport  seeing  dyspraxic  and all fingers   and  toes all  over  the place if  anyone   was   going to  trip   it would be   me  but   i ran in a strange way  my feet  out in a limbo   people  used to  call  me Charlie   Chaplin  cos i walk with  my feet kinda  out   !!! but   i think it was the pressure of   finding out  that  was   good   at something  that  kinda   stopped me  running  i did not want  to be  an athlete  i  just ran  cos liked   it and could think !!!  whilst doing it !!

The main love of my life  is  reading and  maybe    writing  ( mate  told me  i  do my facebook posts like   Virginia  wolff   stream of consciousness  thingy i just think it and write   it   and if  u knew me  that  how i talk  just think  and say  !!! ha )

my parents  and other people would  do anything   to stop me   reading   wanting me  to go  out   and go on holidays  and enjoy the  world  but i could    enjoy the  world   from reading  a book without  the hassle of  moving   a muscle  !!!

“you cant  make a life  out of  reading ” ” their   is a big world  out their   why dont    u go out  in it    COS I AM  HAPPY IN BIRKENHEAD ”  that   y !!!!!!

PEople   who don’t  read  / write   can’t    really understand  what u get out of   it  but   i can escape  from  being me and  go where   ever i choose   .  I have  been  kinda involved with a reading  charity  The  reader org (if cld  blog properly i would  out it  up so cld  find  it out  for  yourself    were  read books  together   and found  my own place in life   without  causing  me much  hassle really  .

Tomorrow  i will  help run  a reading  grp  were   we  read plays i tend to    be the  main leader   in a very laid  back  way with a mate   i  met  through the group  helping me out  but their  is one thing  i am hopeless at    and will always will be   that is   the  catering side   making people  drinks etc   ahhhh does my head  in  to much  milk  not   enough   3  sugars   no sugar    ahhhhhh do it yourself !!!! but no  what is the lesson to be learnt   from all my prattle  is   we are all good  at something    so have  delegated  the  tea making  to my mate  Dave  who  enjoys the  teamaking  and is  able to do it without  losing his  rag so to  speak

he  told  me awhile   back   he  could  not do  what I do  ensure  everyone in the   reading   grp   has a part  and   if want to  say something   do so , i find  it   relatively easy mainly  cos   i  like the people   just   as he  finds the  tea making   two   totally different  things  that make the  book grp  a success  well kind of dont   do pressure   !!!!! so basically  everyone is needed  and all  u have to do  is   delegate  for all  to  be happy .

“Dave  u have put  far   too much milk in my  tea  puke !!!!! ( never mind)




Posted in childhood, dyspraxia, READING, Uncategorized | 2 Comments